My boyfriend told me that his mom thinks Im staying at his too much? I dont know who has crossed the line his mom or him for telling me what she said?

[basho]

We are in a long distance relationship and i try to visit at least once a month and usually stay a couple of days when i do travel to see him. after he told me what his mom said, its made me feel really uncomfortable about even thinking of visiting and I've lost respect for his mom.

[SueShe]

Is the place your boyfriend's or his mother's and if it is the second one, is your boyfriend still staying at his mother's place?

If the place is the boyfriend's, then the mother has nothing to say, even if she pays the rent. Everyone is entitled to his/her privacy and the mother is actually infringing on her son's private sphere. This is a total no-go and a red flag. Your boyfriend on the other hand lacks character to tell his mother that whatever he does within his 4 walls is none of her business.

If, on the other hand, the boyfriend is staying at his mother's place and you just "invite" yourself over to her place, then she is justified to say something. However, her behavior also indicates that she is a very controlling person.

Whatever the scenario, she lacks diplomacy and is not the type of mother-in-law you wish to have.

Now, you have to be cautious about the entire situation because if you make your boyfriend aware that you dislike his mother, this will cause a conflict and if your boyfriend has a weak character or personality, he will not stand his ground and defend you but he will defend his mother. Good luck.

[basho]

He rents the place and pays the rent himself. I told him how she made me feel so I hope he takes it on board, it still plays in my head so i really wanted to see if I was just making a big deal about the situation or if I should feel the way I do. Really uncomfortable and not want to visit anymore.

[SueShe]

In this case, let him come over to see you and then his mother has nothing to bitch about anymore. Also, why should you have to travel to see him and not the other way round?

[Lina26]

If the place belongs to his mother , then she is in her right. And no one has crossed a line. in my opinion you just took it too personal.

[basho]

He rents the place and pays the rent himself. I think her stepping in has made me feel really uncomfortable and now I feel really anxious about visitiing, I haven't flown over to see him in 4 months now because i get anxiety that his mom will keep ringing him to ask me to leave his place which is what happened when i visited him in June so i think someone has crossed the line to make me feel this way.

[basho]

Its a flat in london and she lives in a different province for context.

[bigmatt98]

First off who’s house or place of residency are you going? His or his moms? If it’s his moms then yea she has a right to say who comes in her home and how long if it’s his then she needs to butt the fuck out of business that doesn’t concern her. And if he doesn’t have the balls to say the same thing. Then she will walk over you for the rest of your relationship because he has no back home against her so you will have no support.

[Guy13]

His momma has more pull than you in the end. How are you going to respect her out of this⁉️

[basho]

i honestly dont know

[Guy13]

If you get with Mom…Mrs Name, may I speak with you and convey your intentions, heart, and “if this relationship becomes a life-long arrangement…I want to be able to share time with you as Family.” I just wanted to get this out and thank you for hearing me out 🙂
This girl is an adult…I MIGHT have been wrong. She’ll turn into a Pit but not to take a chunk out of you…”Actions and Words”.,,

[Bethany22]

I wonder what she'd say if you asked him to start visiting you instead

[basho]

He does visit me too but at the time I visited him twice in the span of a month because he was unable to fly over, she ended up getting involved saying to him be careful that his room mates don´t think I am living with him, and that he should be careful lending me stuff too. His dad passed away so his mom tends to get involved with stuff but its awful to hear these things still. I honestly dont feel like getting on a plane now because it gives me anxiety.

[Anonymous]

How has his mother crossed the line or him?

Maybe you are staying too much?

You're only 25. She's older and wiser.

Respect your elders.

[basho]

i visit him once a month in a home he rents with his own money so i didn't think her opinion was right

[Anonymous]

How often does he come to see you? Maybe he needs to start doing that more regularly.