Am I hasty for removing my gamer friends on social media?

[Anonymous]

I have always had a tendency to be hasty & remove people from my life on social media & overall when there’s an issue. I am very selective when it comes to people so I don’t think that I’m a bad judge of character or settle with friendships/relationships for the sake of having company. Maybe it isn’t hasty bc I think it through for a while before I do it, I don’t want to label it either as this is apparently a trait of Borderline Personality Disorder. Maybe there’s nothing wrong with me & I just don’t like people?

Anyway, I had gamer friends through an online game & we’ve been talking for a little over 2 years. It was more frequent around peak COVID & as of recently we haven’t been in contact as often. There’s one I like more than the other (as a person not romantically) & he’s better at gaming but he has a tendency to make conceited remarks that have rubbed me the wrong way for a while. It’s been a while since he made one but it’s been gnawing at me. The other one is ditzy, he annoys me & while he also has said things that irritated me, I was quicker to delete the other one. I just deleted the ditzy one today bc it didn’t make sense to keep one & not the other, as the better one who I was closer to was online more often. The better one wished me a merry Christmas & I left his message on seen. I don’t think he realizes that he’s been deleted, it’s been a few weeks. The ditzy guy might catch on quicker, they’re both still online friends but rarely talk.

Yes

No

[Laura_Marx]

you don't have to have a good reason to stop being friends with somebody. you might just grow apart, or dislike some things about them which you only start to notice after a long time. they don't have to have done anything wrong. is it true that one of your friends is conceited, and the other is ditzy? i don't have to believe you about them. ditzy! who says that? well i really like him, but you know, he's so ditzy. i've never heard anybody say that. but even if they aren't so conceited or so ditzy, i don't think you're a bad guy for not liking them anymore.

@Kaneki05 has an alarmed reaction to you 'ghosting' them. the concept of 'ghosting' is something i consider a bit recent. in Seinfeld they treat 'breaking up with a friend' as an absurd punchline:

https://www.youtube.com/embed/7x3knxMBHco

"what can i do, break up with him? tell him, 'i don't think we're right for each other'? he's a guy!"

but i meet a lot of people who do expect this. in my opinion, it's a sort of immature feeling which we should feel bad about. they unbefriended me wrong, and it's their fault! and by the way, i have a beautiful soul! but given that people are indeed wounded in this way when they are reproved you should be aware of it, for they will feel reproached when you suddenly ignore them and they will speak maliciously about you to others. for myself, i let them down gently. i don't ignore their messages forever, but i ignore them for a bit, and then i say "sorry i left it so late, i've just been so busy lately. i'll get to you soon! i really, definitely promise!" and they'll say: "oh, that's no trouble! sorry you're so busy!" then i never message again. but this time, according to them, it is not that "Laura ghosted me!", proving my heart was cold all along, but that "we grew apart", and they unfortunately didn't make it through the busy part of my life which definitely happened, a turn of events for which they feel obliged to accept a little of the blame and they won't defame me.

for myself, i really am this busy, and holding onto dear friends really is this hard, so this person who previously was my friend does not suspect me of lying and should they compare it with my real friends they will hear the same sort of story from them. yes, Laura is very hard to reach, owing to her busy life. it's true! so i can admit to my deception in public and no one will feel offended. Machiavelli: "it is necessary to know well how to disguise this characteristic [craftiness], and to be a great pretender and dissembler; and men are so simple, and so subject to present necessities, that he who seeks to deceive will always find someone who will allow himself to be deceived."

[Kaneki05]

You do know that the whole point of Seinfeld show is that none of the main characters we good people and got sent to literal jail at the end because it.
So using that as example is making my point tbh.

Ghosting is not a good thing to do to people it's as simple as that Tour Bus Girl. You can stop been friends with someone but at least say why.

[Kaneki05]

Were*

[Laura_Marx]

@Kaneki05 i don't read Seinfeld that way... in a comedy, character's flaws are not always meant to be instructive; they exist to create funny situations. because we're aware of George's flaws we can see George arrive at a situation and say 'oh no... don't do it George...' and we laugh and commiserate. but he isn't always just a patsy who gets beat up for his flaws. sometimes, because he is such a strange or intense guy, he gets to be exceptionally daring in awkward situations in a way we can't bring ourselves to be, and watching him 'really do it' brings us joy. in this episode, the joke is obviously not that Seinfeld fails to break up with his friend with enough decorum; the punchline is that he tries to do it at all.

[Kaneki05]

It's the point of the show so you missed it. It's a comedy about bad people with a sense of relatability but they are bad people as it proves time and time again. They are activity doing things that they shouldn't in a society. In the end they are laughing at a guy getting robbed if you think these characters are the best to put as example you really missed the point lol.

Nobody in society wants to be ghosted.

[Laura_Marx]

@Kaneki05 i don't accept that Seinfeld has so fine a point Kaneki! the only explicit guide to interpretation that the show offers us is that it is "a show about nothing", after all. anyway, the point that i made wasn't that they were the best. i just don't think Seinfeld is trying to provide moral instruction; the characters have exaggerated traits which the writers can use to stage comic situations with various effects. sometimes we laugh because we relate to them and sometimes we laugh because we can't. anyway, i like you Kaneki! you're a very sweet guy, so lets not fight about Seinfeld! i wouldn't ghost you! i can change!!!

[Kaneki05]

You can choose to not accept but it's just the same as Always Sunny only difference is Always Sunny is way more explicit with it so I will stand by my point hehe.
You wouldn't ghost me? Aww why thank you. I believe you :)

[surebruh]

I have mixed opinions on this. To a large extent I agree with removing people who don't add any value to your life , I've done it to people I've known online and in person of 15 years. Where I take an issue is you didn't mention if you've *ever* saod to them that being removed is a risk for whatever reason. Maybe you don't give a shit but it may give them some closure and or since it was already discussed, if they happen to remember you discussed it and no longer see you online then they know. You mention they may not even notice you are removed, its true that many people are clueless, cluing in only when they feel its relevant, however maybe they also noticed and don't care? or noticed and don't want to bother you since you removed them suddenly?

[Kaneki05]

You end friendships without talking about it and just ghosting them?
Then there is for sure something wrong.
Nothing wrong with been selective hell knows I am but if you have friends who can't trust you to keep been there friends then why should one waste their time on you?

Nothing you said scream Bpd to me to little information but it could be in the attachment issue route for sure. Most of my ex's have been Bpd so I notice it quite quickly or at least traits like it.
But yeah you may just not like people however the curiosity is still the problem of been able to detach them without any talk beforehand.