Why does refuse to talk on the phone?

[Anonymous]

I've been talking to someone a month, and I've asked her numerous of times let's talk on the phone to aleast hear her voice. I've been video recording and sending audio recordings.. including pictures. She did send two pictures, and I told her the texting isn't working out because text messages are getting crossed somewhere... with misunderstandings and miscommunications. Now we're suppose to be meeting this month in a public place and I'd like to hear her voice or she can send me a video clip. It makes it so hard to let my guard down and it raises concerns when there's no communication properly.. she told me she was having phone problems and dropped her phone in the water last month , but I've been texting her all month. It makes me want to pull back after 2 months due to this..

Updates

1 y

I can't say that we are exclusive dating because we've been talking 2 months on the phone and that doesn't count as dating.. I'm old fashioned and traditional plus believe in courting and dating in person. I don't do online dating or text nor date modern people.

Updates

1 y

Her phone is messed up and she can't video chat she can't afford a phone because she's taking care of her son who was in a bad car accident

[SteveSmith1985]

Ok, this is actually really not all that complicated. It's especially not complicated because you're both women.

Your concerns are perfectly valid and reasonable. You are right to take the basic precautions you're taking (wanting to ensure the voice matches the profile, meeting in a public place first etc.).

Guys these days have been forced to understand that women need to be careful because there are a lot of creeps out there. That's why, generally, guys don't mind at all when a girl does things (like wanting to talk on the phone) to make sure that everything's cool. Guys all are able to appreciate, that you have no way of knowing that they aren't a creep who means you harm.

There is absolutely no excuse for another woman to not be able to appreciate why this is so important to you. That is hard to believe to be honest. I've known a lot of women (bet you have too). Can you imagine any of them, refusing to talk on the phone under similar circumstances? No. Because every single one of them would know and understand why it is you NEED to talk to them on the phone before meeting.

This is sketchy as fuck.

The way I see it is: Push the issue. Push it hard. Make it absolutely a condition of agreeing to meet. Period.

There's no good reason for a woman to do this. Ever. But if somehow there is, surely she won't stand on her principle (or fear of talking on the phone or whateverthefuck) if it comes down to you walking away if she continues to refuse.

You need to be willing to walk away. You are beyond dumb if you meet this "girl" without talking to her on the phone. Especially now that they've been all sketchy about it. You really have to demand it. (and it's totally not even weird for you to do so)

[SteveSmith1985]

In regards to your update. Offer to cover the financial costs. It can't be overly expensive for you to contrive some way to do that.

You have only two choices here: Either make this phone call happen; or walk away from this completely.

Those really are the only options you should be considering. So, do what you gotta do to make the phone call happen. There is no excuse possible that you can't figure out a solution to. It's a phone call. Not rocket science. There's only so many excuses she can give you. So, for this one, offer to pay. Then... I would expect there to be no more issue. Problem solved.

If there's another "issue". Then that's a man who means you ill on the other end of your conversations.

She should clearly be able to appreciate why no sane woman is going to meet her without this phone call. Especially now that all this sketchy-shit and excuses happened. Surely, if she's legit, she realizes how fishy this all seems to you, and would be willing to go "the extra mile" to assure you she's who she claims to be.

[Asker]

She can get a free cell phone for us to further communicate there are government issued cell phones out there

[Asker]

Who said anything about meeting her without communication/ I don't online date and have been single 11 years by choice

[SteveSmith1985]

Nobody said anything about meeting her without communication. But that's obviously the risk. Remember, I don't know you.

[Asker]

I made it clear I wasn't meeting her until we communicated on the phone - Communication is over at this point and I'm moving forward / I have no intentions of dating at this point - will be enjoying my single life as I have been since 2014

[SteveSmith1985]

Why are you being so fucking prickly? Actually you DID NOT make it clear that you weren't meeting until communication on the phone. I don't know why you're being so goddamn hostile. You seem delightful. Shit. You're welcome by the way!

[Asker]

I'm not being hosting l read what you said - it doesn't natrer I'm moving on from this with her

[WaterIsland]

I totally get where you’re coming from. I’d personally pull back after that and move on. Or maybe make it extra clear that talking on the phone or video chatting is an important thing to me, and give one last chance to do that before moving on.


As to the why, it could be a variety of reasons. Too shy, doesn’t like talking on the phone, catfishing, etc. But if it’s important enough to you, the other person should accommodate.

[Asker]

She can get a free government cell phone for us to further communicate I have pulled back

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry but in 2023 there’s no reason she can’t call you, there’s just too many options available even for free. This leads me to feel like she’s catfishing or being dishonest in some way. I know she sent you pics but those aren’t hard to get, especially from an average person who’s face you wouldn’t recognize. I’m not sure what the point of doing this would be, but some people are just lowlifes who have nothing interesting happening so they create another more exciting life. I had a friend who was catfished by a girl for almost 5 years, it was so pointless and stupid.

[Asker]

At this point we're not talking I told her either send the video or call / sorry said today and never said when. So I told her I was backing off we're not communicating and I will be moving on

[Asker]

I've been single 11 years by choice nor date

[Asker]

I've been asking her over a month to send a video recording or call nothing/ today was my final straw

[Opinion Owner]

I do not blame you. It’s one thing If you met her in person, but otherwise she needs to understand it’s important for you to be able to verify her identity. If she’s not cat fishing and just self conscious or whatever then that’s something she should’ve considered before putting herself out there. Anyway you’re better off without her, that behavior sounds like a headache.

[Asker]

It is if she was going to call or send the video recording she would have done it by now or today. She's making excuses so I'm gone

[Opinion Owner]

I saw you’re update about why she can’t video chat, and I’m sorry but that’s hard to believe because when there’s a will there’s a way. I know she has family, friends or someone she can ask to use their phone really fast and record a couple seconds video selfie to send to herself, then you. That’s not something I’d normally even suggest but I think in this one situation she could figure it out. But whatever, you’re making a good choice because like you said it’s a bunch of excuses and lies.

[Asker]

At the time we were taking I didn't see it as we were dating , but as time went on I felt it was necessary since she wanted too meet me. I'm gone now and I have too see it as her playing mind games or being g dishonest

[Asker]

I'm not going to beg anyone to do anything/ I won't invest an ounce of energy into her / I'm so old fashioned and traditional meaning I don't do online dating. Next person I meet will have to be in person - God sent 🙏🏽

[Opinion Owner]

Yes, I think that would be better. I’m in a relationship now and met him in person but before that I was doing online dating for a while and never found my match. So maybe there’s something to be said about waiting to run into your person one day.

[Asker]

It'll be the old-fashioned way out and about

[Opinion Owner]

Wishing you luck!

[Asker]

Thanks

[KittyKat90210]

Hmm... it seems like she's hiding behind her texts. How did you meet her? Are you sure she's not a guy pretending to be a woman?

[Asker]

She can text her phone is messed up

[Asker]

She can get a government cell phone for us to further communicate

[driven159]

something fishy going on I hope you have not sent money

[Asker]

No I haven't

[driven159]

May be time to move on and not waste more time with them.

[Asker]

Read my update there are free cell phones she can invest in - I don't know how she's actually able to communicate with me and pay her bill

[Anonymous]

wow you really are dumb. it's so obvious even a blind man can see it.. it's really a guy catfishing you

[Asker]

No she's not she's not working to get a phone

[Asker]

She has exchanged pictures and all - I have pulled back

[Asker]

Told her she needs to get a phone in order for us to futher communicate

[Opinion Owner]

anybody can get pictures of someone else online or through a facebook search of some random woman who's profile is set to public

[Opinion Owner]

hey you know what not my problem if you don't want to take my advice i told you how it is. if you can't accept the truth that's on you

[Asker]

Idc were not moving forward and I have pulled back don't think you think I know that

[Asker]

Whyi told her she needs to up a picture before we can even move forward

[Asker]

And video chat furthermore I have pulled back

[Asker]

I don't take care of people online financial better yet I don't online date - I've been single 11 years for this very reason

[Asker]

I'm confused why you're making this about you - being single has saved me

[Opinion Owner]

all i said was if you can't accept the fact you're being catfished by a guy then it's not my problem. never once said it was about me

[Asker]

I haven't met this person yet and furthermore until she can communicate it's off as I gave pulled back - told her / him numerous of times to video chat or make a call

[Asker]

No loss here

[Asker]

Still single and celibate

[Asker]

I know how far to go seriously thanks for the advice though

[Opinion Owner]

keep yourself pulled back and distance yourself emotionally think logically rather than emotionally

[Asker]

This isn't my first rodeo and careless once again I made it perfectly clear I don't online date and have been single 11 years and you're still going at it why?

[Asker]

Pls stop responding to me you internet people are strange as fuck I swear and can't comprehend

[Asker]

At some point social media needs to be banned

[Asker]

Either she gets a phone and call or I'm gone I haven't met this woman nor initiated anything due to this - one again no loss either way

[Asker]

Were not even talking