I think my long distance boyfriend is cheating on me. I have no real proof, but I've caught him in lies many times. What should I do?

Question

I know that if I try to talk to him about it, he's gonna get defensive.

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

Long distance relationships - unless you are married, strongly committed, and the distance was forced upon you by outside circumstances (a military deployment, medical treatments, or a career-defining job opportunity) - are an illusion and a waste of your time.

Average SMV (Social Market Value), based on age and sex

You are in your late 20s. The wall is quickly approaching, and once you hit 30 (approximately), your options in men willing to commit to you for a serious relationship will decrease significantly, so it's absolutely in your best interest to find the man you want to spend the rest of your life with NOW, while you still have the most choices and the highest-value men that will ever be available to you.

This doesn't mean that you will have NO options in your 30s and older - it simply means that you will have far fewer options, and you will see those options as having lower value than the best men you can get now, in your 20s. See how the value curves cross at age 30? That's the WALL. Once you hit the wall, everything changes, and so it's absolutely in your best interest to set up the rest of your life BEFORE you reach that point, because once your 20s are gone, they are gone forever.

Because of that truth, you cannot afford to be wasting your time on a long distance relationship. in my opinion, you should end that, and focus on dating a man who is LOCAL, who can spend time with you regularly, and who is looking for a serious relationship or marriage - assuming that's what you want for your life, of course. Your LDR is more fantasy than reality, and while you are keeping it, and not progressing in REALITY, the clock keeps ticking and the wall gets closer and closer.

You still have time to get the best outcomes, but you no longer have the luxury of wasting time, assuming you want marriage or at least someone to grow old with. If you are smart, you'll stop pretending that you're in a real relationship, you'll break that off, and you'll put all your energy into meeting LOCAL men IN PERSON and evaluating those men primarily on their morals, values, and life-goals, and choosing one who you have high long-term compatibility with. THAT is the recipe for the best long-term outcome, but as I said, your choices will be greatly reduced - especially with the top options going away - once you hit 30. If you squander that opportunity, it's VERY likely that you'll regret doing so for the rest of your life.

None of this is meant to be a personal attack - I don't know you or anything about you - I'm simply giving you a reality check, and hopefully guiding you to the path that will give you the best possibility for a good outcome. The choices, as always, are up to you, but your choices will have very real consequences, and the clock is running.

RavVid · Accepted Answer

If things seem odd it is usually because they are odd.

Secondly what happens if you accuse an innocent and guilty partner of cheating? OMG! Exactly the same thing - they vehemently deny it!!! It is not worth bothering with the accusations - you are better off observing and making your mind up.

I find it better to outwardly accept lies than come back to it after a week or so. A liar will will enhance the story or get details different in the repeat whilst a truth teller will give it the same.

I am advocating that you be judge jury and executioner with this approach and the defendant doesn't get to say a word but see the first sentence again.

AsaKyo · Accepted Answer

Uh-huh, so I'm gonna be the outcast in the crowd and say that maybe you should find valid proof first before you make any hasty decisions. From what you said, you see him a few times a month or less, I think? So next time you see him, sit down and have a serious talk with him voicing your concerns. If he gets all defensive and offended by it, then that tells you right there that he's probably hiding something, so your concerns are valid. If he stays calm and collected and doesn't make a big deal over you voicing this stuff, then he may likely not be hiding anything, and you could be overreacting. Another thing is if he's on his phone a lot when he's with you. That could be a sign that he may be messaging someone else.

Based on what you have provided, that is all the advice I can truly give. Good luck, and I hope you find the answers to your concerns. I hope he really isn't cheating and that it is all a misunderstanding. If not, then I'm sorry and hope that you can find someone more faithful in the future.

Bethany22 · Accepted Answer

Long distance relationships aren't worth it anyway, and the fact that you're insecure about him long distance means things won't get much better even if you moved closer.

Guy13 · Answer

The term Long Distant Relationship and Boyfriend can and do not coexist. Because someone gives you attention does not mean you are dating. One has to be in the same time and place proximity to be Dating or Boy/Girlfriend.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Why are you dating someone you do not trust?

Simspawn · Answer

If you can't trust him call it off. Next, ask yourself if the lack of trust is because he wasn't trust worthy, or because you have trust issues. You mentioned catching him in lies, so I wonder why you don't see that as something worth calling the relationship off for. Either they weren't lies worth doing so, or you forgave them for some reason. Either way, not a good look for long term stability in the relationship. Either you are covering for his mistakes, or you are inventing them in your own head. If either case, just not a good look for long term success.

DubiousIntentions · Answer

Why do people need long distance relationships? If you can't find someone in your backyard you can trust, why on earth would you trust someone who could be married, have a girlfriend/boyfriend, or 100 other things that you are unable to check up on? It makes no sense to me. I'm pretty sure that 90% of LDR's fail anyway.

Being_a_good_Indian · Answer

So if worst comes to worst, here are signs to look out for that point to a partner who is cheating in an LDR. Your partner's always busy. Communication has gone quiet. They're hanging out with new friends but they're being vague or sneaky about it.  If you ask questions, your partner gets angry or defensive.

Fireguy17 · Answer

you need to talk to him about his lying to you, that cannot continue or all of your trust that you have in him will just erode away.
In my opinion, it has to stop now, or it is time to move on to someone that will not lie to you.
Usually, a person's gut instinct is pretty much spot on.

strlb · Answer

How long have you been together? You have choices; confront him or ignore it and continue to wonder if he is. I encourage you to confront him to get to the bottom of it so you're not continuing to lose sleep. Find someone that will not make you think twice. Best of luck to you. DM always open

LaFemmeFatale_1 · Answer

Try your best to make it a normal relationship instead of a long distance relationship, or the end will be painful…  They all end the same way…  I’ve been there my darling.

Lliam · Answer

Have you ever met him in person? Has he promised to be exclusive? If not, then he is a friend, not a boyfriend, and it's not cheating if he dates other women.

SnowedIn · Answer

End whatever this thing is. It's long distance. He's lied. Those are two red walls (way beyond flags). Find someone who doesn't lie and who is physically present in your life.

lightbulb27 · Answer

there's no content there... how long dating, is it committed?  He could be, but I've seen cases where the woman thought that and I believed the man was not cheating.  talk to him...

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

You have the gut feeling and I will say from what I've seen in LDR's... yup.  Buy a dildo. Tell him to get checked for STD's before you get back with him.

Jdjfjcjj · Answer

I don't believe LDR count as relationships in the first place but add in the doubt of his fidelity? I'd recommend you immediately move on from this situation.

Anonymous · Answer

Tell him ‘I need to talk to you she told me everything’ 😉 then see what he says either way dump him because how can you have a long distance relationship without trust, either way he’s a liar it’s just not worth it.

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

Why do you want to put up with someone who keeps lying. Whether he cheats or not, if he can't be truthful... why do you still want to be with him?

DeeDeeDeVour · Answer

Whether he cheated or not, you're probably well aware that LDRs often don't work. So, cut yourself loose already.

Bricealan · Answer

Next time you have sex, hide a razor blade in you bikinis, and when the moment is right threaten to cut his balls off if he doesn't confess.

BCA6010 · Answer

Cheating or not, the fact he's lying to you repeatedly is more than enough reason to leave.

rachel776 · Answer

every guy in ldr is going to cheat with a girl who's actually there

Finchie40 · Answer

Dump him , if you already know he is lying to you then kick him to the curb where he belongs

Nikki1989 · Answer

If you suspect something is happening, it usually is.

slatyb · Answer

Stop wasting your time and date locally. Or if there's no one, then consider moving.

LovingJo · Answer

Try and gather evidence, catch him out and/or confront him.

LiamJHayden · Answer

LDR's seem like a waste of time to me. Maybe a friendship, but a romance?

Angelo75 · Answer

Give him a "surprise" visit. Otherwise, just move on.

Anonymous · Answer

Cheat on him. That way if he is cheating you guys are even. And of it turns out he wasn't cheating... oh well, that's life

Anonymous · Answer

Break up, the lies are more than enough to demonstrate that you do not have a functioning healthy relationship.

NostalgiaSenpi · Answer

Best thing to do is break up with him. You already caught him in many lies, that's proof enough.

BarryLiverstone · Answer

Tbh stop the relationship. When will you see him irl?

Shy_Steve · Answer

I you cannot trust him then why do you want a Relationship with him? Let alone a long Distance one.

nawtee_me · Answer

if someone is lying to you then you need to either lie back at them or leave them the hell alone...

Anonymous · Answer

Lying is a great way to break trust with your partner. Once that trust is broken it’s incredibly hard to get back. Move on. You deserve better.

riverrat3 · Answer

People need to be touched, ldrs do not provide that

Anonymous · Answer

If you have strong enough evidence then I would end the relationship. I know that may be painful, but if you continue it will only hurt more.

driven159 · Answer

That is the issue with long distance relationships.

shanshu · Answer

Just end it and move on, you don't trust him, find someone new who is closer

TrillXHippy · Answer

If you caught him in lies many times that means you do have proof

Cheerfull009 · Answer

Really, same case with me, my distance girlfriend seems bluffing, me with lies, so let us leave them forever

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

What lies did you catch him in I need more information before I tell you what you need to do

Anonymous · Answer

Doesn't matter. This will resolve itself eventually.

Anonymous · Answer

Dump him for lying. Only an idiot would stay with a liar.

rienna888 · Answer

what did he lie about

Anonymous · Answer

You have an imaginary relationship.

MysteriousDarkness · Answer

What lies have you caught him and how?

Iron_Man · Answer

You need proof

BrookeS · Answer

I am having the same issues

darline19 · Answer

Trust your instict

Preeti161101 · Answer

Don't make allegations

msc545 · Answer

Don't date people you don't trust.

In_Trance · Answer

You put up with it or you move on

krin_m · Answer

May be you should move on!

boggboss · Answer

End things

Anonymous · Answer

i haven't but she cheated on me though

humanearth · Answer

Dump him

Sasha0426 · Answer

Just end it already

OddBeMe · Answer

Lies about what?

EaterPeter · Answer

Leave him

lpoots · Answer

dump him

Gentleman0 · Answer

Leave

I think my long distance boyfriend is cheating on me. I have no real proof, but I've caught him in lies many times. What should I do?

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I think my long distance boyfriend is cheating on me. I have no real proof, but I've caught him in lies many times. What should I do?

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