Is ''a man falls in love through his stomach'' nowadays an outdated concept?

Question

I've followed my mom's advice (even used her phrases she used to say to my dad when she was his girlfriend long ago) and it failed on two relationships already. She claimed it worked on my father. I used to bring them homemade meals sometimes and overdo it with the cooking and being too sweet, plus more loving words... basically I was lovebombing them too.

I don't think they gave a damn. It still led to a break-up after they got too comfortable in the relationship. So, nowadays not even cooking makes them fall in love anymore?

WonderBell99 · Accepted Answer

Cooking is a bonus, just like him taking you out on expensive dinners or him cooking homemade meals for you. It is a nice gesture to show that you care about that person and appreciate them, but that alone cannot make anyone fall in love with you. Lovebombing is usually done with malicious intent. Were your intentions malicious, ie, did you want to manipulate them? If your intentions were genuine, and you really did enjoy doing these things for them, I do not think I would consider it as "love bombing".

Why do you feel like they "did not give a damn?" Do you feel like they were unappreciative of your affectionate gestures? Breakups are a natural part of dating life. Once you get to know a person well, you may not like certain aspects of that person and that's OK because not everyone will be compatible with you.

Take a step back and analyze your behavior when you were in those relationships. Did you constantly shower them with compliments, meals, gifts, loving words etc? Sometimes, our actions can overwhelm our partners. They might have felt uncomfortable by your gestures because your gestures were a bit too much for them to handle. It is okay to be affectionate and loving with your partner. Pick up your own love language. Did you like cooking for them? Or was it because your mother told you that it worked on your father?

Focus more on being in that moment with your partner and in your next relationship, make them stuff because you want to. Not because you think that could make them fall in love with you.

MzAsh · Accepted Answer

It sounds like you were simping and the guys weren’t properly earning such benefits of being with you, so they lost respect for you and took you for granted. Men don’t respect a woman they don’t have to work hard to qualify for. Next time, make sure they spend a good deal of time hard earning your cooking.

dynamicyandere · Accepted Answer

It’s not a replacement for strong chemistry, deep connection, and great communication.

I’ve been with an ex that was a great cook.

But, we didn’t communicate in a healthy way, we didn’t connect very deeply, and we just weren’t very compatible.

Relationship issues were left unresolved and the relationship was dysfunctional.

(This is just an extreme example as maybe your relationships weren’t as dysfunctional.)

What I mean to say is, cooking food is great, but other things need to be in place too, otherwise it won’t feel worth it.

Cooking food can be a start, or maybe even something you fall back on as a main way you express your love. But other things need to be in place to keep a man interested.

Also, you don’t need to be so hard on yourself. Another thing to think about is whether or not these guys you’ve been dating are ready to commit to ANYONE. Is that even something they’re looking for? If they’re just not ready to commit to anyone at this time, there’s nothing that you can do.

If they ARE looking to marry someone, they likely have their own specific criteria for what they want in a wife. And, if you don’t fit that criteria, it just means you aren’t a great fit for them, but maybe you’re a great fit for someone else.

oddwaffle · Accepted Answer

There are three things a guy needs. Sex, good food, a clean home and space. You can get him all three the guy tend to stay unless he is a jobless hobo.

Sex is the most important. As soon as your sex life dies the relationship dies. You will be no different than housemates. Have sex with him. At least twice a week. Anything less than 4-5 times a month and your relationship is in trouble.

Good food is sort of a reminder. You don't have to excel on it but remember to keep the food edible and tasty. As long as your relationship is still alive, your food will always remind him of you.

A clean home is more of a welcoming comfort. Maybe you can share the work with him, maybe you can put on the decorations, or just buy a bot to clean. It doesn't matter. What matters is making sure he can return to a place is he comfortable with and can relax. Most men cheats because they don't want to return to their ruined home.

Finally, space is critical in keeping you man sane. Men needs their own space. Their man cave. Their solitude moments. Leave him alone with his toys. Don't invade his space.

Summeroflove · Answer

This totally depends on the man. Cooking for someone is such a nice and sweet thing to do for someone.

But if someone looses attraction there isn’t anything you can do. Let them go. You’ll find someone else.

Guy13 · Answer

Combination of looks and your method

BeMuse · Answer

Words and gifts is how you brainwash women easily. That doesn't go very far with men. We don't give a shit about that. Men most often care about genuine actions, quality time, and physical affection. You have to be real with men, we don't want you to blow smoke up our ass. When you do, you just look manipulative and fake. You actually have to care about men and step up when we need it without us asking. Cooking meals is one way to take action, but generally it's in the context of we just did some hard work or had a long day, we are tired, and you notice and cook us a tasty meal to help us recharge and feel comfortable so that we don't have to find it ourself when we're exhausted. It's about being nurturing and genuinely sensing our mood/emotions, not just fattening us up for the kill with cupcakes like we're a pig. When the guy is down providing food, protection, comfort, or support shows you care about him. We push ourselves hard and it's good to know someone has our back and is reliable when we are weary. So in that context cooking a meal can a sign of affection. If we're sick, go to the store and get us some juice. Cook us some hot soup or something like that. We don't care about shinny sugar coated cookies at random times. We don't get mesmerized by shinny things.

DoctorSex · Answer

I think people have lost the actual meaning behind this statement.

Let's put it into context. To order a pizza online takes 1 minute, for it to arrive takes 50minutes. The food (If you can even call it that) is lacking in nutrients. The lack of nutrients decreases my performance during working hours and maybe even over the next few days. The lack of adequate nutritional intake over the years will result in serious deficiencies that manifest in serious health issues which requires added cost, effort and time to resolve.

I on the other hand cook all my meals from scratch. This takes me roughly 7hours to food prep for a week's supply, from start to finish. This does not include my every other day smoothie prep (because I like my fruits and veg fresh), Which takes 1 hour every other day. That's roughly 10- 11 hours of my week just cooking.

That's 572hours in a year or roughly 24 days. That's a lot of time I could be productive and making money instead. Not factoring in possible missed opportunities.

So that weight off my shoulders is an asset. A woman who can take care of that duty is an asset.

Kind regards,

DoctorSex

MrOracle · Answer

I can answer in more detail later but you won't WIN a man with food, but it certainly helps to KEEP a man if the relationship was built on solid ground in the first place.

First, the man must be showing that he is worthy of your care. Does he work hard for you, does he look out for your safety and protection, does he lead well, and does he pay a reasonable amount of attention to your wants and needs? If yes, and if you have long-term compatibility, then you should be taking care of him at home as well as you can, and food is a big part of that.

Food will NOT replace a weak foundation or fix compatibility problems, though. That's like putting a Bandaid on a bullet wound. A relationship has to be built in a certain order, with attention given to the most critical parts. You can't decorate a house that lacks a roof or floors or plumbing - decorating is only relevant when the structure is sound and the construction is complete.

xJeremyx · Answer

A man falls in love when he sees effort from a woman. It could be by cooking for him, buying him something he needs (like a bottle of shampoo, if he is running out of it), making a nice card, or planning a date.

Doesn't have to be all 'bout food, y'know.

Sure, sometimes it fails and the effort goes to waste. But keep it up, and you might find a man who actually appreciates you.

All the best!

LazerBean · Answer

The phrase was always just a joke, I don't think anyone actually meant it seriously. At least not anyone with any amount of depth to their thinking. But certainly in today's dating climate, doing wife duties for a mere boyfriend doesn't get you anywhere.

Stevefiveo · Answer

I guess those guys didn't appreciate it at the moment. But I'm sure they will someday when they are with a wife that can't cook. I tell my wife all the time that I married her for her cooking and her BJs.

HighValue · Answer

It only works on guys that are the exclusive LTR type based on their morals already. You'll never change a user or cheater no matter what you do. And it takes more than cooking to make someone want to be with you. You need to be compatible morally and have compatible long term life goals for it to work.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

LOL... That was always a BS phrase.

It's the same BS phrase a girl falls in love through diamonds. 🙄

When a man loves a woman he just loves that woman, her essence, her personality, her beauty and the sexual intimacy and bond they share physically and mentally.

Weather you cook the food, he cooks the food or a 5 star chef cooks his food daily will have nothing to do if he loves you or not.

Anonymous · Answer

Empty balls and a full belly sounds good to me.

I guess its like anything though, its only going to get you so far, its not like you can magically turn any man into your perfect life partner just by fucking and feeding him.

How would that work?

Anonymous · Answer

Times have changed. People would rather eat toxic packaged crap than what their girl prepared, it wasn't the case when your mom was young.

Though it may be annoying if you prepare food that takes way too much of your own time and energy, I think making your own food efficiently is a must.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Yes; it's outdated. There are much more important things than food.

Also, since people are getting married much later these days, most young men have learned to cook for themselves and have become quite comfortable with it (and quite good at it, too!) So, a woman bringing food to the table... really isn't bringing anything to the table. (Pardon the pun.)

Jakey29 · Answer

I guess those guys were too immature to realize what a gem you were to them. Mark my words, they won't forget you. And you're doing just fine, its their problem they couldnt recognize your worth, not your problem. As I said, you're doing great.

Anonymous · Answer

Not exactly. A guy looks at all you bring to the relationship and a future marriage with kids.

Pyrofox · Answer

Cooking is a plus its not a trait that automatically makes you a keeper.

Anonymous · Answer

I always heard it said as “the fastest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.”
It sounded like bullshit to me from the very beginning. Clearly the fastest way to a man’s heart is through his chest.

Anonymous · Answer

Now a days cooking skills are irrelevant. I can cook way better than an celebrity chef. A women who can cook better than me will be incredibly rare.

I cooked for girls before they always liked the food but not cared for relationships. They consider it boring and see guys like that as a settling material later in life but wanna date bad boys who will never cook when they are younger.

slatyb · Answer

That's pretty silly. Men fall in love with their mind.

DS_Madking · Answer

yes and no if he already likes you as a person food can be the way to his heart because good food=high wife potenzial but it doesent guarantee anything

ArtemisSilver · Answer

It works on older guys and guys who are serious about marriage. Sounds like you've been dating fuckboys.

Nomina · Answer

Not in my country, lol. It's still very much a thing from what I've seen.

7offman · Answer

I think it’s sweet and kind to do such a thing , however , people have different opinions and personalities on pretty much everything so don’t expect one particular thing to work on everyone.

Subarugirl · Answer

Thats a roundabout way of just saying that women belong in the kitchen

Nerdvana · Answer

Most guys have always fell in love with the penis. Most likely including your Dad

worldscolide · Answer

Not sure about all men, But definitely not with me. I cook better than most women anyway..

Anonymous · Answer

If you think that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, you're aiming about 8 inches too high.

Anonymous · Answer

It's been outdated since the microwave was invented.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Cooking is one aspect. You must also be a good match in other ways.

Anonymous · Answer

Home made meals won't impress me nearly as much as massages and being cared for will. Also the stomach is aimed too high. Lower the aim.

jimmy2 · Answer

Wow that usually works well here the next one. Since dad was not in the home you need to teach them how a man is to love

Anonymous · Answer

There isn't a way to a mans heart. Tbh. The chances of you winning over a mans heart is very slim in todays world

Tracker1958 · Answer

90 percent of women can't boil water. Those days are over and so is marriage. Young single men are getting vasectomy at a 400 percent higher rate than just 2 years ago. 400 percent higher means no more motherhood.

lazermazer · Answer

Nope, still relevant

Anonymous · Answer

Maybe you need to work on your cooking?

hothirldoll · Answer

No, he don’t

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