Whenever she says she's going to a party with friends and not worry, but upon coming back to you there's instincts, suspicions, or doubts that she's doing something there that you would disapprove of, yet she says nothing happened and not to worry.
What do you do? What do you say? Do you just forget about it? What if this is a rather consistent thing?
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+1 y
My take? Never trust a woman without any prior reputable history. Always test, verify, or make sure that everything she says is backed. Despite a woman being trustworthy, she is, at the end of the day human. So, if she makes a mistake, especially a significant one, she will react as most humans do and try to cover it up, divert attention away from it, be in denial about, etc.
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+1 y
Some women will call you insecure or controlling, but this is to be expected of women who don't have the best of intentions for you while in a relationship or have something to hide from others. Actually, name-calling or verbally attacking someone in this way may be an indicator that they cannot defend themselves logically, so they default to emotion. Trust requires evidence
How do you go on about trusting a woman you're being intimate with that she is in fact loyal to you?
It's really easier than you may think. What the problem is that all of us don't want to think that the person is not loyal, and we keep on doing stuff like she is.
Look for these things:
#1 She hardly ever looks at you unless you are somehow demanding her attention. Women will constantly be looking at us if they are in love, but if not, you are something other than a love mate.
#2 How does she talk about you to other women? Does she refer to you as something other than "my boyfriend" or " my "love" something in that tone? Does she call you by name or does she use some adjective that isn't flattering?
#3 She tends to not let you pay for her unless she forgot her wallet? She's probably not wanting to "owe" you anything if she's splitting all your dates' expenses.
#4 Do you find that she mentions other guys in ways that you wouldn't think a serious mate would do? Not like if they are in context of a story about what happened at work. I mean like, "John said this today" "Pete always has a great way of saying this." Stuff were you can see she's comparing you to someone.
a confident one, not an insecure one... and more importantly a worthy man, and that's a true guarantee right there
when you pick a great woman, then there is absolutely no worries in this world about these things, then of course... only a real men can ever feel this secure in his relationship and be able to recognize that just as you are a great man who would never cheat on any woman, especially not a GREAT one that is the one you love... her being the GREAT woman that she is, she's just not going to do that either, ever...
and this is the only kind of TRUST that is real, when you trust yourself in the first place, you're able to trust in others
the rest, well... they do have to deal with these issues you do speak of, as long as you do not trust yourself and you also know you cannot be trusted either, you will be always insecure about your partner, and it won't matter if you verify, test, or "make sure" you will always feel like you did not enough because "what if..." paranoia
How does she prove a negative or otherwise assuage your fear/suspicion/paranoia, especially when the basis is something as soft as "gut feeling" or spidey sense?
Guys don't want to wait but this is easier if you aren't having sex with a girl early in the relationship. If I was faced with a situation you described, I would ask about going with her to the party or event. Her reaction would tell me what I need to know.
A very clever woman might agree to take you along just to assuage any suspicions you might harbor, and then, when you became more trusting and less interested in verification, begin cheating on you.
@msc545 Yes, but if she is planning on being with another guy this weekend and now, suddenly, I ruin those plans. . . most women will react with anger before they realize that they are telegraphing some vital information.
If you want to receive you first have to give. Show you trust and more likely to get it in return. If you don’t they aren’t worth the effort. Cut them loose.
Women, like men, like any other creature... If she gets what she needs at home, she won't look to fulfill those needs elsewhere. Identify those needs and be the partner she needs and you're good 95% of the time
If I already trust her then I don’t worry about it. Can’t track her 24/7 but do keep an open line of communication and ensure I’m meeting her needs so she has no reason to cheat.
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+1 y
So, what evidence do you have beyond her word that makes her trustworthy?
If I’m in a relationship with her my evidence is a combination of her actions that have backed up her words thus far combined with my knowledge of who she is as a person. Fact is if she’s plotting to betray me or if she does mess up I can never prevent that as I don’t control her. If she breaks my trust then there’s going to be consequences
I guess what I'm trying to say is, if she goes to the club with her friends and comes back home to you saying nothing happened, what do you have to go by beyond that to prove she is telling you the truth?
You don’t have anything else. That’s what trust is, believing when she says nothing happened that nothing happened. If you are sus that something did happen then you don’t trust her do you?
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