What’s the difference between the first love, 2nd love and the 3rd love?

Question

I fell in love for the first time at 22, I was madly in love, blindly in love, loved him unconditionally.

He also did the things for me, I never heard of any men doing. I was his first love as well and he was all in in our relationship.

What I wonder is, how did you fall for the 2nd time?

Because once this love I thought to be magical, perfect and immortal- is over, I know everything has an end and even the most beautiful fairytales must end.

I am more cautious when dating and I don’t think I am open enough to fall madly in love again.

I think I can fall in love but that love will probably never be as crazy as the first one. I think this love will be more mature but maybe not head over heels in love anymore.

How did you manage that? How did you fall in love again after your first horrible heartbreak? How did you manage to give your heart to someone else and did it feel as exciting as the first one?

caring__1 · Accepted Answer

Experience gives us filters. We use those filters to reduce the likelihood we'll feel the pain we did in previous experiences. First love tends to be blind love, because we really don't know what to look for. We just lose ourselves in the experience. We become our experience. As we gain experience, we learn what works well for us and what our red flags might be (and how those differ from what society promotes as ideal). When we pay attention to those signs, we can fine tune future choices and, hopefully, end up with better results. When we don't learn from our past, we continue the same patterns while expecting different results... leading to frustration and disappointment.

Look at the qualities that draw you to people. Are they superficial aspects, or are they what you've found to add significant meaning to a relationship? In other words, do you continue to prioritize color or size or attitude (ie "bad boy" type)? Prioritizing superficial aspects will never lead to long-term happiness and fulfillment, yet it tends to be what many people place great importance on.

Do you tend to see only what you want to see (or fear seeing), or do you learn to clearly see all aspects of a potential partner? The more experience you have, the more things you'll learn to be aware of or seek understanding of.

Though experience gives us a clearer picture of what we're getting ourselves into, it can also limit opportunities. When we're young, we don't really know who we are, so it's easier for people to explore, discover and grow together. We often get set in our ways as we get older, so we're less likely to accept what doesn't fit the life we've become accustomed to.

Most differences aren't red flags to people who don't feel insecure. When we feel insecure, it's common to assume differences are negative judgments about us. This either leads to people attempting to change others to conform to how they see themselves, or people isolate themselves in the company of those who are clones of themselves. Without different experiences, growth is impossible. We must discover something new before we can become something new. People won't respect our uniqueness if we don't respect their uniqueness. We generally aren't bothered if our date prefers a different menu item than us, so what would be the reasons we'd be bothered if our date has a different belief than us? As long as our date isn't pushing that belief on us, the difference is irrelevant, and only insecure people feel a need to push their agenda onto others. It's no fun being with an insecure person, because they tend to minimize or deny your compliments, making it hard for you to appreciate what you like about them.

snowboarder720 · Accepted Answer

The first love is always the sweetest. You’re so young when it happens that you sorta don’t have any barriers cuz why would you? Nobody has ever really done you wrong before and you’ve never went through a real heartbreak from someone that you’ve cared so much about.
It’s nothing to blame yourself for. Moving forward into another relationships you’ll understand yourself more and hope to really protect your feelings more. It’s important to not have too many barriers up because you won’t allow anyone a chance to live you but it’s important to not have enough because there are assholes who will take advantage of you.

Dating and relationships is totally a mental game. There’s really no difference between the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, love relationship. It’s really all up to you on how you prepare yourself for the next relationship like knowing your love language, what are your triggers, what are your boundaries, and how well you communicate those things to your partner while respecting theirs too.

Honestly most of it is just understanding yourself and who you really are which sounds a lot easier than what it really is.

Aerissa_Jade · Accepted Answer

You put up with my crap with first love, eventually you know yourself and others better and put up with far less crap and are able to spot the problems sooner.

I know my first real love, I didn't get a chance to get that far before he passed away but after him, I put up with far too much abuse and crap that I would never allow these days.

The first one also feels like nothing you've ever felt before, where as down the road you can be more careful and cautious with your heart.

After all you don't want it to get ripped out again.

itsalyssaagain · Accepted Answer

For me I also had my first love at 22. When things ended I felt broken, like he had taken a big piece of my heart and I could never ever love somebody again.

2 years later, I fell in love for the second time in my life. Only this time, because my first heartbreak had taught me so much about myself and about relationships, I loved this guy in another way that was even more amazing.

I feel like the people we love in the past teach us and help us prep for our next relationship.

Guy13 · Answer

Certainties: Death, Taxes, and nothing is permanent except Death. The first love is innocent one goes through undergrad, moves to me and graduate school, gets engaged, and decides my Work and its requirements do not fit the life she wanted. This proves life is not about money as that's a non-factor...

Love happens again though as I am discovering... It don't want to know how nor d I want logical or formula explanation or understanding of it and the processes. It is good that things such as God and love are bigger and beyond our full understanding at this time.

dynamicyandere · Answer

If you fall madly in love again, it will feel quite similar.

The chemistry will feel magical. And you will feel surprised because you thought it was impossible to feel this way again.

If it happens, you will know, because it’ll be something that you feel in your heart and soul.

They will stand out from everyone else that you meet. They will have a special X factor that you can sense. They will be one of a kind and you will be thankful that you’ve met.

Like infatuation, but with enormous depth and staying power.

At least, that is how it has been for me.

But, I’ve only ever met 2 people like that in my whole life.

dynamicyandere · Answer

If you fall madly in love again, it will feel quite similar.

The chemistry will feel magical. And you will feel surprised because you thought it was impossible to feel this way again.

If it happens, you will know, because it’ll be something that you feel in your heart and soul.

They will stand out from everyone else that you meet. They will have a special X factor that you can sense. They will be one of a kind and you will be thankful that you’ve met.

Like infatuation, but with enormous depth and staying power.

At least, that is how it has been for me.

But, I’ve only ever met 2 people like that in my whole life.

DizzyDesii · Answer

The only ones that really matter are the first love/first boyfriend and the last love/husband. Everybody inbetween is just another mistake earned/lesson learned. Telling someone “I love you” is deep but not as deep/passionate/unique as saying “I’m madly in love with you.” That hits harder and very few get that in life

petitedollbabee · Answer

First love gives you some experience and gives you your first heart break which helps you grow. Second love shows you how you do or how you don’t want to be treated & loved. You’re learning not to tolerate bad behaviour. Third love is normally the right love for people, but sometimes it’s another lesson on what behaviour you shouldn’t tolerate.

Zayed_ · Answer

I only had one “Girlfriend” and honestly I forgot about her since it was years ago but the way she lied to me still affects me till this day.

Also my life and my looks aren’t perfect and this makes it hard to find a girl.

In the Arab world we take relationships (sexless) seriously because it will most likely lead to marriage thus women here looking for perfect man.

to come and think of it, It makes sense.

Brando10222 · Answer

That person proved me that she is better than the last one. She wants the best for me, listens when I'm down. Wants the best life for me.

I wouldn't be here if I hadn't been through the things I have. So no regrets. I appreciate the past and everything it taught me. And focused on present and future.

NathanDavis · Answer

all at different ages... therefore, all very different from one another from teen, to young... to an adult

Daniela1982 · Answer

By the third love you tell them to fly right or you will shoot him down and give what is left to the dogs.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

I think I just woke up and realized I paid them... they're hookers. They fuck other guys... I am no longer in love.

OneManOnly01 · Answer

First love is infatuation and obsession and going crazy I guess. The rest are normal.

NostalgiaSenpi · Answer

As an outsider, difference doesn't make much sense to me.

Mayo503 · Answer

That’s just love only you know how you feel it just takes you by surprise…. And the connection you have with it… Hope that helps

scooogy · Answer

Love can be reasoned or just spontaneous. While reasoned love can go deeper, spontaneous love is easier to let go.

weysally · Answer

on this I will only PM you

Fireguy17 · Answer

they keep getting better.

Anonymous · Answer

One's first, one's second, and one's third

LiamJHayden · Answer

I'm still looking for the first.

Wise4myage · Answer

The experiences you learn.

What’s the difference between the first love, 2nd love and the 3rd love?

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