How do I handle this situation with a guy?

[Anonymous]

I’m friends with this new guy from Aspie group who I’ll call Alec. Our friendship was going fine until my mum said she sensed that Alec had a crush on me. He’s shy and reserved and has been making extra time to support me with my problems, like walking me home at night when I’ve got James to do it (another mate); talking more often than he normally talks to women and looking me over, up and down when he thought I wasn’t looking. Sharing intimate emotional problems. He’s a lovely, sensitive, intelligent, kind and funny man. I’m just feeling less romantic and more brotherly vibes for him. I thought I was imagining things until mum mentioned being careful. I have Asperger’s too. I know I could trust him but I’m not attracted, so how do I plant him firmly in the friendzone, subtly?

[Guy13]

You are there so who knows better than you. Part of it is following your heart, knowing your wants and desired, and knowing excatly what your feelings are like for each of these guys.

[Asker]

My feelings.. you’re asking me what I feel for Alec and what I feel for you.. Ben, Alec is my friend. He opened up to me about a lot of personal stuff and we became close. The thing is, it’s in my nature to be ‘bright, bubbly Kat.’ I have a lot of love in me for others, especially my friends, all of whom I want emotional intimacy with. If I was physically attracted to Alec, it might be ok to let myself fall in love again. But I’m not. He’s like a new third best friend, a brother, to me. Like Naomi was a sister to us both.

[Asker]

As for you, I don’t know how to feel. I don’t dislike you, I enjoy our conversations and I’m physically attracted to you and loved you last year, I’d say for several years. But you refused intimacy with me and said you were happy being single and you were distant and cold and I’ve since met guys who aren’t. I don’t think it’s love anymore. I think attraction, loneliness and curiosity. An enjoyment of intellectual debates.

[OlderAndWiser]

Start talkng about how you would love to be dating but you don't know anyone at present who is a good candidate.