Is polyamory the solution to avoid heartbreak and deceit?

[Cherrylicious]

I believe that men cannot be faithful because they like a variety of women while secretly enjoying the benefits of a committed monogamous relationship. I have witnessed my uncles and brothers cheating on their wives/ girlfriends and I have also experienced the same thing. It just seems that men like a woman more when she is not faithful to him and knows that she has other men in her rotation where is if the woman clearly shows the guy that she is just only about him, then he will more than likely cheat on her and take her for granted and I believe many women put too many expectations on the guy to be just like them without understanding that men by Nature are naturally polyamorous and expecting them to be what they are NOT is very impossible and that they should just except reality for what it is and also be able to exercise their sexuality and their dating options just like men do by having multiple men so just in case they're main relationship goes wrong, then they've already had a spare tire that they have had behind because every guy has a spare tire so I would never put anything past a guy and men are going to cheat whether you are a good woman or not.

[TheSpaceGnome]

No.

Literally everything you said is incorrect.

1. There is no difference between cheating and polyamory, at that point you are just auto defaulting to getting cheated on by multiple people, and it will feel much worse.

2. Most men don't cheat, and most men don't want multiple women. You only think otherwise because the type you are attracted to is the type that cheats. Stop going for "bad boys". They are almost entirely scum. Humans are naturally monogamous, its why monogamy and marriage is commonly accepted by the general public.

3. Men dump women who are not faithful to them unless the guy is the type to just want casual sex, but those people are losers and are not very common.

4. If you think people need to accept reality, you should start with yourself, and get out of that fantasy land you built in your head.

[loveslongnails]

I happen to agree that polyamory solves nothing of the sort, but some of your follow up statements are simply wrong. In your opinion, " Literally everything you said is incorrect." Literally? No sir. For starters, you're wrong simply from a definitional standpoint of the words themselves.

1. "There is no difference between cheating and polyamory" - Absolutely incorrect.

Cheating occurs when there's no knowledge or consent by one of the parties involved for the other party to enter into a relationship, liaison, encounter, etc, generally but not limited to, sexual ones.
Polyamory is the practice of engaging in multiple romantic (and typically sexual) relationships, with the consent of all the people involved.
Repeat: The CONSENT of ALL PEOPLE INVOLVED. Therefore, it can not be cheating.

2) "Most men don't cheat" - Statistically correct - but they would if they could! About 25% of men admit to cheating, in any kind of relationship, however that number is higher among married men, anywhere from 25 to 40%. Many researchers have stated they think it's even higher but not reported, because the #1 reason for divorce world wide is STILL infidelity. So, while it's true that "most men" (that would be over 50%) do not cheat, about a quarter to a third of men admit that they do, and more would consider it (see below).

3) "and most men don't want multiple women." -True, not for relationships. Most men do NOT want polyamory, however studies have found that anywhere from 60-75% of men say they WOULD cheat or have an extramarital affair if it was 100% guaranteed they'd never get caught.

Before you rail against someone about their fantasies, you should look at marriage and divorce statistics yourself.

[TheSpaceGnome]

@loveslongnails Everything you just said that was contrary to what I said, is false.

[loveslongnails]

If you believe the studies and surveys, the numbers say that roughly 25% of men in some form of a "committed relationship" admit to cheating, but that between 30 to 40% of married men admit to cheating. Still, that's less than "most men", but a number that women don't want to accept or think about.

Just to be clear, an open relationship and a polyamorous relationship are not the same thing. The way to avoid heartbreak and deceit is to be on the exact same page when it comes to what is acceptable in your relationship with another, or with a group of others. Before you enter into any sort of open sexual relationship, everyone better be sure they can handle each other having sex with someone else and still feel cared for, wanted and essentially loved. You might start out thinking you can handle it and find out you can't.

[loveslongnails]

LOL SpaceGnome blocked me because I guess he can't handle a sensible, documentable discussion. So here's my response, child, to your statement that "Everything you just said that was contrary to what I said, is false."

Bullshit. LOL Look up the definitions, for starters. Everything I said contrary to what you said is documented. By the way, I did agree with certain of your statements, but I guess that's all you can accept. LOL You need to do some research instead of relying on "I know what I know", because you don't even know the proper definitions of the terms you're discussing.

[kylee2437]

Sounds like you possibly have traumas that need to be worked out in therapy. You see your family members having broken relationships , so you assume everyone else’s relationships are like this. Lowering your standards because you think it can take away heart break doesn’t exist. Poly relationships are still structured and you can still experience heart break and jealousy, especially if you click with one person to the point where you can see yourselves being individually together.

[Cherrylicious]

That has nothing to do with it it's just a simple fact that men are by and large are not faithful people and it does not make them bad people it's just make them people in general so I will never be faithful to a guy who I know will not be faithful to me so which is why I tell women to never put all of their eggs in one basket because while they are only seeking and dating one guy, he will be more than likely dating tons of other women and I've seen it happen so many times. Women who commit to monogamy set themselves up for failure.

[kylee2437]

Actually it does have to do with it since you are relating your family experiences and personal experiences to develop your opinion. That is called trauma

[Cherrylicious]

That could be the case but that does not take away the fact that men are not monogamous.

[kylee2437]

Says you they aren’t, but you can only gain one perspective because you have only had bad relationships surrounding you. I’ve talked to a therapist about this myself.

[Cherrylicious]

Therapy will never change men's natural sexual nature that's the point of my argument here. "Traumatized" or not, it never has nor will it never be in a man's nature to be faithful nor satisfied with the one woman so why set yourself up by basically agreeing to a one-sided monogamous relationship where I will basically be the only loyal and faithful one?

[kylee2437]

You are giving excuses to men when men have advanced human brains just like we do and they should have self control when seeking relationships. They know typical expectations of what a relationship consists of and we all know cheating is typically a deal breaker when dating, so if you want to be free and do what you want , why bother entering into a relationship? If you were talking about cows not naturally being monogamous, I would more likely buy into it since their brains aren’t advanced and can’t sense self control like humans can.

[midnightmoon05]

Sounds like you live in a culture of lies, cheats are normal.
I live in a culture of love and respect and commitment to life.

I hope you meet a man who can give you love.
I would stay away from men/culture who are not loyal.

A secret I don’t tell often…
I left China at 10 with my family. I return at 21, met a distant cousin (not blood related) he came to my bedroom naked. I told him to leave.
Till this day, I never ever talk to him or his family again.

My family, on the other hand, are all married/loyal and successful.

Agree, don’t ever make excuses for bad behaviors.

So Becareful who you hang with.

[LazerBean]

No, polyamory only increases the likelihood of those things.

[Cherrylicious]

How so when monogamy is just a "don't let me find out" type of relationship?

[LazerBean]

If that's how your monogamous relationships are, you need to seriously up your standards.

[SnowedIn]

Nope. Emotions are still involved. In fact, especially so in polyamory (as opposed to consensual non monogamy). Any time emotions are involved, you can have heartbreak and you can have deceit with anything. So polyamory may work for some but it is not the solution to heartbreak and deceit.

[misogynistic_pig]

No, in fact institutionalized monogamy brings many benefits to men.

By the way, today's society is not monogamous, serial monogamy through divorce and remarriage is essentially promiscuity vertically over time rather than horizontally in the present.

[UniquelyBasic]

Well no😅 a lot of People are just naturally. really jealous and knowing your partner is sleeping with someone else will destroy them emotionally. Its not for everyone and only a few people can handle an open relationship.

[Berethor]

Men like a woman more when she is not faithful to him? no, most men don't want a ho. Even cheaters usually don't want to get cheated, only polyamory men want is a FFM polyamory.

[krin_m]

It is not that simple.

[Cherrylicious]

How so🤔

[krin_m]

Polyamory is not a free pass to be fickle with other people's emotions. The heartbreaks and deceits are a result of emotional betrayal. That can happen in polyamorous relationships as well.

[Guardian45]

Perhaps. I like it.