The guy I’m talking to has depression. He disappears sometimes. Sometimes he pushes me away. This is the second time but now he is ignoring me. Which he has told me he does to his own mom when he gets depressed. It’s hard to take it personally. I got mad about him pushing me away and he started ignoring me. Do they ever come back after this funk?
Do depressed partners ever come back after a depressed episode?
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I can only tell you about my experience S someone who has lived with depression and has put loved ones through the same thing myself.
Sometimes the depression comes out of nowhere, sometimes it's triggered by something. It can take you to some dark places where your thinking becomes almost childish in the sense that some part of your brain goes out of the way in some cases to make you see everything in the worst way possible.
For me personally, my biggest hurt in life is I never felt loved in a genuine way. So when I've had episodes where I didn't want to talk to anyone, the only thing that felt right was having someone just be near me who seemed like they understood I don't want to talk.
It's hard to explain but my biggest fear is that when I don't want to talk or when I push people away, they'll take it personally (because what person without depression wouldn't) and I know it's draining to deal with. So I don't want to lose anyone I care about.
Also sometimes it gets so bad, I just don't want anyone to see me so bad. I try to hide it.
If I were in your position, I would try to ask questions without making the person feel judged in any way. And to be very careful of signs that the conversation is unwanted. If it is, try just being with them. Lay next to eachother in bed, turn down the lights, play introspective music in the background, create a relaxing environment.
Also if you're dating a depressed person, get ready to see them cry. If sweating gets you past a cold faster, crying gets you through a depression episode faster. Just whatever you do, don't try to accelerate the process.
The only cure to depression is trying new perspectives, and a lot of very difficult introspective thought in my opinion.
I'll pray for both of you
I would not try to date someone like that. Just being honest. You can be depressed but still have manners and good communication skills. He's just a shitty person. He's choosing to act selfishly.
That's not true. People with depression do this because they don't want others to see them depressed.
@PinkRose24 But if you're in a relationship, you need to put your commitment to the other person above your own feelings. At least I do.
Lmao depression is beyond being sad or having a bad day. It's hard to deal with it especially if it's major depression. The guy needs Jesus. It's a problem with the soul. It has to do with your emotions. Yes medication would help but it doesn't solve the problem. Also the girl is not depressed. She should put her boyfriend's well being before hers and try to understand why he's acting that way instead of accusing him of being rude. I can't believe the girl got mad at him. He already feels like shit, he doesn't want to hear you whining. Major depression is serious. Even watching a sad advertisement can make his day worse. I think the guy real needs Jesus and needs to learn how to deal with his emotions and anything he's going through.
@PinkRose24 I'm sorry, but I still disagree. Think about this logically; okay? Would you let all of your relationships go to waste just because you're depressed? I would certainly hope not. You don't have to actually see people, if you need alone time. But you can still communicate and tell them that you need that alone time.
I'm depressed right now, but I don't abandon my friends. In fact, I am making a concerted effort to proactively maintain those relationships, because I realize how much those people mean to me and they are a buoy in my life keeping me above water (even though they do not know that. Because I never ask much from them at all.)
I never said let your relationship go to waste. He told her "he has told me he does to his own mom when he gets depressed". He let her know why he did that. I never said he should stay like that forever. It seems like she's not helping instead she's making it about herself. "It’s hard to take it personally. I got mad about him pushing me away and he started ignoring me." Obviously if you're going to be arguing with a depressed person, the most logical thing they would do is ignore you". I think the guy should surround himself with people he trusts, seek mental help, and look for God. He obviously doesn't want her there because she does cause him more stress. He didn't abandon her. He let her know why he did that and she made it about herself. I never said to ignore your friends. All I'm saying is people with major depression do this for particular reasons. Major depression is different. Some people literally feel dead instead to the point where they can't even do or feel anything. That's why I'm saying he should surround himself with people he trusts and not people who bring him more stress and anxiety. Not all girlfriend's are perfect and sweet. Sorry to burst your bubble but some just like to argue and take things personally... same with friends.
*inside not instead
"He let her know why he did that." True. But I still see that as an excuse.
"Obviously if you're going to be arguing with a depressed person, the most logical thing they would do is ignore you."
Ok; fair point.
"Not all girlfriend's are perfect and sweet. Sorry to burst your bubble but some just like to argue and take things personally... same with friends."
Okay- this is another fair point.
Depends what the cause of his depression is and whether he's getting help. He may struggle with it his whole life.