Are relationships even worthy if many of them end up in break-ups or you get cheated on?

[Anonymous]

Are relationships nowadays even worthy for either gender?

- You get cheated on or played with; it means a total waste of time they took from you. Then you have to start all over again.

- Then even if they don't abuse, cheat nor do anything wrong... if you stay in a relationship for too long, many times they all ran its course and you guys break-up. Nowadays someone rarely ever ends up having kids with someone they were with for 6-8 years. Another waste of time (both people were just dating to date) and once again you have to start all over again.

Updates

1 y

Also, no relationship can stay stuck in at infatuation and passionated love (oh the moon and the stars, you're the love of my life) stage forever. If it stays there then it's a dead-end and it'll die eventually. It has to eventually mature into another type of love.

[HighValue]

Women like getting cheated on. They enjoy the drama and suffering, that is why they repeatedly choose the same kinds of hook up/casual sex guys and complain about being cheated on.

If they didn't want to get cheated on they would refuse to date anyone that had a history/past of casual sex, but in reality most women PREFER men with lots of sexual experience, including a past of casual sex. They often avoid less sexually experienced men.

And by the way, it is usually women that end relationships statistically, especially when it involves marriage and kids, not men.

[Asker]

This is why I don't care about the ''falling in love'' stage nor the man being attractive. I don't want an attractive man. That's like stuffing myself with chocolates and greasy foods, all short-lived.
Is the infatuation stage and worthless lovebombings gonna give me kids, get me to build a future with him? Nope.

[Asker]

I'd rather marry someone that's average/mediocre in looks, not love in the passionate way (but love in as my life partner and the father of my future kids; mature love type) and therefore, I'm not wasting my time nor years. I don't have all time to be dating forever.

[HighValue]

You can still have an attractive man. Just because a man is attractive doesn't mean he would cheat or abandon his kids/family. But people need more in common that physical attraction. they need the physical attraction, but they also need to have compatible morals, compatible long term life goals, have a past that is acceptable to each partner, and have some things in common that they enjoy doing together besides just sexual stuff. they need a couple hobbies or something to do together.

They also need to discuss relationship role expectations before moving in together. Who is expected to work and how much they are expected to provide/contribute, who is expected to do things at home and how much/often, who is the one to make the important decisions, especially when it comes to how to raise the kids.
Things like that need to be discussed to see how compatible the couple actually would be for long term, but most people don't think of that. They just enjoy sex with their partner and ignore the many other important parts of a relationship that could make it last, so once they live together they both realize that they are often totally incompatible.

I personally think about those things and more to see if someone would actually be compatible or not, and I ask questions when getting to know someone in order to determine if they may be compatible or not because a LTR is the only type of relationship I am interested in.

How about you? What do you ask potential partners when first getting to know them?

[Asker]

With that said I can put a timeframe to the cohabitation thing too. I don't want to end up living together for whatever he wants to (lets say 5-6 years) and I'm still childless by then, the relationship isn't progressing, he's still undecided about kids and can wait another 5 years but I can't.
The thing is nowadays, if we don't put a timeframe or aren't straight forwards, many men get too comfortable and can take all their sweet time, not paying attention that we have a limited reproductive time.

[HighValue]

I think dating for 1 year, then living together for 1 year is plenty long to know if they want to have kids together or not. If they aren't sure by then, they are just using you and biding their time.
But marriage is unnecessary. Two people can live together long term, be exclusive, have kids, etc. all without legal marriage.

Don't you think two years (1 dating and 1 living together) is plenty long to know if things will work out long term or not?

[Asker]

2 years should be more than enough. I actually do want to have kids in a marriage. I can help out with the wedding bills and preparations. I wouldn't let him pay it all. I like helping out with bills.

[HighValue]

If you want marriage, what do you think about a prenuptial agreement where the guy wouldn't be responsible for alimony, and he gets to keep his house, car, savings/investments, and all of his other stuff if it doesn't work out?
I think that is the main concern of most guys is the woman stealing from him during divorce. I personally would never get married without a prenuptial agreement.

[Asker]

Sure. I got my stuff too (two cars, two houses and 4 different bank accounts too).

[Asker]

I think desperate people that want money are usually the types that never work to get their own stuff or can't survive without someone else's income. If you got your own stuff and can't survive without their income, why would you want extra money for?

[HighValue]

One of my former friends married a woman that made more than him, but after they were married and had their first kid together she quit working and moved in her mother, sister, her sister's kid, and her brother. They were all mooching off my former friend. He really got screwed over. No prenuptial agreement either. Now that they are divorced, she has the house that he paid for.

I'd just want to protect myself, and she can protect her own stuff as well. That is fair in my opinion.

[Asker]

Sure enough. I don't want his stuff and I'm not giving him my stuff either. Sounds like a good deal.

[ragadox9]

it's fr depends on the person u are with, love , relationships aren't meant to like (cute love passionate loving birds) all the time , you will get bored at some point you will feel the vibe is off that's why u need someone who is mature enough to understand that, relationships need effort and patience, I don't know how people can date for like years but not want to marry , I don't understand why they waste each other time, I mean if you don't want to marry and stay with person then what r u waiting for a better person? Thats why many relationships are pointless nowadays.

[Aerolyn]

It depends on who you are as an individual and your values.

Some people seem perfectly fine without being in one, while other howl and whine about not being in one every five minutes.

[Asker]

True. Personally I don't care too much about the guy being attractive nor the infatuation stage. What's the use of this ''I'm in love, I'll be with you forever'' thing if that's not the person you'll share a house, have kids with and settle down with.
The infatuation lustful stage is to me the same as liking to eat chocolates and steaks, all short-lived and it can ends eventually versus nutrients that are helpful in the long run.

[FilmGuy93]

I've had pretty horrible dating experiences, and even I think relationships are worth it.

[BarryLiverstone]

Yes they are worth it but it takes work

[Asker]

Yet at the end of the day, it's the man that decides if the relationship progresses to having kids or stays as just the infatuation boyfriend and girlfriend stage (a dead-end). All we can do is state our points, timeframe to form a family and goals but he gets to decide to go along with it or not.
If I were in a relationship for 5-8 years of it never goes anywhere and then it ends up in a break-up, that would be 5-8 years of total waste of time I'll never get back.

[BarryLiverstone]

Nope it’s not the man, it takes two to tango

[Asker]

Yeah the woman in that position should've left long ago. I don't know why many women stay on those dead-ends.

[Googlemyahoo]

You keep going until you find the one you trust.