My boyfriend wants me to be more active at the gym. Was his point valid?

[Anonymous]

my boyfriend said to me that I haven't been as active in the gym as I usually am. I haven't gone for a couple of months but I have been walking occasionally and I eat pretty clean.

He said that he would like it if I went more because he said that as a man physical attraction matters to him and he wants me to get to the best version of myself. He said on his end as a man he is doing his best to meet the needs I would want from him such as having vision , hard work.

He asked me if I would want him to stay in the same position he is in , with this career and financially and I said no, I would expect him to grow over time. He used this as a way to explain how he wouldn't want me to stay in the same place with my physical well being, with toning up and being more active.

I did not really take the conversation well, was his point valid?

[DaveJord]

I will be blunt and honest. I had this conversation before with my ex-wife. I tried to be really delicate about it, tried to be respectful and nice. Because I was having concerns, she was not physically able to keep up with me. She was complaining a lot about knee and back pain... and then using that as an excuse for other things. So I suggested that she work out more, not for any other reason other than for her own future health and well-being.

God honest truth... what I wasn't really saying was that she was getting fat. Like 20 plus pounds over heavy then the day I met her. And that all that knee and back pain was due to the weight gain. Well, she was upset with me, because she was no dummy, she knew what I was really thinking.

Then year after she lost like 50 pounds and got super fit... guess what she never complained about knee or back pain again... until she fell off the wagon and gained all the weight back. A few later we were divorced. Not because of her weight, but for many other reasons.

So yeah, you boyfriend is worried you are going to fat, don't be fooled. He wants someone that can keep up with him physically, and me might be one of those superficial types that just wants a sexy piece of arm candy. I don't know that is for you to figure out. But you start to let go in your mid to late 20's then how far out of whack will it be in your 40's or after childbirth?

For my ex-wife she was 50 pounds overweight, before she lost it all and got it back again. Now she lives with her dad.

[JamesDiaz11]

Of course you didn't take the point well- women never like being held accountable.

Get back in the gym- he's giving you an opportunity to improve. He won't be asking next time- he'll be hitting up the next girl who goes to the gym and takes care of herself.

[SueShe]

Your boyfriend is toxic and his behavior is a total no go.

He is basically coercing you to do something that is to his benefit because he only sees your physical attractivity and not the rest of you. You, as a person, with your intellect, character and personality are irrelevant to him. The only thing that counts to him is your physical appearance.

This situation is going to last as long as he finds you attractive. In a few years from now, you will no longer be attractive enough to him and he will drop you like a hot potato. He is the type of person that only prioritizes the looks in a partner.

If I had a boyfriend that behaves and thinks like that, he would have been gone the second he opens his mouth to tell you what he told you. There is no room in my life for toxic people.

[JamesDiaz11]

Don't listen to this brainwashed feminist. The asker is the one who stopped keeping up with herself and gained 20 pounds since they've been together- that's not an accident, that's NOT TRYING.
Then we're gonna gaslight the guy, saying that he only cares about the physical- of course guys CARE about the physical, but the fact that he's stuck around and had the bravery to address this with the asker shows he cares about her and wants to make it work. This doesn't mean to forego what he wants.
This woman is as toxic as it gets. I repeat, DO NOT LISTEN TO HER.

[watercolor_lions]

His point is valid, but I think the real issue comes down to values.

It seems like you two don't necessarily value the same things? This can be a deal breaker in the long run, if either of you have a very strong stance on it. I couldn't personally be with him because I don't value physical appearance that much. But I'm not dating him.

Do you feel like his financial stance and your physicality is an equal comparison? Or do you value his financial growth over your physical growth? Vice versa? Do you have a job? Why didn't he compare your job to his?

[Guy13]

He’s trying to force you to do something that you are not feeling at the moment. It is immature and controlling. He clearly has no idea how to engage a woman. How old is he?

[Summeroflove]

It’s good that he wants you healthy. But it seems controlling and that he would dump you if you’re not perfect all the tjem

[bamesjond0069]

I mean if he wanted you to smoke Crack or get a swastika tat on your forehead... he's encouraging to have good health and maintain your appearance. Smh. If you conclude him caring about your health and beauty is bad he should just dump you. No long term potential. Anyone who says I look fine now I don't need to worry about lifestyle choices is a ticking time bomb over the long term. Men and women who look hot at 65 it's not genetics it's lifestyle choices. I'm 35 and I'm hot asf and participate at a high level in sports, there are those who gained 70lbs straight out of high school and at 19 their life as an attractive healthy active person is over.

[boggboss]

I believe it is yes talking about weight is always a shit subject but for u to say you wouldn't be happy for him to stay in the same place financially I think he has a abailty to comment on aspects of you

[boggboss]

Equally to that I did just say comment ge can't force u to do so

[victoriaxoxo]

Sounds like a valid point. I would also want a partner who keeps somewhat in shape. Doesn't need to be crazy fit but just not overweight. How much do you weigh may I ask + what is your height?

[Anonymous]

Wtf
Is he a creep or what
For example I’m not a gym person I only do in house jump rope.
Unless he is saying this because he feels like you are fat and he wants to motivate you? But still
Just reading your post this men makes me puke

[Anonymous]

It's good that he's honest. I've found on the past that women I've dated once we start seriously dating start to eat heavily and pug on serious beef, then when they decide they want another guy they slim down

[victoriaxoxo]

I used to wonder why that's a thing too until I moved in to live with a guy and found out myself. Men tend to eat a lot more than women and drink more too so when I moved in to live with a guy my calorie intake went from 1000 a day to 2000 a day because the guy would eat 3-4 times a day and consume about 3000-4000 calories. He would also drink a lot more often than me. The guy's weight usually goes down because he's eating less than he would on his own. Basically our habits meet in the middle and I put on 5kg and he drops 5kg. It was really annoying. I ended up buying a separate fridge to keep food in and we'd always cook meals separately. That solved the issue :)

[Opinion Owner]

@victoriaxoxo I think its because women get too comfortable

[victoriaxoxo]

It isn't. I just think people pick up each other's habits. No woman wants to be fat. In fact many would prefer being dead over being fat. It's just what happens if a woman moves in to live with a guy, they end up going out for food and drinking, stuff a woman wouldn't be doing anywhere as frequently on her own. Same thing if someone starts dating a smoker, they start smoking themselves. I don't think any person aspires to be a smoker or to get fat or develop a drinking problem, just other people's habits rub off on us too easily.

[Mangospacho]

Yeah he’s being an idiot if he thinks his partner’s looks should improve over time and compares it to his career. 🙄 As if you’re supposed to have a better body when you’re 65 compared to when you’re 25.

[Lis-the-librarian]

So you want him to grow but you want to remain the same or even go down in looks?

Getting older is fine, not wanting to be the best for the love of your life seems like a 🚩

[Anonymous]

he's a fucking idiot. people grow old their bodies aren't the same as they age. i try to stay in shape and work out to fend off punk ass 20 and 30 year olds and some bastard 50 and 60 year old pricks when altercations occurr.

[Shy_Steve]

Tell him how you feel about it, If He doesn't really Comfort you in any way or makes you feel worse then you should dump him.

[jayhams]

Sounds fair to me.

[LimitedBenefits101]

Valid af, stop being lazy