My boyfriend wants me to go gym with him.. does he not like my body or find me attractive? Im so upset?

[Anonymous]

Me and my boyfriend been together for over a year
he's into fitness - he goes gym regularly
Whereas im the opposite.. I hardly go gym nowadays
So today we were talking on the phone and this was some of our conversation:
Him: "babe im taking you to the gym with me.. probably starting next week"
Me: "what.. why?"
Him: "because I want you to come with me.. and plus there's girls in the gym. If they come up to me, then you'll be there and I will just come to you. This happened to me before"
Me: "What am i going to do if im there if a girl comes up to you?"
Him: "See if you're there, no girls would come up to me. I would be with you. Everyone would know your my girlfriend. Or ill just kiss you infront of everyone"
Me: "hmm yeah ok"
Him: "You have to come with me next week. At least once a week please"
Me: "why do you want me to go so badly?"
Him: "because I want you to be more active. And I want to share with you my hobby. I want you to become part of it as well. Gym is my hobby. I just need you. I just want to spend more time with you. And plus its for yourself as well. You would feel so much better about yourself. Like, have seen yourself in the mirror? What do you see? What do you like to improve? I know you think you're body is not perfect. Do you want to improve your ass, your front, shape your arms?"
Me: "Idk maybe all of it"
Him: "Then come gym. After coming few times, you would look in the mirror and think that youve gone hot"
What does all of this mean? I was going to ask if he doesn't like my body but then I would cry if he said he doesn't.
Did his responses mean he doesn't like my body? And he doesn't find me attractive?
Then why would he want me to go gym with him when he knows mostly everyone at the gym? And if he doesn't like my body, why is he with me still?
And when he tells me about the girls in the gym and the spending more time together are they all excuses for me to go gym?
Im so friken annoyed and upset 😔

He doesn't like your body

He does like your body

[FýrdracaDócincel]

From this question alone, it's hard to say if he actually sees a problem with your body.

BUT..
It looks to me that your body wouldn't be the primary reason for him wanting you with him at the gym anyhow. When I look at your conversation, I'm seeing a guy who just wants to have more in common with his girl. I get the sense that you two don't have a whole lot of common ground at this point in time, but he wants to create some because he's into you and he wants to make it work.

I mean I'll be perfectly honest, my heart just about broke reading what he said. It's obvious that for whatever reason, he feels that you two are somewhat detached from each other and it's getting to him. I've been in a number of relationships with girls I really were into that stopped feeling like relationships after a certain point. Let me tell you right now that doesn't feel good, and the way he's talking here brings back a lot from my own experiences.

As I think about this more, it would also explain why he brought up your body and the other girls at the gym. I'm willing to bet he's a little scared to be forward about his feelings. The reason why is obvious, frankly. If your behavior in this conversation is anything to go by, I can understand him being worried about the possibility of you reacting coldly to him letting it out to you. In that case, it makes perfect sense in my mind as to why he would try to find alternative incentive to get you to join him. Could he have found a better way get across what needs to be gotten across? Sure. But it's blatantly clear to me that there's something deeper with him that needs to be addressed before anything relating to your body is put on the table. I know that sounds harsh but, if I'm right, this isn't something that you can just let sit and fester until it pops.

Let me know if that triggered some light-bulb moments for you. Also be sure to correct me if I was wrong on anything. I want to help you guys as best I can after reading this.

[Asker]

what do u mean "theres something deeper in him that needs to be addressed..."? what do u think that is? and how is he scared to come forward about his feelings? when he brought up about my body and the other girls in the gym? do u think it may mean he's scared to say that im fat and he doesn't like my body? and the other girls is just a motivation for me to go gym?

[FýrdracaDócincel]

I am positive that your body is like 5% of the problem at the ABSOLUTE most. I'm trying to get you to switch gears here. Put everything about your body on the back-burner because it's keeping you from seeing the bigger picture.

Yes he's trying to motivate you to go to the gym, but it has VERY LITTLE (if not, NOTHING) to do with your body, and EVERYTHING to do with the fact that HE NEEDS HIS GIRLFRIEND.

So I strongly encourage that you put your insecurity aside and show him that you love him! He doesn't give a fuck about your body, he wants to spend more time with his girl who's too busy jumping to conclusions about stupid shit to realize that he misses her in his life!

[EpicDweeb]

He loves you. He knows you don't love your body. He want to spend more time with you and to share something that he loves with you. By working out with him, you can do a lot to shape your body into what you WANT it to be. He wants you to be happy, and he wants to be loyal. He was completely honest about girls going up to him at the gym and he wants to make it clear that he's taken x3 (in my humble opinion... he's awesome for that reason alone). You have nothing to worry about. He loves you for who you are. He just wants you to be happy. He knows that you're not content with how your body is, so he wants to help you get to that point. I can sense only good intentions from him. You've found yourself a keeper ;P

[Asker]

if he thinks im fat and doesn't like my body, why would he want to show me off to people in the gym? esp those fit girls in the gym

[EpicDweeb]

He thinks you're beautiful. I don't know if he thinks you're fat or not, though I sincerely doubt it. Even if he thought you were fat, that would just imply that he loves you for you, and doesn't want you for your status or something like that :)

[MermaidMotel]

I think it's a combination of many things.

I honestly think he does want to share his hobby with you. It's kind of like how someone who enjoys reading, gaming, hiking, or travelling.. they would REALLY like it if their partner enjoyed those things as well. They would constantly try to get their partner on the same page as them. However, it doesn't change the fact that it's HIGHLY annoying.

Also, I don't think it's that he doesn't like your body. If he didn't like your body.. he wouldn't be dating you in the first place. He's just imagining what would it look like if you went to the gym regularly. If you were as dedicated to you bodily image as he seems to be.. If you were as motivated to get abs and out on some lean muscle. He thinks that if you persuades you to go gym at least once a week, that you'll end up loving and want to go more.

News flash for him: Going to the gym once a week and for a "few" times doesn't get results. You have to be decidated and stick to an excercise regimen to get results. I'm talking vigorous excerscie at least 4-5 times a week. Think about it: He didn't get his results by only going to the gym once a week and only going "a few times" did he?

Trust your instincts.. if you smell something fishy.. something is fishy. It's very annoying when your partner tries to pressure you to do things. He knew from the beginning what type of person you were and now he wants to change you? Ultimately, it's your decision..

[guy42069]

Beginners can actually get some small results after like 2 weeks if you start at a certain place, but it all depends. I agree with you on the rest though

[montey]

I'm going to be honest:

HE CARES- Be grateful he takes you to the gym. He is caring about your health. A man who doesn't take his girl to the gym, or help her get healthy, is actually not a good partner at all. That is someone who could care less if you become fat, or diabetic and that is NOT A GOOD PARTNER!

Most women want a man to tell them "what they want to hear", but that does no good. Now, if you are happy with your body TELL HIM.
However, you should still do some cardio and watch what you eat MOST of the time. Trust me, you will feel and look good when you're older and will love your man for CARING about your health and well being.

[AlwaysBelieving]

This deserves MHO

[montey]

@AlwaysBelieving

what is MHO

[AlwaysBelieving]

Most Helpful Opinion.

[montey]

@AlwaysBelieving

LOL thanks dude. I'm great at giving advice
people tell me I need to own a business doing that lolol

[Ozanne]

You said that he told you: "... I know you think you're body is not perfect..." which tells me that you've been complaining about yourself all on your own, and guys being problem-solvers, thought this would be a solution on so many levels. Unless you have been happy with yourself and not said a word about wanting to look different, he wouldn't have said that.

The question now is, do you want to go or not. If you do, it might be a good experience for you both together. If not, let him know you have no interest, but also don't send signals that you're unhappy with your body either.

[POTAYTOPOTAHTO]

If he hated your body he wouldn't want to kiss you in front of everyone.
Sounds like he cares about you so he cares about your health. My boyfriend has brought that up with me too. I didn't take it well at first because I was insecure but now I understand it just means he loves me a lot and wants me to be healthy so we can live longer lives together.
Also, if fitness is a hobby for him, of course he wants you to do it with him! It's like when I want my boyfriend to watch the Bachelor with me. I love it and I want to share it with him even if he doesn't think he'll like it.

[OlderAndWiser]

Sounds to me like this guy is really into you, he wants you to be with him and share his passion, and he thinks you could be healthier and even more attractive if you worked on it. Do you think your body is already perfect?

[AlwaysBelieving]

I'm beginning to think this is the same gal that asks over and over.

[razelove]

Stop reading so much into it, he's into fitness, all that's going on is that he wants you more in his life.

[GuidanceGuru]

I think I know where he's coming from...
People who are into fitness have a particular mindset about caring for their bodies and value an active and healthy lifestyle. This sounds like it doesn't have to do with him not liking your body. It stems more from him wanting to include you in his desired lifestyle.

About the other girls at the gym...
If he goes to the gym all the time, yes he'll know a lot of the other people there, but not how you're thinking. People at the gym don't really talk to each other much. When they do it's things like "Are you using this machine?" or the classic head nod with a "What's up man?" or "How's it going?" type stuff. There isn't talk bout your relationship status. You'll know all the faces, but not much about the people basically. However, if a guy and girl do hang around each other, talk a lot or use machines together it's safe to assume that they're taken and off limits to the other sex. He might just want to send that message that he's not available or looking around.

[rjroy3]

"because I want you to be more active. And I want to share with you my hobby. I want you to become part of it as well. Gym is my hobby. I just need you. I just want to spend more time with you. And plus its for yourself as well. You would feel so much better about yourself. Like, have seen yourself in the mirror? What do you see? What do you like to improve? I know you think you're body is not perfect. Do you want to improve your ass, your front, shape your arms?"

He's offering to do something good for you and your relationship as a whole and you're taking it personally. Just go to the damn gym lol.

[Volucum]

he does like your body. if he wants you to improve your body so he has even more bragging rights. then you got a proud boyfriend. if he wants to show you off and keep other girls away. that's another thing to go. if you don't like it then hey. you still showed those girls he's yours. no reason to take it personally.

[Asker]

if he thinks im fat and doesn't like my body, why would he want to show me off to people in the gym? esp those fit girls in the gym

[Volucum]

because he loves you for the person you are. and no, people do not call you their girlfriend if they think you aren't pretty. if he calls working out a hobby, he shure got some problems but hey. you probably want him to join you in your hobby. even if it is something he might not like like knitting or cooking.

[Dropical]

sounds like thbe gym is a big part of his life something he enjoys and wants you to be a part of. I used the hate the gym started dating this girl that went all the time, I eventually started to go for her because I felt like I was missing out on something that made her happy, eventually I loved it too, it wasn't fun it ate my soul everyday but I liked what was happening and how I was improving myself not for her but for me. we broke up eventually but it didn't have anything to do with if she liked my body or not.

[tan_n]

that is adorable! he wants to show you off as his girlfriend, show all the other girls he's taken. and he wants to share his hobby with you! this is an amazing thing. I've been asked by 2 guys to be their gym buddy. it is because they want to do what they enjoy with me. you are over thinking this one sweetie

[Spelling95]

From the beginning it sounded like he isn't satisfied with your body and wants you to improve.

You should not be thinking "why is he with me if he doesn't think my body is perfect", you should be asking "why is he willing to work with me if I'm not perfect?"

Why dont you want to improve yourself? Not wanting to is a bit of negative trait, what will you do in the future when you have to eat very little or you'll get fat and things start to sag naturally? Will you let it happen or try to keep sharp? He probably will still be working on himself.

[Asker]

if he doesn't like my body and thinks im fat, why would he want to be with me? and bring me to his gym?

[Spelling95]

Why wouldn't you want to improve? I dont know if he thinks you're fat. But anyone can improve by going to the gym.

[guy42069]

Working out, although its hard, is pretty cool and even though this seems like he may be saying that, I think he just wants to share this good feeling and enjoyable hobby with you. He also wants the other gym girls to know he's taken, so thats another sign that he doesn't not like your body. I think you should go, its something you guys can share. Also, if he's really in to going to the gym, as an SO, I think you should take in interest in his hobby as well, just as a good partnerly thing. I dont think he really meant anything beyond "I want to go to the gym with you it'll be fun and good"

[emogenticon]

I sort of feel this has nothing to do with your physical side of things and more to do with your interest towards his hobbies. He probably feels alone when he sees these girls approaching him in the gym and just wonders what it would be like to have someone he loves share a special moment to him or be involved with something he likes. I think it's important for you to join him every now and then even just in company as well as for you to encourage him in activities or hobbies that you have and inclination to. Taking an interest in each others hobbies every now and then can be fun and is what will make you closer together.

[madhatters4]

he wants you to spend time with him and share in one of his hobbies/passions. plus he thinks you being there will keep girls from approaching him

nothing he said suggested or hinted that he is unhappy with your body or appearance

[Asker]

if he thinks im fat and doesn't like my body, why would he want to show me off to people in the gym? esp those fit girls in the gym

[madhatters4]

i didn't read that he wants to show you off in what you said.

i think you should take what he says for face value instead of trying to read so much into things he didn't say at all

[Asker]

uhh he didn't say he's showing me off... he said "if a girl comes up to me ill just come to you and kiss u infront of everyone".. thats showing off, no?

[madhatters4]

no. it's deflecting a girls attention by showing that he's taken.

[Asker]

why would he do that? guys like attention from girls

[madhatters4]

maybe he doesn't. maybe he doesn't want to be bothered. everyone likes attention from the sex that they are romantically into but not always or in every situation

[cattertone]

he does like your body, but maybe you're letting yourself go a bit and he's just trying to look out for your health. he could have approached it differently but in the end he just wants you to be healthy and to spend more time with you. I'd say he's a keeper

[Changiis07]

He sounds super sweet like he wants you to be involved in what he loves and that's going to the gym. I would go it's so nice to have someone that wants to include you in what they do! As for being more fit we girls tend to complain about things we don't like about our body so he is being positive and telling you, you will feel better my ex use to tell me I should get a gym membership that I would fee better and it's true why let ourselves go

[DaxandCarmen]

He want you to share this phyiscal activity time with him and at the same time he thinks you would look even hotter if you worked out. It dont mean he does not like your body, just he thinks you can improve.

[Condrake]

I try and get my girlfriend to go to the gym all the time. I love being active, I wouldn't mind if she were more fit but its not a dealbreaker that she isn't. The real reason I want her to workout with me is that I love working out and want to share something I love with the girl I love. Plus it's more fun to workout with other people. Just go with him, don't worry about if he want's you to change just try and share something he enjoys with him, he'll appreciate your willingness and studdies show couples who workout together have better chemistry.

[Makeuphoarder]

Get over yourself. He's trying to include you in his workouts and wants you to be m healthier, active and didn't straight out say " you're fat , you need to lose weight!" Going to the gym can only give you positive results. The chicks? Who cares about them. You 2 will be spending time together. If you're against it turn just don't go. I would recommend compromising.

[Anonymous]

It's not his fault he hasn't realized that most women simply can never be happy.

If he continued to go to the gym alone, he'd be accused of either going there to check out the girls, spending too much time there, or not spending time with her etc

He invites her to go to the gym with him... now he's an asshole that hates her body, or doesn't love her.

He should do what I do... walk away and do whatever you want to do, without all of the bs, drama, and insecurities.

[HeatNation1]

MHO right here. one of the few guys i see who has his head on straight

[Anonymous]

There’s no straight answer. If he is pressuring you and trying to heavily persuade you then he probably doesn’t like your body (you should end it in my opinion). Or he could have noticed that you’re physically unfit to a point where it is detrimental to you and is trying to be helpful, but it’s weird that he wouldn’t just suggest that outright. Or it could be as simple as the fact that he enjoys the gym and would like you to join him because he enjoys your company.

[lightbulb27]

he wants you to look better, not that he doesn't like you.

it means he wants you to workout with him and get fit.

what is your problem... you don't like exercise?

it could be worse...

[kraft413]

just wants you to see what his lifestyles about. if you have conflicting lifestyles how can expect to spend your lives with each other. give him a chance, he just wants to show you the gym life and show you off a little

[Asker]

If he doesn't like my body and thinks im fat, why would he show me off?

[kraft413]

I voted he does like your body. working out is good for your mind too, which is what I got from what he said to you. it gives you confidence which you seem to be lacking