Unless you have children, I'm going to assume you keeping the door open to your ex means there's some unfinished business there or lingering feelings. I don't understand people who want to keep exes around these days, an ex is an ex for reason. To me it just seems they are keeping them around as a second option in case old feeling come up again. Maybe it's just me, but if you want to hang out with your ex and be all chummy then you might as well try to fix the relationship and try again. I will not stick around with man who's still engaging with his, you will not make me out to be the jealous, insecure, worried girlfriend/wife cause you want to keep an ex around. Not doing it.
Eh... I get tired of talking about/explaining the difference between dating/"long term" and marriage. But the bottom line is you will never get even the potential of total commitment until you actually make a 100% commitment but a lot of people think they can date and get the same level of loyalty. It's insanity. The whole point of not getting married is so you're not forced into a situation where not being loyal has major consequences (or where you have a major obligation to whatever).
Naturally, if the dating pool is mostly people you would never want to marry then you're in a endless cycle of break ups and/or cheating and/or being cheated on. It's just as natural as a fish swimming in water. You want someone to be loyal to you then you must invest in being loyal (to the right person).
Strictly no for me.
I would feel disrespected because we are all grown up people, and what we had in past should remain in the past. It's not logical either regardless they've seperated in good terms. I'm a protective type so i cannot share my women with anyone, especially with someone whom had a romantic relation with her. You cannot stay friends with an X as it just don't work. Any problem with me, I'll end up seeing her back to his arms for an emotional support. The only time i can't and wouldn't say anything is if they have kids involved. Other than that it's one of my strict boundaries. You never know what comes in afterwards so... strictly no for me and her too. If she accepts she stays, if she doesn't, she's more than welcomed to go.
I'm sure it's very case-sensitive.
For example, my husband "dated" a girl in his friend group when they were 12. His friend group is still intact so he still talks to her. But I am not threatened by that at all because the notion is ridiculous 😂
My husband and I met when he was 12 (I had nothing to do with his "break up" lmao), started dating 4 years later, and here we are. If I wanted to know my husband's sexual history I'd just look in the mirror. 🤷🏼♀️
I could see how it'd be very difficult to believe nothing was going on if your SO were talking to an ex with whom you knew they'd had sex, though.
it’s great that you trust your partner!
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It better be. My ex-wife (we're divorced) and I still keep in touch, my SO knows about it, and she doesn't complain.
Aww that’s really nice!
u If they have children together, the answer is clearly "yes." If they do not have children together, WHY should they remain in contact with each other? I think it is disrespectful to the current partner to stay in touch with an ex if there are no children involved.
It depends on the circumstances. I have kids with an ex and am friends with another one.
No, as I would be worried about my boyfriend still having feelings for the ex girlfriends
Unacceptable if no children.
It depends really. But yeah.
For me, it's fine if it's clear there's nothing there anymore. Their ex could be happily married, why would I then have an issue if my guy is still in contact with her?
Some people part ways very amicably. I don't expect every ex to be a bad ex, if anything THAT would be the red flag. If my guy is able to end things on good terms with exes, that's interesting in a good way. What's weird or off about that? Hell, I'm the red flag! I can only think of one ex of mine with whom I can say "sure, we can keep in touch".
If the ex isn't a bad ex, why treat them like they've got the plague? Did he not care about them at some point? Did he only care romantically and sexually or did he actually care for their wellbeing, whether together or not?
I feel like if it's something like, they were friends then tried to date for a little, realized they weren't comfortable with it and went back to being friends, that's one case it's expectable. or if they met on a dating app but bonded Photonically instead of romantical or sexually. but that's also a rare case.
the biggest red flag is if they recently broke up with he ex, is dating you but still talks to the ex. in that cause you could be a "rebound" with means they're just dating you to fill the space until they can get back with their ex.
if they also keep reminiscing on there past relationship, that's also a red flag especially if they are still in contact with the ex. they defiantly stuck in the past and that could endanger your relationship. even if they they don't end up cheating on you. they're mentally comparing you to their ex. and possibly complaining about both of you to each other
I don't there is a hard fast here it depends on boundaries yes but also the nature of the past relationship, the source of the breakup, the personalities of all those involved, and where her new with the relationship you is in its development.
To give an easy example suppose if she and her ex had been on-again-off-again for decades and despite their obvious long-term incompatibility still rushed to each other comfort bc there is no one else who automatically understands the other would day.
In that case, a strict restraining order like separation might not only be necessary to give your budding relationship a chance but for her to move on and heal I'm general.
Not really, no...
She doesn't have to hate them or anything. If we ran into them in public, I wouldn't be mad if she said "hi" to them, but I wouldn't want her to be friends with any of her exes.
But she is an adult and can be friends with whomever she wants. I would feel disrespected, though.
Ah, I see. May I ask why you’d feel disrespected? Even if they had firm boundaries and dated a very long time ago?
I guess if they ended up being good friends and don't ever see themselves going back that way, or have kids together then that's fine.. I'll have to be careful with the friends thing.. My ex claimed to be friends with her exes which I believe there was ultimately a lot of truth to it, but I could tell she still had a lot of not necessarily healthy unresolved feelings for especially her last ex before me.. She still has some of my belongings and that sealed the deal on how she dealt with breaking it off..
Which relationship you cherish more will be the one that prevails in your heart. You can’t have your cake and eat it to. Contact with exes means they got some deep hidden feelings they themselves haven’t come to terms with or they’ve lied to themselves and secretly still want to hold on to exes but through the disguise as “friends”, which irks me when people say they want to just be friends with exes. Like you never wanted to be just friends when you 1st met them what’s different now lol. The flame burned me the 1st time hmm maybe it won’t burn this time.
First of all, I am not going to control my partner that way. If she had a history of cheating on any of those men we would not be in a relationship to start with. So if she is maintaining contact for whatever reason I will trust her but make sure that she knows and understands continued contact is playing with fire. From that day forward I will start to look for patterns where she is not where she says she was or should be. If I find such a pattern I will dump her with NO 2nd chance. Going into such a relationship she will know this full dang well.
Staying in contact with exes while you have a new girlfriend or boyfriend is pretty fishy behavior to me because it makes me wonder, "Why are they still talking to this chick?". My assumption would be that they're most likely keeping them around as a fall back in case things don't work out in the new relationship or they're probably already fuckin' around behind my back. Though, I could be wrong and they COULD just be buddies, but I seriously doubt it. So to put it simply, it's very unlikely I would tolerate being with a dude who is still friendly with all his ex-girlfriends.
I have never once heard or seen that working out well in real life. People who are friendly with their exes had better have a GREAT external reason for doing so, like they have a kid together or something.
lmao, what if they decided to mutually end their relationship and remain as friends? (They don’t have kids) *hypothetical scenario by the way*
Hmm, I see. Thanks for the perspective!
I don't really believe in being able to be freinds with your ex. No matter how long ago there was romantic feelings and a sexual relationship, that's a fact forever. I couldn't ever forget that. For my ex's or his. It's just messy and there is no need to in my opinion.
I voted C. Friendly contact is okay but not flirting or anything beyond the bounds of what he’d do with a straight guy friend. Wbu?
I’m the same as you. I’d be a bit wary, that’s for sure, but if they had firm boundaries, I wouldn’t mind
This would not work for me, call me insecure I’ll will sooner accept this.
Your relationship was over, spending time with this person in my experience isn’t productive.
TBH if your with me your ex shouldn’t even be “a thing” anymore. If you have children then this is different you both have something to work on and this never really ends and this and this alone is all I could accept.
Yes. I have an ex i talk to like once a week.
And my partner has an ex they talk to a couple times a week
Aw that sounds great! it’s nice that you guys still maintain contact and remained friendly :)
Yes, as long as we are not talking about sexual contact.
understandable!
Personally, I'd never keep in contact with an ex or be in a relationship with someone who did. It just complicates new relationships.
I don't see the need to keep in contact with ex , unless they have kids together.
They'll always be an underlying threat to the relationship in your new partners mind. I'd never want a guy to feel awkward, uncomfortable or threatened by a previous relationship. It just causes emotional insecurity within a new relationship.
Perfectly acceptable. Especially if you had previously had a good relationship.
I was still going to my ex husbands bbqs while in a new relationship.
That partner who is now my ex and my best friend, is still in contact with one or two of his exes.
It had better be, because I have exes in my friend circle and I'm not ditching friends because some girl I've been dating a month says I have to do so.
Agreed!
Then you'll end up with one of them.
The base of any good relationship is thrust and honesty. You should be able to let your partner go wherever he/she wants and give them their freedom without being jealous. If you are able to do that and your partner is thrustworthy not to cross a line with his/her ex I feel that this should be no issue
Totally fine. I trust them. Their ex is an ex for a reason and they chose me.
Wonderful!
depends on the nature of the relationship and the boundaries that are in place
awesome
It really depends. I have contact with a single ex of mine. Its because we dated for a month and decided to revert back to being friends. We had been friends since i was in second grade. The contact is limited to seeing how the other is doing and catching up once or so per year, and never ever being alone with them. If its anything more than that than its unacceptable.
It depends on how I feel about the girl, how their relationship ended and whether she’s moved on.
Depends on many things.
My fiance has contact with her ex, because they have a child together and share custody, but that's perfectly normal. It took quite some time for them to be civil about things.
I am personally not friends with an of my ex's because once I break up with someone, they essentially don't exist to me.
If it's an ex wife/ husband with whom they've had kids by I see nothing wrong. But you're 17 so im not sure why you're so serious right now anyway. I was focused on college and having fun at your age. Unless he's told you he's exclusive to you then you really don't have any business worrying about who he talks to. Focus on your education
No i dont think it’s acceptable. It used to drive me crazy when my ex (boyfriend at that time) would text back when his ex hit him up with a “how have u been” text and he would entertain it. My current boyfriend blocked his ex lol (didn't tell him to do it.. my kinda guy).
My ex would also tell me about it, probably convinced himself that if he lets me know, its not wrong😂
No it's not cause in able tou start a new chapter in you life you have to first finish the last. So no it's ok cause it's not fair to the new person in your life and if you can't make a clean break then your not over that person and you should not be start a new relationship with anyone until your over you ex
Yes ofc cuz he got me already so he won't and no need to flirt with his ex
If you dont trust me, why do you say you love me?
Eh? Who are ya, mate?
I am just saying hypothetically.
I am not talking about you.
Ah, I see. Got worried for a minute there lmao
My brother has two boys with his ex girlfriend so he is consistently in contact with her when they trade weekends off. His wife does know about it and doesn't bother her.
It's perfectly fine. If someone wanted me to break contact with exes or anyone else, I'd consider it a red flag. That's a sign of someone who is both jealous and controlling.
There is no way in hell I would find that acceptable at all. Either you two are separate and the relationship is at an end, or it has not ended yet.
If you have shared children I see no harm in it as long as firm boundaries are set. But then again, who honors boundaries when it comes to good times and good sex memories?
Unless you have children with them, it's very unacceptable and rude. I will not tolerate it. Your ex is your past for a reason; they aren't part of your life anymore. They are nothing anymore.
Relationships either progress or lead to marriage or they end up in break-ups and die. I would also find it very disrespectful because why would a man that has no children want to be friends with his ex girlfriend? It makes no sense.
Not my place to say who a current SO has as friends or not. Trying to tell them who they can have contact with is, VERY CONTROLLING.
A controlling relationship is bad.
There are so many potential partners, why settle for someone strung up on past lovers.
In my experience dating, these partners are the sneakiest and you will never fully trust them.
s yes if they ended on good terms and are friends, I wouldn’t mind at all
The "firm boundaries" option really says all that needs to be said. If they broke up on good terms that's fantastic for them. If they're all over each other years later and in other relationships no less that becomes a problem.
Depends if their are small children involved.
When you have kids and if you two break apart. You'll be in contact with the ex sometimes more than 20 years
Something to think about
Its fine and all well as long as they ended in good terms
I dont fear the outhers, and like to meet and friend his exs as well
Largely depends. An ex of mine did, but she had a history of monkey branching. These guys were like subs on the bench. When I dumped her she was with an ex that week, she needed a guy for Christmas
Totally unacceptable unless it is for exchanging kids for custody purposes. I'd leave someone over that kind of behavior.
It is almost a given if there are children. But not every body hates their ex and it is possible just to be old friends. In that case it is ok.
No it's not acceptable unless kids are involved. Cutting off all ties is moving on completely from an ex. I want her to focus on me, not some ex still lingering.
C. Boundaries definitely need to be set.
As long as there are set boundaries I don't see any issue.
Since I don't bother investing in a relationship that lacks trust I have no issues with it. I got nothing to worry about anyway if I'm doing my job in the bedroom properly:)
I’ve learned and accepted that talking to your ex frequently end in cheating.
If they have kids together they have to. Otherwise in general no.
Yeah, it's okay. Every woman is an slut if you catch her on the right day. And I don't care if she cheats because I will do it too.
I think it's okay as long it was not a nasty break-up and there is no romantic feelings. I and still friends with some of my exes.
I mean it really depends how things finished and such and as long as healthy boundaries are followed sure.
Ex spouse of course especially if there are children involved, but an ex boyfriend or gfI don’t think so.
No. The past is the past and I don't need any man from her past popping back up
That would definitely depend on how their friendship is and how long it was since they were together.
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