My boyfriend wants to go on a holiday to Ibiza?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year, when we first got together we set boundaries, and lately the boundaries he set he's wanting to change.

Last night he called me and told me that at work they decided if they hit their target that the company will pay for an all-expense trip to Ibiza for the staff. Which consists of 40-30 -year-old men and my boyfriend whos the youngest. He told me about it and expected me to be okay with it even though a boundary he set himself was that we can't go on holidays outside the country with friends, only with each other or immediate family. I told him he can't go as this is a boundary he set himself and I'm shocked he thinks it's okay. He said you have my location on, you'll know where I am at all times, hell call me every night. I just think it's ridiculous it's a party place, someone in a serious relationship has no business there. I for one would never go even if all my friends were going I wouldn't. I wouldn't even mention it to my boyfriend as I think it's disrespectful to him. I asked him if the shoe was on the other foot would he have a problem with me going and he said yes as I'm a female and that men would hit on me the whole time, whereas he's a man and no female would speak to him. He's now saying if you have any holidays you want to go on with any friends I no longer have a problem with you going as long as it's not a party place like Ibiza etc. I think he's bending his own rules to suit himself, when he first mentioned these rules I tried to reason with him to think it was okay to occasionally go on a holiday but he wasn't having it.

He's told me if they ( work) are going he will too and I have to make peace with it, I told him he'd be going as a single man as I'm not going to tolerate it.

I don't know what to do, I don't want him to go

[SueShe]

You are perfectly right to act the way you do since he is the one that set the rules. My reply to @Luckycharms12 goes in this direction.

It is okay for him to break his own rules yet he is probably expecting you to keep those same rules if the tables were turned around.

Don't let yourself be forced to do something just because it becomes inconvenient for him. The company decides to pay for a holiday in a place where alcohol intoxication, prostitution and lewd behaviors is the rule rather than the exception.

He will be under pressure by his peers to go along and if he has a weaker character, he will tag along in order not to be seen as a party poop.

Even if a company pays for such an incentive, it is not mandatory for the employees to attend because such incentives are rarely part of a working contract.

[Asker]

Hi Sue, thank you for the advice. I spoke to him today and he told me that he thought about it and since he set the rule he's not going to go. He said everything I said to him was right and he should have known better than to expect me to be okay with it.

[SueShe]

Good. It looks as if he did realize that what he was expecting from you was not right. Glad the issue is solved.

However, I am not certain that he is not expecting you to do an exception now that he confessed.

[Twalli]

He would be going with work colleagues, not with friends. As for people hitting on others, I will agree that it is far more likely to happen to you than him. I don't think it should be an issue if you are in a good relationship. Clearly by this argument, you aren't.

[Asker]

It's not that I don't trust him, It's just the principle of him wanting to bend his own rule.

[Truthatanycost]

He is showing you who he is, and that his boundaries mean nothing (unless they benefit him). What you do with this new found information is what will set the precedent of the rest of the relationship (if there is one).

[Asker]

You may be right, I spoke to him today and he told me I was right and he shouldn't go. I'm not sure if this is he speaking without thinking or if he was chancing his arm by expecting me to be okay with this trip.

[Part2603]

"he's a man and no female would speak to him."

Lol, true dat.

Why don't you just go with him?

[Hardworkingguy]

MMM 🤔 you basically just met him. I'd do that with a woman I've been with more than 3 years

[Asker]

I can imagine everyone is different although my boyfriend and I are in a very serious relationship.

[Avicenna]

Well, can you go too?

[Asker]

It's not something I would join.

[Luckycharms12]

You can't stop him if can't trust him break up

[SueShe]

Don't forget that he specifically set the rules. Why is okay for him to break the rules yet you expect that she should break up for adhering to the rules that HE set?

[Luckycharms12]

Double standard

[SueShe]

Exactly, double standards for him. Glad you agree!

[Guy13]

Safe travels…