Should I be more concerned about this?

[Anonymous]

I've been with my boyfriend for years and he's done this annoying thing several times in the past. I've been in the room when he's complained to his friends that he doesn't want to do something with my friends or after the fact saying it was boring. This is especially annoying when he initially says it was fun then tells his friends something different. It hasn't been as bad in the last couple years but he did it again yesterday. We were walking to the car when he told his friend on the phone, "She's making me hang out with her friends" in a groaning tone when his friend wanted to play Xbox with him. He later said he had fun and that I didn't actually force him ( I asked him over a week ago to hang with my friends) but he didn't correct himself with his friend. He apologized again but I had a talk with him explaining why its not nice. I've said it before so many times and I hate that he'll tell me one thing but then complain to his friends like the same day. Is this something I should be more concerned about? I don't like that his friends have a narrative that I force things on him and that he doesn't like hanging with me. I've hung out and still hang out with him and his friends pretty consistently. He hangs wit me and mine probably a couple times every few months at most.

[Guy13]

Oh please, that’s what guys do. I would be out the door and in my house.-If I had to be critiqued by some self-righteous and judgmental woman every time I spoke to the boys. Forcing me to sneak around and have a separate life now.

Next time you are out two hours, my crap would be in the UHAUL.
Right then, it would be like this: here is 4 months Rent on the Lease. I’m out and office will have my notice before I leave the premises.

If it were my house, your 💩 would be boxed, in the yard, and police notified of potential woman overreaction. There would be 2 months of rent plus deposit in an envelope under something out in yard.

[lightbulb27]

You are already are concerned, should you be more concerned... I think yes.

What he's doing is creating insecurity by not sharing what he really thinks or being double minded. It's confusing, sounds like lying, and could end up feeling like "gas lighting" .

I suspect the root cause is he has lower self esteem and/or he is not comfortable expressing his true opinion to you, maybe out of fear.

So the therapy course would be to explore those things, be it between you both, with a therapist, etc..

This can come out in different ways too. Unfortunately part of relationships is helping others mature sometimes, and recover through their emotional wounds and traumas into adults. You'd like to think you got a 25+ year old... but nope... someone is stuck back there in childhood... emotionally.

Huge problem... no, should be fixable, if he wants to fix it. Just practice being honest with his feelings.