What do I do in this situation?

Question

hey everyone. i’ve been with my boyfriend for 9 years. i stopped my whole life to make him my whole world. i stopped hanging out with my friends, i stopped doing my hobbies all to give him 100% attention when he asked me to go over. eventually over the years i lost myself. i’m not the sweet girl i used to be, i gained weight, i’m not always happy, i look at myself in the mirror and i don’t recognize myself. we have been arguing real mad for months now. two days ago i told him that i think we should take a break. just so i can find myself again and be the best version of myself i can be. however, i miss talking to him. i miss being happy with him, but i also understand the heartache someone goes through when the person is always so unhappy with themselves (me). i always complained that we didn’t go out anywhere, how he followed bunch of bikini girls on instagram and liked their picture, how he choose beer over me countless of times and how he would call me drunk and said horrible things to me. since December 31 2022 he decided to change the way he was, not for me, for himself. he didn’t like the way his life was going so he’s changing. i prayed for years for this man, but now that he is here, I don't know how to handle it. i’m so used to the man i knew for 8 years. i’m also so unhappy with who i am. i stopped being myself for him and that’s my fault. i don’t want to lose him forever, i want to be happy with him and i know he wants the same. what can i do in this situation?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Ok, so you fucked up. You REALLY fucked up. You have to accept that, forgive your bad decisions, and start making good ones. The first thing you have to do is get "good with yourself" again. Can you do it in the same space with him? I don't know. Do you have to financially? I don't know. Whatever the case, it all starts with you from the inside out. I don't think you need to go pamper yourself and go to a salon. You might want to spend the money on a gym membership, or nutritional help, and get back into a shape you love. You should do this no matter what.

The next thing you have to do is answer honestly - let's say you could be the girl you were 8 years ago, physically and personality wise, over night. Magic wand. Would you want HIM the way he is NOW, or has he become somebody else? You have to be 100% certain you're not in love with the fantasy of BOTH OF YOU getting a do-over and being what you think you can be. Has he changed any in 2023?

You have to be brutally honest with yourself and accept the answers you arrive at.

gorydetails · Accepted Answer

So hopefully you learned your lesson. You need to work on yourself. Let him go and if it's meant to be he will return.

NotTacocaT6969 · Accepted Answer

The key to a happy marriage is the ability to be your true self around the person you marry.

You need to stop squelching you you are to make someone else happy, that’s not how life is supposed to work.

It will take time, but you NEED to become yourself again.

If you being your true self causes your relationship to end, then that relationship was nothing more than an act and you will have saved yourself an untold number of wasted years.

If he really loves you, that means he loves the REAL you.

If he doesn’t love the real you, he never did.

Changiis07 · Accepted Answer

You can start NOW!! Stop complaining about it and do something about it. Start slowly doing things you enjoy, do your nails and get a facial. Start taking care of your body and start small so that you can stick to it. Drink water daily, make better choices

What do I do in this situation?

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