My boyfriend is a great person, the only thing I don’t like is his excessive drinking?

[Anonymous]

my boyfriend and i have been together for 8 years. he loves his alcohol. he drinks everyday, every. freaking. day. and the people he hangouts out with loves to drink as well. the only person who doesn’t is me. i wouldn’t mind if he drinks occasionally, but everyday is too much. i know i can’t control him but i would love to help him. i know people will only change when they want to themselves. i know he can do it, he’s a wonderful strong person. he used to drink his whisky very heavy, and one day he had a traumatic experience with his dad that he stopped. so i know he can, he just needs help. i’ve been realizing that we are not close anymore. we have been distant bc of bickering and overthinking everything. and it’s truly sad.

[Guy13]

Alcoholics, like any addiction, is that individual's first love. They surround themselves with people and places (constituencies) that either support or enable their Addiction. He seems to be an All-Nothing type person (personality). I bet the rest of his life shows really good at some things and not so good at other.-He can do all things, one at a time, but it requires much Focus. Part of your role is to keep him focused upon what's important and he will absolutely plow through his work, generate income, etc...

Until the bottom falls out nothing will change...

[Asker]

i feel so distance from him. do you think it’s bc of all the nagging and bad attitude i have around him at times? i don’t like when he drinks so i’m just like ughhhh i’m going to be inside or go back to my house instead of being around someone who rather drinks. and i also bring up the past a lot. like he use to DM girls telling them how pretty they are a few years ago and he stopped. i only found out bc i snooped through his phone and i always bring it up. im just scared he’ll do it again. in a way i feel like he deserves better than me. i don’t feel pretty enough for him and im too quiet and shy for him too. he’s very extroverted and loves to talk. and im not. i use to be, but then i became a homebody all of a sudden.

[Guy13]

I don’t know what to say because I’m not there. I’m assuming he is not one to consider couple counseling.

[NamerOfStars]

Hmm... Well, if you want to encourage him, have you tried suggesting you do activities that can only be done sober? If he enjoys it, it'll not only show him that he can have fun without it, but give him more motivation to dial it back a bit.

[es20490446e]

Either you like them as they are from the beginning, or you don't.