Have you ever entered a "friends with benefits" relationship with the intention of making it become a serious relationship?

[OlderAndWiser]

I've never had a friends with benefits relationship so I have no firsthand knowledge of how they work, but I have read many, many posts from participants and I hear a very repetitive theme: one of the participants entered the relationship with the hope for something more serious but did not initially express that feeling. Later, they became frustrated or disappointed when the other partner had not developed a similar feeling for them.

Have you ever been in a friends with benefits relationship where that happened?

I've never been in a friends with benefits relationship

I've had friends with benefits and neither my partners nor I ever wanted it to be serious

I've had friends with benefits and at least once, I wanted it to be serious

I've had friends with benefits and at least once, one of my partners wanted it to be serious (but I didn't)

I've had friends with benefits and at least once, both my partner and I wanted it to be serious

[Dinklex3]

Nah. We became best friends though.

I did have a friend who did that. Didn't end well. But she knew damn well she wasn't okay with being just friends with benefits.

[OlderAndWiser]

Too many people are not honest with themselves! "This above all: to thine own self be true." -- Hamlet, Act 1, Scene 3

[Pinay_ako]

Yes I had friends with benefits. But it didn’t go as planned 😂. The benefits were good but didn’t wanna be serious so we both moved on

[zeitgeist057]

I've had all of those possible scenarios (with the exception of "never had friends with benefits" of course).

Sex is a natural way to feel good with another person, and it can be casual without the romantic element, but often people catch feelings or had feelings already. It's honestly a lot better with feelings, so that's not really a bad thing.

I've had girls I was crushing on, and I knew if I could just get them to have sex with me, then I could progress into a deeper relationship. I've also had girls catch me, giving me sexual favors and wanting to develop more romance. I've also had girls who just wanted to have some sex and so did I, so we did and nothing more came of it than some orgasms. Some I stayed friends with, others we weren't really that close of friends to begin with. I've also had women who had sex with me and either started out or caught feelings later and then it became an issue when I didn't want to get locked in with them or get more romantically involved.

[DaveJord]

So I have never technically had friends with benefits, but I am pretty sure that I have had Friends with Benefits. I have, for lack of a better term "dated" women that always got sketchy about defining the relationship. They wanted to pretend that we were "dating" but they would not define it as a committed or friends with benefits situation and when you pressed them on it they would get all weird. So in the end it was friends with benefits but the benefits were no all that great for me, because they were play both sides of the fence and not being honest about it.

It almost takes a higher degree of commitment and responsibility to make a friends with benefits situation work to be honest. But cause you have to stop your feelings from getting in the way and you have to trust that the other person can do the same. Because you are going to be hooking up for sex, but at the same time your going to looking for and dating other people and they got to be cool with it.

So all the women that I have again for lack of a better term "dated" that could be in this category never wanted to commit to any thing, be it a LTR, or friends with benefits. Which really leaves you in this weird place, because your good with either but you got to know so you can keep looking or progress in the relationship you might or might not be in. They don't want to do that because obviously they don't want to commit to a relationship with you, but at the same time they don't want to say its okay for you to date other women... because that makes them feel cheap.

So that is my experience, but I would totally love to have a friends with benefits situation because it would make search for a committed relationship a whole lot easier... I could scratch the itch more less with a cool chick, but be more methodical in my search for the right women without the need to press for sex.

[Kreneman]

I experience two women with benefits and I was in love with both them and I wanted a serious relationship with both (Not at the same, lol) but they did not want to plus they used me. One of them hurt my feelings and the other one I moved on before I got my feelings hurt again. There was another woman that I just wanted the benefit without the relationship but it didn't work because she had some serious issues and I am really not that person. What I learn now that friends with benefit is extremely negative and I will not take that path again. It's better to find the One by making wise decisions first.

[Themazerunner123]

Can i ask why didn't you went for it when she wanted? I mean what was it that you told yourself? And why was she so speciel? What was spevial about what you had with her?
I am kinda in the same situation right now, im that girl...
We have such good chemistry and we have so much fun together, thats what he says as well, that he almoat never had such good chemistry with a girl, the sex is great, whats on his mind? What was on yours?

[OlderAndWiser]

@Themazerunner123 It sounds like a horrible cliche, but the answer may be "it's not you; it's me." Maybe the idea of saying "I want you forever" scares the bejeezus out of the guy. It's not that he doesn't really like you; it's more a matter of him not trusting his judgment to make such an important decision. And it's also not just "I want you forever" but it's also that "that means I'll never be in a relationship with anyone else." And, again, it's not that the relationship with you isn't great, but especially when a guy is younger and hasn't had that many experiences, he realizes that he hasn't had enough experience to really know if this is as good as it gets, and whether this will always be good.

[Kreneman]

Both women were emotionally damaged from there previous relationships and they did not trust men. They were targeting me as if I was the one that hurt them. The two women that I was involved in were abused, cheated on, and lied to. Both of them has kids and they told me personally that they think that all men are bad in then they contradicted themselves because they were holding grudges towards us men. What I saw in Both of them are that they could be potential wives because they show love, care, and talented in their unique ways but the pain inside of them, they could not let it go. The other woman that I was trying Hook with, had Suicide thoughts and she did drugs because her mom verbally abuse her and she was sexual molested in her teens. She very attractive like a hot model, funny, nice, and very intelligent but she sell herself short because she gave up on her goals and did want to be helped.

[Kreneman]

In your situation, be sure to make wise choices because what I learn is that feelings and sexual lust is not healthy and it can back fire in many ways that you could imagine because nobody controls people's emotions and that will always take an affect especially with the wrong person.

[sphinx23]

No. I haven't and I don't have any intention to be in one.

I know a couple of friends do it. I respect their decision, it's their life. But in this particular set up, it's always the woman who is in the losing end. So, it won't be healthy to be in one, if you're intention is to make it serious. Agreeing to a man to be in this kind of setup won't actually make him change and be with you in the first place.

A man will change for the woman if he wants to, not because he's being told.

[Anonymous]

I did once and only once and was sorely mistaken. No man entering in said situation wants to be serious. He's in it for sex and companionship when he wants it. Nothing else.

Likely there are women who are in it for the same reasons. But if someone says, "I don't want to get serious too quickly." That is a GIANT RED FLAG. OR "We'll see how this goes." Oh, snap.

But, of course, there are people in two-year relationships that were serious, who are living together, and one or the other leaves for someone or something else!

My point being, don't enter a relationship that is circumscribed as NOT SERIOUS hoping it will become something else. The famous expression "it is what it is," has great weight here.

[OlderAndWiser]

"No man entering in said situation wants to be serious. He's in it for sex and companionship when he wants it. Nothing else." By definition, isn't that what a friends-with-benefits relationship is supposed to be?

[Opinion Owner]

Sure. That IS what it's supposed to be. But hope springs eternal in the human breast. And sex confuses your brain with feelings of love.

[OlderAndWiser]

Of course, and that's really the point of this post. People enter a friends-with-benefits relationship SAYING that they just want casual se, no strings attached, etc., but they really WANT more. Much more. And the relationship, and their lives, would be much easier if only they were honest with themselves.

[Opinion Owner]

WEeeellll it also IS a way to put your toe in the water and not dive in. So people avoid getting hurt. But end up getting hurt for different reasons.

[OlderAndWiser]

Exactly!

[Opinion Owner]

And there is always the case that when you first meet someone, they are JUST an friends with benefits, but as you get
to know them better you'd like them to NOT be one, but their agenda was set from the start and you're barking up the wrong tree.

[OlderAndWiser]

It's lke going fishing at a lake where there are no fish!

[Finchie40]

Yes , it can work if you are both on the same page as things , FWB’s is good if you both just got out of a relationship and not Looking to rush into a new one , but you are friends with the added bonus of having great sex together , but through my experiences with it you are best to not let it go on for too long , meaning tell your FWB’s that you only want to be with them before it’s to late , My 1 FWB’s is the one that got away , I kick myself in the ass for being blind to what I had with her , she wanted more and I was just being a dumb ass , she eventually met someone else and I deserved it because I was being selfish , I was focusing on other
Girls when I should of been focusing on her , it was a lesson learned ,

[ObscuredBeyond]

Not willingly. I wanted to believe that things were serious, and I was just about engaged. I wanted to get married. But then, she kept playing hot and cold, and discussed downgrading to friends with benefits. I was grossly insulted, only to learn she'd been cheating the entire time.

I was nothing but a game to her, and I got tired of being the pawn. Especially when I found out how she endangered her past pawns! Bitch was a sociopath.

Since then, I've never let anything progress that far with any other woman.

[RavVid]

Likewise I don't get it either. In an affair at least one of the parties is wanting their cake and to eat it too so that is understandable. With unattached parties it is less understandable to me. It sort of seems a one night stand on repeat cycle.

I could get it if one of the parties is clearly not going to be exclusive and there have been girls like that but nonetheless they were exciting enough for me to want to repeat with. However there was always a sense with them I was being played and dancing to their tune. So as much as I enjoyed their bodies and their magic moves in bed, I reluctantly decided to bail.

I'll be very interested in what those who have say.

[Kabluie]

Yeah, I told the story here on GAG over the past year. I was 21 and she was 18 when she came up for orientation at my university. Had sex, and we knew it'd be a friends with benefits thing when classes start. Just it was always a little more, we'd go out on traditional dates, basically having fun being open and not having the R or L word tangling anyone. Sparks never left even after we graduated. Next thing we go out together again, which was how things always were with us. End up at a hotel resort and eventually she told me she loved me. What a sly one.

[Lliam]

There was no such term "friends with benefits" when I was dating. It was called having a girlfriend/boyfriend.
People basically got into relationships, hung out together, went places and did things as a couple, and enjoyed the sex. I have no idea how many people had open relationships or cheated. I didn't.
When I was young, I had no intention of getting married, so I typically moved on after several months.

[Vanidal]

Me and this girl were each other's first crushes.
We both cheated from our boyfriend/girlfriend.
The intimacy went first before the discussion.
The discussion was about us going together if any of us broke off from our boyfriend/girlfriend.
Turned out we didn't break from our boyfriend/girlfriend.
We stopped what we were doing.

[Dazed0N0Confused]

I've had 1 friends with benefits relationship & we both knew it was purely for sex & no strings attached spooning & cuddling. No, neither of us went into the relationship wanting to turn it serious. I helped him with advice & what have you once he DID find himself a girlfriend, but man was I upset when it happened... Not because I caught feelings, but because the sex was AMAZING! Still the best & biggest sex partner I have ever had.

[stargazeraug1989]

Would you consider having another one?

[Dazed0N0Confused]

Maybe if my boyfriend & I split up & my son was older, but I'm happy with where I'm at in life. I don't regret my friends with benefits relationship, it was fun while it lasted

[wtfhunt]

Lord how big was he was it his height his penis?

[RavVid]

So was it more in the nature of an affair given you had a boyfriend and child?

And you wouldn't spoon or cuddle - is that right?

[MrOracle]

That's like putting on 4 layers of clothes including a parka to visit a tropical beach - it's the opposite of what makes sense.

Friends With Benefits is the opposite of a relationship, not a stop along the way to a relationship. If you go towards one, you move away from the other.

[MrsTurkleton]

No, but I did go into a friends with benefits situation knowing there was something I wanted from a guy

I wouldn’t do it again now, but wouldn’t take it back.

[OlderAndWiser]

What was it that you wanted? Something specific of a sexal nature?

[MrsTurkleton]

It wasn’t that because you get that in friends with benefits anyway. All kinks are on the table.

It’s a long story and not that interesting to hear in comparison to what you asked.
It worked out, but if I was in that situation again, I would be more upfront.

[Twalli]

If I'mever in one it will probably be with my girlfriend if we break up. It's pretty clear now that we won't stop caring about each other. Yet, there is a possibility that marriage may not work for us. If that's the case we have to decide whether or not we should stay together. If we choose not to we mak see each other in a friends with benefits relationships until one of us dates someone else.

[msc545]

I have never entered such a relationship with the sort of intent you describe, but things happen... including feelings. For us, they happened on both sides and quite intensely. I don't think I have ever loved another person quite that much, or felt that loved.

[On_cloud_wine]

This is your current romance status now? That you’re in love?

[msc545]

@On_cloud_wine No, she is long gone sadly.

[On_cloud_wine]

Why?

[msc545]

@On_cloud_wine moved to Spain. I should have gone with her.

[On_cloud_wine]

Aw I’m sorry. Perhaps you still can..

[msc545]

@On_cloud_wine Perhaps.

[Avicenna]

No, but I once met a woman who said she wanted friends with benefits but actually seemed to want an exclusive relationship. I ended up dating someone else who was more sure of herself and what she wanted.

[Anonymous]

HELL NO.

when I started f-cking the guy I was in love with someone else. Someone that didn’t want me

[wtfhunt]

and what happened?

[Cecinene]

And what then happened to you and the guy

[Opinion Owner]

@wtfhunt
I got over the shot idiot that didn’t want me and started to fall for my F-BOY. My F-BOY was always so sweet with me. It was unbelievable.
I could never replace him.
But I already messed up.
I gave myself to him too soon.
Now he doesn’t see me as a good girl. I’m just one of his toys for fun
🥺

[Opinion Owner]

*short idiot*

[Opinion Owner]

@cecinene
Which one?

[OlderAndWiser]

Yes, that is usually one of the problems with rushing into a sexual relationship.

[Cecinene]

What do you mean by that?

[Opinion Owner]

@Cecinene
Sorry lol

Basically I became attached to the guy I was messing with. And lost Interest in the crush that didn’t want want me to begin with.
But the guy I was using now doesn’t see me as relationship material

[Dargil]

I was in one but knew it would end at the end of the academic year. We were fond of each other and the ending was bitter-sweet. We agreed not to contact each other after our relationship had ended.

[BlueScorpio]

No. Sex is important to me and don't want meaningless sex with a guy who will eventually dip.

[Sixgunsound]

From what I understand the whole point of them is no strings screwing around. Someone trying to attach strings detonates the whole concept. Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?

[musicbrain5]

No, I would never invite such drama into my life. You’re either in a relationship or you’re not.

[Brandi555]

I’m in a friends with bennies now. I’m not looking for a relationship but I’m not against it either. If it happens it happens. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[bubblegunnn]

Neverrrrrr irl.. but many of my guy friends asked me to be their virtual friends with benefits with another reason

[Luopio27]

Virtual friends with benifits?

[bubblegunnn]

Yes correct

[dophix]

I didn't know that thing exist. How was your experience?

[bubblegunnn]

Lets move to pm

[Circlesgames]

Lol, I know what it means, but what am curious of is, you girls that have a lot of male friends do you guys really not do anything with them so it's just having male friends even some are married already

[Cecinene]

Nah I have really entered a relationship of friends with benefits but the both of us didn't even of making it serious.

[findacure4wokeness]

More often then not someone will end up wanting more, I've been on both sides of the scenario them and I agreed it was to be nothing serous but sex often develops into something more then we intended it to be, None of us were dishonest about our intentions, feelings change. it's just part of human nature

[Moonshae]

Never turned a friends with benefits into a relationship

[UnknownPuppet]

Yes but I failed 🤷‍♀️ I do not recommend it

[ManOnFire]

Yes. And eventually it did become a relationship.

[ALPHABLACK]

No never did never will

Females are out of my life permanently

[Anonymous]

i don't do friends with benefits. ever. it's the stupidest set up i've ever heard of. respect yourself, christ...

[dophix]

I met someone online. He want me to be a fling however he is a friend to me. So he change, he barely talks to me now 😂

[AsaKyo]

Would never be in one of these as I don't cross that line with "friends"

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I've never been in a friends with benefits relationship

[petitedollbabee]

Many of my friends with benefits relationships have turned into committed relationships, but I don’t go into friends with benefits relationships with the intention of turning it into something more. I just let things take their natural course.

[NottaNatty]

Dude, I barely have the benefit of having friends let alone a friend with benefits.😆

[katestar]

I've been friends with my guy friend. All I did was say hi. We hung out. Nothing else

[WizzardGirl]

Im currently not if i am in one or not... so if its yes its shit... i dont even know the difference anymore

[Cubus]

Nope. I believe friends with benefits is wasting your time.

[Anonymous]

I did once but we silently agreed it wasn’t going to work

[innerman]

You dnt wana get a cookie, dnt go into the kitchen

[WhiteBoyChill]

Oh God no. And I dont plan on doing that stuff either

[Anonymous]

I would Never enter a friends with benefits.

[donaldbull48]

Forcing something doesn’t really workout and I’ve never had such intentions.

[jimmy2]

I would think after a few transactions feeling would creap in

[Anonymous]

No, that would be a total waste of time in my opinion.

[melanieeeB]

Hell no, usually and mostly you can't turn something like that into a relationship

[Onashir]

No that would not count as FB

[OlderAndWiser]

It happens. . . frequently.

[HarryDallan]

A girl offered me a friends with benefits action, but I refused. We were friendly at that point, but after her offer I ended it all. That's not my cup of tea.

[Agape93]

Nope but it's happened

[MiseriaCantareAFI]

friends with benefits, is for pathetic losers, with no lives

[JessJJ]

No, just kept it to sex only.

[chocomilk99]

Nahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[Massageman]

Darn hormones - always mess things up.

[Fromdusktilldawn]

Guess you have to be a Chad to get there

[LavLavLuv]

He wanted it to be serious, but i didn’t

[OnlinePeanut22]

Nope don't see the points of it.

[Dragonflz]

Tried it once it’s not for me.

[JesseJayNeak]

No. That’s not my style

[Aerolyn]

Nope.