Boyfriends best friend is excluding me from gatherings/parties he plans, my boyfriend thinks it’s no big deal. What do I do?

[juliacavvy]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years and his best friend doesn’t like me. For whatever reason, and has never come to me and told me he has a problem. I don’t want to go ask him bc it’s simply not my responsibility to go chase for answers. His birthday is coming up and he invited everyone else and their partners but not me, when my boyfriend is going. I’ve told him I’m extremely uncomfortable with this and he thinks it’s not his problem and that I’m overreacting. I know this will continue to happen if he just lets it slide and goes as if I’m not being purposefully excluded. We have almost broken up twice over this and I wish he just wouldn’t go bc it’s not fair on me. I will be sitting at home alone while they are all out together. I don’t want to break up with him but it’s such a bad move for him to make. It feels like he doesn’t care anymore.

[Rosexøxø]

Okay, I read first two sentences.

I’ll answer, and then read on from here. May comment afterwards, with addenda.

Based on that info given, and in general, it’s either he’s jealous of you being “in the way” of him and his friend (good buddy/ pal: brother/ “bromance?” Lmao)

other option, is he likes you subconsciously or knowingly, and in order to not let any of that get in the way, he’s directly cold to you.

I’ll opt for a rarity here, as well: Some guys only know how to be nice with the girls they find attractive and friends. Any other woman who is not their type, they will treat as a person of no obligation, privilege, requirement; etc.

What seems “mean” to you, is just how he treats a girl he is not attracted to. Can’t expect any special treatment of palsy-walsy. It can be immature of them, but I personally understand it. If they get disrespectful, then I put them in their place. Closing them off entirely, is optional, as well. They don’t deserve any of your kind gestures and affections either. Can just treat them as some stranger or so.

Not to be hurt by it, or anything, but it’s just a preference/ type thing.

So, basically:

• Jealousy/ intimidation

• Potential intense Attraction (gotta uphold bro-code)

• Awkward socializing, with average people (as far as their social circles go..)

some people are also not compatible, but have this kind of… “fiery passion?” in the likes of: opposites attract sort of ordeal- NO EXCUSE

AND not always the case, it’s just something they can’t comprehend and considered unacceptable- so they opt for “harsh treatment” and not liking you.

The best and most absolute thing you can do is realize, if it weren’t for your bad, you and his friend would never be friends because he’s just not interested, and only has time for the ladies he finds date-able or who possess friend potential.

DONT WORRY. YOU'RE NOT DATING THE FRIEND. You’re dating your boyfriend 😂👍

Don’t have to be liked by everybody, and certainly not anyone snobbish. He’s just one out of millions, let it go. 👀👍

[Rosexøxø]

Okay, I just saw your age and read the rest of it.. yeah, he doesn’t care about you, sis.

Guy friends usually have similar tastes in girls and people. (Taste in) Other friends too, at times. Not always, but a very good and high chance.

If the friend got along with your boyfriend, he should get along with you. Naturally.

The fact there is clash, means the boyfriend is not being his truest self with you and is just with you for sex.

ESPECIALLY, if he didn’t value your emotions, and state respectability.

Most guys would put their friends in their places, if they had somehow dissed on their friend’s girlfriends. Same for ladies.

You guys are young, a bit. I’m not at all discrediting, I’m just saying when I was in high school, was when I encountered the rude guys like that of friends. It’s a bit more rare and not at all a norm for older guys to behave like that.

They don’t know how to talk to girls. Yet.

Hopefully… lol (some never learn).

[Rosexøxø]

Yeah, I’m just saying nonchalantly, you should end things with him… before he does it with you in a possibly nasty way. He’s not mature…

If YoU just want sex benefits from the relationship, can use him back, but he’s not emotionally/psychologically on your level.

I could see a person of his type as getting a little nasty in a break up? I hope he doesn’t spread any rumors- just have someone in your corner- DONT ever worry about the trash they could say about you.

Go live life; have fun. Go to parties you’d want, with reliable people or tools. Don’t get wasted at those things either. Not like unconscious 👀😂, and consider to date a guy who is gonna only treat you like a queen.

Guys and Gals need to treat their mates like royalty- not bottom of the barrel- last place and of little priority…

You have plenty of time to figure things out, but I’m not liking the sounds and looks of this guy and his mate..

Up to you ofc!

Just guard your emotions on this one ☝️ and have someone in your corner- preferably not a lady friend who hangs out with them or likes those guys. Someone as an outside party, or who is neutral.

My dm is always open. Not always readily available in the heat of moments, but I will do my best to just offer another perspective: one of someone who is observant of people for 20 years running. 💪

[SueShe]

You are right. His priority is his friend and not you.

You are also right to insist that you accompany him or that he does not go. As you state, this will not be the only exception and if you don't react, he will believe that he can pull this trick every time.

Your boyfriend should put his foot down for you. If he does not do it for something like that, he will also not do it for other things. To me, it shows that he lacks the strength of character to say no to his friend.

Now, you are apparently 17 and despite the fact that you have been together with your boyfriend for 2 years, I personally don't think your relation is going to last a lifelong simply because you are not a priority in his life.

It may sound mean but it would be better for you to sever this relationship because you will never be his priority. He prefers not to aggravate his friend but it is okay for him to aggravate you. Good luck.

[rjd_20006]

I agree, it’s not the boyfriend … it’s the friend. Trust me don’t go between friendships cause it never ends well and ultimately, you’ll both pay the price. I’d leave him to it and like others have said, get your self busy. Make time with other friends and do it away from your boyfriend. Maybe he’ll then see how it feels but at the same time it’s not his fault his friend feels the way he feels. It’s not nice being excluded, and if you see a future with your boyfriend, carry on as normal and concentrate in your social life. On the day of the party, leave him to it, I wouldn’t even message him. Concentrate on you a little bit

[OlderAndWiser]

This could be seen as a relatively trivial issue, bu I think the underlying attitude has potentially larger consequences for your future. Do you want a long term partner who treats you like a queen if you treat him like a king) and, if so, is this how a queen would be treated? Do you feel lke the most important person in your boyfriend's life?

[Summeroflove]

I don’t know the reason. But the truth is. He doesn’t have to. If he doesn’t like you. Then it doesn’t even matter anyways.

[juliacavvy]

He says he loves me but if he did why would he pick them over me and exclude me while I’m at home alone and they’re all out it’s messed:(

[Summeroflove]

I don’t know ask him.

[juliacavvy]

He said it’s his bsf and from his pov he’s just going to have a good night out w his friends and it doesn’t mean he loves me any less…

[Summeroflove]

Well. Then that’s what it is. There’s nothing you can really do about it sorry

[juliacavvy]

Do u think I have the right to be upset tho

[juliacavvy]

Like is it wrong what he’s doing

[Summeroflove]

It’s not wrong. I mean I don’t want to sound harsh. But you’re not entitled. He has a right to say no.

It’s understandable to feel hurt or upset. But it is what it is

[juliacavvy]

It’s not that I’m entitled it’s that we’ve been dating for two years and I’m the only girlfriend who was not invited when some of them have been together for two months. It’s the fact that he’s willing to go and endorse that and act like it’s fine.

[Summeroflove]

I do understand how you feel. It sucks to feel excluded but someone.

[Summeroflove]

But your boyfriend is also free to do what he wants as well.

[juliacavvy]

I just feel shitty to stay with someone who will exclude me too

[Summeroflove]

He’s not excluding you. It’s his friend.

[Guy13]

Sounds fishy. Doing something you might not need to know about. Guy time…

[TrueConfection]

Go out with your girlfriends that night and don't be home when he returns (or available by phone). Have a great time and start planning more without him. He'll either be glad or he'll want more time with you.

[SexyRedd1966]

Maybe it's not the best friend maybe it's him and he's using his friend as a scapegoat... that's ludicrous that you can't go to the functions when everyone else's partner is there

[WhitneySnow]

I totally agree with you. Your boyfriend should stand up to his friend.

[slatyb]

How often does this happen? It makes a huge difference. Why does his friend find you objectionable?

[Dav1dTh0ma389]

Two year relationship, at 17. This is the time for you to be dating, not strapped down in a long term relationship. My dad was dating at your age, and he didn't marry until he was in his 30's.

[TheFlak38]

You're the nagging girlfriend who spoils everything.

[juliacavvy]

Thanks

[Anonymous]

Talk to the boyfriend he’ll him it’s a big deal if he doesn’t care he’s not the one I promise you that

[Anonymous]

Dump your boyfriend. This is a toxic situation that won't end well.

[juliacavvy]

I can’t though I have put in two years of time and effort and I genuinely see a future with him and care for him but I don't know how he can treat me like that.

[Summeroflove]

Irs not her boyfriend whose the problem it’s the friend

[Iron_Man]

Don’t put up with that

[juliacavvy]

I beat in his car crying for hours and he just doesn’t see how wrong it is I don't know what to do!

[Iron_Man]

Maybe stay busy for a while

[juliacavvy]

What do u mean like ignore him

[Iron_Man]

Don’t go out with him for a while act like you’re busy

[juliacavvy]

I’m just so scared to lose him and I don't know what to do. I told him a few days ago I would try my best to keep this relationship happy and afloat but he just doesn’t see how much this bothers me. And if I blow him off he’ll break up with me probably bc I mean we’re already hanging on by threads anyway. I don't know what to do bc I cry every night about this stupid party I’m not invited to bc he doesn’t care that I will be excluded. Like idc about the party I care that he doesn’t care.

[Iron_Man]

I’m sorry when you get older, you’ll find a mature guy that won’t be like this

[juliacavvy]

Absolute worst feeling ever

[juliacavvy]

My parents say it’s wrong even. But he’s such a good guy other than this. Tbh in the whole two years we’ve dated this is the first time he’s really messed up. It’s mostly always been my fault.

[Iron_Man]

Oh wow 10 years

[juliacavvy]

No two years lol

[Iron_Man]

Oh ok sorry
Lol

[Anonymous]

Get another boyfriend