Is ''a man falls in love through his stomach'' nowadays an outdated concept?

[Anonymous]

I've followed my mom's advice (even used her phrases she used to say to my dad when she was his girlfriend long ago) and it failed on two relationships already. She claimed it worked on my father. I used to bring them homemade meals sometimes and overdo it with the cooking and being too sweet, plus more loving words... basically I was lovebombing them too.

I don't think they gave a damn. It still led to a break-up after they got too comfortable in the relationship. So, nowadays not even cooking makes them fall in love anymore?

Updates

1 y

I tried doing my mom's style. Supposedly it worked my father. Growing up, I've heard the phrase ''a man falls in love through his stomach'' many times.

I did that, satisfied with food and lol... it didn't lead to neither of them wanting to commit... lol.

Updates

1 y

I have a feeling my 2nd boyfriend (now ex boyfriend) kind of figured it out too because he once thought I was being too sweet, as if overdoing it or something.

[WonderBell99]

Cooking is a bonus, just like him taking you out on expensive dinners or him cooking homemade meals for you. It is a nice gesture to show that you care about that person and appreciate them, but that alone cannot make anyone fall in love with you. Lovebombing is usually done with malicious intent. Were your intentions malicious, ie, did you want to manipulate them? If your intentions were genuine, and you really did enjoy doing these things for them, I do not think I would consider it as "love bombing".

Why do you feel like they "did not give a damn?" Do you feel like they were unappreciative of your affectionate gestures? Breakups are a natural part of dating life. Once you get to know a person well, you may not like certain aspects of that person and that's OK because not everyone will be compatible with you.

Take a step back and analyze your behavior when you were in those relationships. Did you constantly shower them with compliments, meals, gifts, loving words etc? Sometimes, our actions can overwhelm our partners. They might have felt uncomfortable by your gestures because your gestures were a bit too much for them to handle. It is okay to be affectionate and loving with your partner. Pick up your own love language. Did you like cooking for them? Or was it because your mother told you that it worked on your father?

Focus more on being in that moment with your partner and in your next relationship, make them stuff because you want to. Not because you think that could make them fall in love with you.

[Asker]

Sometimes I enjoyed doing all these gestures but other times I was following through what my mother adviced me.
Since she successfully got my father to propose in less than a year (my dad himself said he proposed to her on the 9th month of their relationship and got married the following year), I really thought her method would lead to that. It failed big time. My 2nd ex boyfriend thought I was overdoing it and that I was acting weird with the gestures.

[WonderBell99]

Maybe try toning it down a bit? I feel like you are focusing more on your partner proposing to you than making a connection with them. Connection comes before love. A proposal follows a successful relationship. Maybe your mother's love language was cooking meals for your father. Only her cooking for him did not make him fall in love with her. That is some old wives' tale. Do men who eat at restaurants often fall in love with their female chefs?

Channel your energy into getting to know that person and spending time with them, not because you want a proposal. By showering him with sweet nothings or home cooked meals *constantly* you're more likely to scare him off than get him to propose to you. Focus less on the proposal part and more on the person. You cannot "make" someone to get on one knee.

[Asker]

I'm going to develop my own style, which will be of just letting things follow the natural flaw and don't give too much if I'm getting little to nothing in return.

[Onlyonceatime]

@wonderbell99 wow, you are really smart.

[WonderBell99]

@Onlyonceatime Thank you.

[MzAsh]

It sounds like you were simping and the guys weren’t properly earning such benefits of being with you, so they lost respect for you and took you for granted. Men don’t respect a woman they don’t have to work hard to qualify for. Next time, make sure they spend a good deal of time hard earning your cooking.

[Asker]

yeah I guess. The dating world is too complicated than it ever was.

[tiajoka]

If that’s the case, then these were shallow men who just wanted to play mind games. You can do better.

[dynamicyandere]

It’s not a replacement for strong chemistry, deep connection, and great communication.


I’ve been with an ex that was a great cook.


But, we didn’t communicate in a healthy way, we didn’t connect very deeply, and we just weren’t very compatible.


Relationship issues were left unresolved and the relationship was dysfunctional.


(This is just an extreme example as maybe your relationships weren’t as dysfunctional.)


What I mean to say is, cooking food is great, but other things need to be in place too, otherwise it won’t feel worth it.


Cooking food can be a start, or maybe even something you fall back on as a main way you express your love. But other things need to be in place to keep a man interested.


Also, you don’t need to be so hard on yourself. Another thing to think about is whether or not these guys you’ve been dating are ready to commit to ANYONE. Is that even something they’re looking for? If they’re just not ready to commit to anyone at this time, there’s nothing that you can do.


If they ARE looking to marry someone, they likely have their own specific criteria for what they want in a wife. And, if you don’t fit that criteria, it just means you aren’t a great fit for them, but maybe you’re a great fit for someone else.

[Asker]

yeah neither of those two relationships were going anywhere. The first kept postponing things, which I noticed fast and it wasn't a good sign. The 2nd ex boyfriend thought I was overdoing it with the gestures (my affections and words) and cooking, that I was acting weird.

[dynamicyandere]

Yeah, constantly postponing things isn’t a good sign. If he’s eager to get to know you more and looking forward to starting a life together, it should show. If something is postponed, it either should be some obstacle (that he’s actively working on a solution for) or he still wants to get to know you better (and he’s actively working on that too).

Overdoing it? He should have been more appreciative. For me, even if something isn’t quite my cup of tea, it’s the thought that counts. I always appreciate it when someone goes out of their way to do something for me, to genuinely want to make my day better.

I hope you find someone that’s a good fit for you, who wants a committed relationship too, and who appreciates all you do.

[oddwaffle]

There are three things a guy needs. Sex, good food, a clean home and space. You can get him all three the guy tend to stay unless he is a jobless hobo.

Sex is the most important. As soon as your sex life dies the relationship dies. You will be no different than housemates. Have sex with him. At least twice a week. Anything less than 4-5 times a month and your relationship is in trouble.

Good food is sort of a reminder. You don't have to excel on it but remember to keep the food edible and tasty. As long as your relationship is still alive, your food will always remind him of you.

A clean home is more of a welcoming comfort. Maybe you can share the work with him, maybe you can put on the decorations, or just buy a bot to clean. It doesn't matter. What matters is making sure he can return to a place is he comfortable with and can relax. Most men cheats because they don't want to return to their ruined home.

Finally, space is critical in keeping you man sane. Men needs their own space. Their man cave. Their solitude moments. Leave him alone with his toys. Don't invade his space.

[tiajoka]

I agree with most of this, but not with why men cheat. Cheaters will always cheat, it doesn’t matter how great their partner is. They’re selfish and it’s only in their nature.

[Summeroflove]

This totally depends on the man. Cooking for someone is such a nice and sweet thing to do for someone.


But if someone looses attraction there isn’t anything you can do. Let them go. You’ll find someone else.

[Guy13]

Combination of looks and your method

[Asker]

I posted an updated. I think my 2nd ex boyfriend saw it from miles, the plan backfired.

[Guy13]

So, your basic premise is good but the Method is actually the Issue. You’re figuring it. You do recognize that “too sweet” is reference “not a challenge” . Moments of sweet and appreciation/respect within the dating process was probably your Mom’s method.

[BeMuse]

Words and gifts is how you brainwash women easily. That doesn't go very far with men. We don't give a shit about that. Men most often care about genuine actions, quality time, and physical affection. You have to be real with men, we don't want you to blow smoke up our ass. When you do, you just look manipulative and fake. You actually have to care about men and step up when we need it without us asking. Cooking meals is one way to take action, but generally it's in the context of we just did some hard work or had a long day, we are tired, and you notice and cook us a tasty meal to help us recharge and feel comfortable so that we don't have to find it ourself when we're exhausted. It's about being nurturing and genuinely sensing our mood/emotions, not just fattening us up for the kill with cupcakes like we're a pig. When the guy is down providing food, protection, comfort, or support shows you care about him. We push ourselves hard and it's good to know someone has our back and is reliable when we are weary. So in that context cooking a meal can a sign of affection. If we're sick, go to the store and get us some juice. Cook us some hot soup or something like that. We don't care about shinny sugar coated cookies at random times. We don't get mesmerized by shinny things.

[BeMuse]

*can be a sign

[BeMuse]

Hard isn't it... You actually have to be a real human. You can't just bribe your way to commitment.

[DoctorSex]

I think people have lost the actual meaning behind this statement.

Let's put it into context. To order a pizza online takes 1 minute, for it to arrive takes 50minutes. The food (If you can even call it that) is lacking in nutrients. The lack of nutrients decreases my performance during working hours and maybe even over the next few days. The lack of adequate nutritional intake over the years will result in serious deficiencies that manifest in serious health issues which requires added cost, effort and time to resolve.

I on the other hand cook all my meals from scratch. This takes me roughly 7hours to food prep for a week's supply, from start to finish. This does not include my every other day smoothie prep (because I like my fruits and veg fresh), Which takes 1 hour every other day. That's roughly 10- 11 hours of my week just cooking.

That's 572hours in a year or roughly 24 days. That's a lot of time I could be productive and making money instead. Not factoring in possible missed opportunities.

So that weight off my shoulders is an asset. A woman who can take care of that duty is an asset.

Kind regards,

DoctorSex

[MrOracle]

I can answer in more detail later but you won't WIN a man with food, but it certainly helps to KEEP a man if the relationship was built on solid ground in the first place.

First, the man must be showing that he is worthy of your care. Does he work hard for you, does he look out for your safety and protection, does he lead well, and does he pay a reasonable amount of attention to your wants and needs? If yes, and if you have long-term compatibility, then you should be taking care of him at home as well as you can, and food is a big part of that.

Food will NOT replace a weak foundation or fix compatibility problems, though. That's like putting a Bandaid on a bullet wound. A relationship has to be built in a certain order, with attention given to the most critical parts. You can't decorate a house that lacks a roof or floors or plumbing - decorating is only relevant when the structure is sound and the construction is complete.

[xJeremyx]

A man falls in love when he sees effort from a woman. It could be by cooking for him, buying him something he needs (like a bottle of shampoo, if he is running out of it), making a nice card, or planning a date.

Doesn't have to be all 'bout food, y'know.

Sure, sometimes it fails and the effort goes to waste. But keep it up, and you might find a man who actually appreciates you.

All the best!

[xJeremyx]

And also, before you even decide to put in effort, be observant about the kind of person he is. You can tell a lot about someone from the differences in the way he acts towards different (groups of) people.

[LazerBean]

The phrase was always just a joke, I don't think anyone actually meant it seriously. At least not anyone with any amount of depth to their thinking. But certainly in today's dating climate, doing wife duties for a mere boyfriend doesn't get you anywhere.

[Asker]

yeah, screw what I was taught by my mom. I'm now going my own style of just letting things naturally flaw and don't give them nothing if I'm getting little to nothing in return.
My 2nd ex boyfriend didn't even seem too impressed. At some point he really thought I was overdoing it and being too sweet and that I was acting weird with constantly pleasing with him food and the loving words (when I was lovebombing him).

[Stevefiveo]

I guess those guys didn't appreciate it at the moment. But I'm sure they will someday when they are with a wife that can't cook. I tell my wife all the time that I married her for her cooking and her BJs.

[Asker]

I wish more men were like you with such easy requirements. You don't ask for much, wow. It's like the dating world has changed so much and now it's getting complicated.

[Stevefiveo]

Yeah, I guess I don't ask for much. I'm sure there are guys out there that will still appreciate an old fashioned girl. I think nowadays they are so rare, guys don't know how to handle them. I knew there was a learning curve for me being raised by a feminist mother to being like wow. So this is what good food tastes like? And wow it feels amazing to be taken care of. And will try and return what I can do as a man.

[HighValue]

It only works on guys that are the exclusive LTR type based on their morals already. You'll never change a user or cheater no matter what you do. And it takes more than cooking to make someone want to be with you. You need to be compatible morally and have compatible long term life goals for it to work.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

LOL... That was always a BS phrase.

It's the same BS phrase a girl falls in love through diamonds. 🙄

When a man loves a woman he just loves that woman, her essence, her personality, her beauty and the sexual intimacy and bond they share physically and mentally.

Weather you cook the food, he cooks the food or a 5 star chef cooks his food daily will have nothing to do if he loves you or not.

[Anonymous]

Empty balls and a full belly sounds good to me.

I guess its like anything though, its only going to get you so far, its not like you can magically turn any man into your perfect life partner just by fucking and feeding him.

How would that work?

[Asker]

Somehow my mom did something to get her then 23 year-old boyfriend (my dad) to changed the relationship status and asked her the question. Rumors has it (and it's been confirmed) that he went crazy madly in love with her. How she got a man in his 20's to give up all his freedom and years for her? That's a mystery.
So much for following her advice and trying to copy her, it didn't work.

[Anonymous]

Times have changed. People would rather eat toxic packaged crap than what their girl prepared, it wasn't the case when your mom was young.

Though it may be annoying if you prepare food that takes way too much of your own time and energy, I think making your own food efficiently is a must.

[Asker]

It sure didn't work at all, esp not on my 2nd ex boyfriend. I posted an update. He thought I was being sweet, as if overdoing it or something. He thought I was acting weird with the lovebombing and constantly feeding him, lol.-

[Asker]

He smelled it from miles away, dammit.

[Opinion Owner]

I don't get it. He was already your boyfriend, you aren't running after strangers with food.

And possibly you're making it weird too. I don't know all the details about you.

Preparing food for a guy is a very good thing.

[Opinion Owner]

If you enjoy making food, keep making it. Many don't and can't.
Not everyone you fall for will be a perfect match whether you cook or not.

[Jamie05rhs]

Yes; it's outdated. There are much more important things than food.

Also, since people are getting married much later these days, most young men have learned to cook for themselves and have become quite comfortable with it (and quite good at it, too!) So, a woman bringing food to the table... really isn't bringing anything to the table. (Pardon the pun.)

[Asker]

yeah all the cooking and dedication for nothing and your sentence is true too.
I don't think my 2nd ex boyfriend was too impressed either. He knew how to cook himself too and found that my gestures were exaggerated, that I was overdoing it with the food and that I was acting weird. It's like he detected me from miles away that I was doing it to catch him (like my mom caught my dad back then and they're still married after 28 years). I guess times were different back then.

[Jamie05rhs]

Yep. 👍 True facts.

[Jamie05rhs]

It's weird, though. Because women are still impressed by guys with money ("breadwinners"). But not the other way around (women being homemakers.)

[Jakey29]

I guess those guys were too immature to realize what a gem you were to them. Mark my words, they won't forget you. And you're doing just fine, its their problem they couldnt recognize your worth, not your problem. As I said, you're doing great.

[Asker]

Thanks. Yeah they don't realize what they lost. Oh well. I'm taking a short break from dating at this moment. I'm exhausted now.

[Jakey29]

I hope your man comes along eventually. Best wishes 👍

[Anonymous]

Not exactly. A guy looks at all you bring to the relationship and a future marriage with kids.

[Pyrofox]

Cooking is a plus its not a trait that automatically makes you a keeper.

[Asker]

yeah esp if the man also knows how to cook himself (my 2nd ex boyfriend was also good in cooking) and he sees the gestures too exaggerated. He thought I was overdoing it and felt I was acting weird. Wow... times were different in my mom's time.
Now it's like if we please him with food too much, he'll likely figure out we're trying to win him over and catch him.

[Anonymous]

I always heard it said as “the fastest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.”
It sounded like bullshit to me from the very beginning. Clearly the fastest way to a man’s heart is through his chest.

[Anonymous]

Now a days cooking skills are irrelevant. I can cook way better than an celebrity chef. A women who can cook better than me will be incredibly rare.

I cooked for girls before they always liked the food but not cared for relationships. They consider it boring and see guys like that as a settling material later in life but wanna date bad boys who will never cook when they are younger.

[slatyb]

That's pretty silly. Men fall in love with their mind.

[Asker]

So much for following my mom's advice and using her exact words on a man. I guess whatever worked for her (she got my dad when both were young in their early 20's, younger than me) it's long gone by now.

[DS_Madking]

yes and no if he already likes you as a person food can be the way to his heart because good food=high wife potenzial but it doesent guarantee anything