Cheating involves lying to another person which, for any relationship, is not something that should ever be encouraged.
That said, I engaged in an emotional affair however, it was never a secret to my wife because I kept convincing myself it was just a "friendship". My wife even met and knew my "friend". It wasn't until a year later before I accepted it was actually an affair.
Whatever damage the affair caused for me emotionally, it did, strangely, improve my marriage. My wife and I had chronic problems for years with boundaries, particularly with her parents. She wouldn't support or listen to me. My life revolved around her parents who belittled me and micromanaged my life's every decision. This left me very depressed with our relationship and my wife made no effort to change it.
Enter old friend and coworker who quickly exerted herself as my more "suitable" partner. I became very attached to her because she supported me in all the ways my wife wouldn't. It came to a point where I trusted my "friend" with all my major life decisions. I fell madly in love with her. She knew this and reciprocated.
My wife began wondering why I was so attached to my friend. My wife had zero interest in listening or helping me until she saw her man leaving her. She then made the commitment to create boundaries and I promised to terminate my "friendship".
The experience taught me marriage is a commitment and true love means letting go. Life is never easy, Coach.
No it’s not. Thanks for sharing
It's possible as long as both people in the relationship are okay with it. But not if it's cheating.
Here's one example. It was (is) not uncommon for affluent men, especially in certain European cultures, to keep mistresses. With the man's sexual/romantic needs being met, he was happier and more pleasant at home. Their wives knew about it but were satisfied to have the financial security of marriage.
The mistress was well kept and comfortable, but had no permanent security.
And, of course, it was always discrete and never flaunted in public, even if people knew about it.
Some wives had side lovers, too. Although that was probably way less common because of patriarchal social norms. A man didn't want to be mocked a cuckold. In order to pull it off, the wife would have to be very wealthy in her own right.
I guess it worked if the husband and wife weren't satisfied with their sexual relationships with each other but still loved each other and/or valued their financial agreements.
I don't think cheating is EVER okay. It is lying and betrayal. I think it's unforgivable. But it's possible that a mutual arrangement might work for some couples.
I mean, if one person longed for sex but their partner hated it, maybe a side piece would be a reasonable compromise. And it would be safer that resorting to prostitutes or random people who might have god only knows what kinds of diseases.
I want to see those supposed therapists degrees. What kind of bull is that?
Cheating does not strengthen a relationship: it makes you realize how much time you've wasted with said cheater, and make you lose all respect, trust, and feelings towards them.
Shame on those therapists that try to convince an obviously unhappy relationship that it's salvageable. If someone cheats, that's a sign to get out or move on...
I don’t think an affair can actually “save” a marriage.. is there some cases where the relationship can be “repaired” after cheating/ affair…but people already having relationship issues and therapist suggesting they go have an affair to save the relationship should have their license yanked and their head examined (by a therapist other then themselves 🤣)
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I would just look at that dude... say nothing... and walk-the-fuck out of that office. Because that therapist doesn't know shit. I do not want to hear a damn thing that therapist has to suggest. He has just revealed himself to have some fucked-up ideas that I think are repugnant. His views have just become irrelevant to me. He has just given up 100% of his credibility with me. What a crock of shit.
You know what's good for a drug problem? Shooting heroin. Get the fuck outta here with that ridiculous bullshit. These therapists should be forced to go see a goddamn therapist. This is so freaking stupid.
lol. lol
u I would suspect that any therapist who made that statement had, themselves, had an affair and were only trying to rationalize their own errant behavior.
Could be for sure.
If that worldview was accurate, in anyway, then there would be no divorces or prenuptial as "affairs" are a part of a good marriage and therapeutic for all... That's the 3some argument now and someone is trying to get their Fair Share of income via a book.
Affairs which violate the trust of the parties are a bad idea, end of story.
If you are talking about after the affect sure. I saw one such case where after multiple affairs, he was caught and it forced him to make changes, stop BSing people and own up to a lot of problems. The women stuck it out with him, for whatever her reason... possibly religious.
In that regard, maybe it did, stress in essence, like any workout can make you stronger. But you don't want to go risking your neck to get a good workout...
So don't be stupid...
Yes, I believe there are times when an affair can rescue a marriage or relationship.
An example of this would be say...
You've drifted apart over the years. There is a tremendous amount of tension under the surface of the relationship. a lot of things are being avoided and left unsaid that need to be said. You've both become lazy and complacent.
One partner, or another cheats. Or even lets say both people cheat. Someone one of you finds out.
This leads you to couples therapy. Everything that's gone unsaid finally finds an opportunity to be brought to the surface and you both make the active decision to try and bring some effort back into the relationship and make things better...
So, again, Yes. I believe there are times when an affair can rescue a marriage or relationship but more so as way of bring attention to a problem and not as an actual solution.
It can make me strong enough to leave the cheating mf
LOL. I love pepsi
That depends on what you mean by "stronger" - if that means less likely to divorce, then yes in some cases since the extra relationship often takes the place of satisfaction with the partner. Usually, as long as women are getting the money they don't mind.
No different really then a guy who has lost sexual desire for his wife and checks out a strip club and gets all riled up and reconnects physically with his wife afterwards. Can't imagine though the lasting effect.
In my case getting cheated on did save the relationship and helped me personally to snap out of self-pitying myself and stop ignoring her and making her feel like crap.
I wasn't giving my fair share and being only a taker, it was just natural she'd need to get what I refused to give her from someone else. The moment I snapped out of it and cleaned up my act she ended the affair.
u If anything, it's the resiliency of and the choices a couple makes in the aftermath, how they recover, how they address what may have led to the affair, and most importantly, if the guilty party sincerely repents and amends his or her life accordingly.
It's not the affair itself. If anyone does think so, it's because they're a degenerate and perverted moron.
Once trust inside a relationship has been broken it is next to impossible to regain, and those therapists who believe an affair can rescue a marriage or relationship and even make it stronger are usually women or men who have been trained by the American Psychological Association (APA) who always take the women's side and try to persuade men to take their wives back as it is women who have the majority of affairs and they have been having them for the majority of their married years.
https://nypost.com/2023/03/08/why-more-women-than-ever-are-cheating-on-their-husbands/
Women bad got it lol
Not always , but they seem to be having more affairs than in the past, and the husband would never be able to get the though of his wife having sex with another man or woman out of his mind, once trust is gone its gone.
I do not care what any expert has to say about situations that is none of their business.
For me it could never work. The end.
If someone wanted to have an affair while being with me, they should be honest and tell me as soon as possible, in order not to continue wasting more time. I would for sure do the same.
Most are told that is the issue.
Anything if possible if you mean that the marriage is going to end anyways and this is a last ditch thing to save it.
Worse thing that will happen is what was going to happen anyways.
I simply can't figure out a way that it could save a marriage though, unless someone goes to the brink and realizes what they have and then comes back and tries harder to fix their problems, assuming that both will work towards fixing them.
those who do not own up their mistakes will always come up with excuses.
good one!
failed!!
it reminds me of some girls said.. I didn’t cheat…I don’t know what happened…it just slipped in 🤦♀️
Yeah, right, for cuckolds it definitely does. Degeneracy.
lol. lol
If cheating was the only way for me to salvage a relationship - I think I'd just prefer to end it. I prefer open communication with my partner, for the better or worse, if they want multiple of partners, then we're simply not compatible and that is alright.
I have never heard of a therapist actually suggesting an affair. I think their role would be to work on counseling the couple if the affair had already occurred. There are supposedly some "swinging lifestyle" type couples who say that being able to switch partners occasionally, helps their marriage. But I highly doubt that a therapist would actually suggest that.
Well, you're poisoned with quicksilver and you decide to eat lead sulfate to improve your health.
Your horse lies death on the ground, you beat it because you want ride it.
I think these analogies fit to improvement of a dead relationship with cheating.
Our marriage counselor told us that people can find a 'fault' in just about everyone they look at, and in the end, go from one 'imperfect' person to another "imperfect" person. I know those that have had several affairs and the marriage held together, until one died.
A break from a relationship can be quite nice. It can give you the headspace to realise what you're truly looking for in a partner.
But seeing other people? Nah. That's a cheater or a polyamorous person in denial. And yes there's a difference. For one, a polyamorous person knows and should know their boundaries and how it can never be one sided.
You can't have your cake and eat it too.
Well @coachTanthony I will call bullsh! t on this one. I had dealings with one of those types years ago. in my opinion they had more unsolved issues then I ever had.
Trying to keep an open mind, but I think maybe if it was an open relationship maybe they would see who they really want to be with by actually being with someone else, but other than that cheating is never really been a good thing
I believe that there are rare cases where a couple can save their marriage after an affair if they're willing to put in the work.
However I don't believe for even one second that an affair can save the marriage. The saving part can happen with just therapy without needing an affair to make them realise they need couples counseling.
Yes and no. Depends on many factors. If you're a high value man and you cheat on a woman it will make her step her game up and want to fuck your brains out usually in my experience anyways.
If your boyfriend is a total loser cuck pos he will probably like it too or so I hear.
Other than those two instances fuck no.
I think there are a small number of situations where this could be true. It's very specific but I do think for the rare few something like this could save a relationship
I question the logic behind that but whatever…
I disagree, but only because I see that kind of act is unforgivable.
There might be times for others, but not if I am one of the partners in the couple. She cheats, I'm done.
🤣bruh.. if my relationship is so bad, i need to date someone else to fix it.
It's time to end that relationship 🤣
Yes exactly. When someone can't meet your EVERY need you should just end it and find someone else who says then can until they can't of course then you can end that one too. lol
Many simply ignore the affair because they aren't interested in them anymore sexually but everything else is great.
Your parents never stepped out? How would you know? You think they telling you if they has some secret affair or fling with someone at work or whatever? It's ignorant at best to think it can't happen and if it does people should just split up. That's not real life or the real world.
It not real life to think its normal to cheat on each other. It's not realistic to think that this is in anyway fixing the marriage or relationship. It's not it is still broken. And instead of admitting it is broken or trying to fix the problem with eachother, you go well fuck it. Let's just have someone else give it to us. That isn't fixing anything. That is introducing someone else to a already broken relationship. That always goes well
That is weird and disturbing.
No i know my parents would never do that and they are always home, and when they go out it is together.
They would be literally no time that would have happened.
Nobody is claiming it's normal. Nobody is saying it fixes the marriage. Nobody is suggesting cheating solves anything. The experience of an affair itself sometimes sheds light on what one might not be doing or is missing in the relationship. They can then go back and reflect on what they were doing wrong. In your world and the words you use you are absolutely right. Who wouldn't be when stated the way you do. You can open your mind or simply say it's weird and disturbing. Just giving you the thought process of relationships that are not like your mother's and fathers. And congrats they have never gone through anything.
I am never going to accept my partner stepping out on me.
If they feel the need to do that. It's over. That is a relationship that is too broken. I have no problem working on fixing problems, but that is not an option.
And i am fine with compromise but this. Nope.
They could end up having sex with them. Potentially impregnate them, catch a std, that now i will have if we do have sex again. That person could become obessed with them and cause drama in my life that i don't want or need.
No thank you. If we can't fix things without cheating, then our relationship has far too much wrong with it.
I mean that all sounds wonderful. I wish you the best with that. Appreciate the comments.
They are full of shit. A betrayal espicially by a woman means the marriage is over it just maybe hasn't ended yet.
maybe that is true. i don't know. but if cheating or having an affair is what's necessary to resque the relaitonship, then this relationship doesn't have value to me. cause to me, loyalty is one of the carrying pillars of a good relationship.
I don't think cheating helps but maybe an open marriage may help if both agree, maybe on a temp basis just to get that change of scenery out their system.
It's not secret even when you've been in a marriage for awhile that your eyes start to wonder even if you still remain faithful, this goes for wife aswell as husband
Maybe when two polyamorics are dating each other.
Into consider the person who got cheated on is probably financially contributing to that therapy session.
Those "therapists" can suck my cock!!!
Startling behavior coming from you man.
@coachTanthony How so? Were you expecting a different answer?
I expected strong disapproval but not with such a pedestrian vulgarity. Well done!
@OlderAndWiser Lmao. Sorry about that! 😆
No apology needed!
There is no time when having an affair will rescue a marriage. In all cases it will destroy all trust in a relationship.
Baloney!
That "therapist" ain't gonna be therapist for long.
I was with the same woman for 14 years and for three of those years, she had a boyfriend. I'm think it helped spice up our relationship
I will keep this short. Any relationship that can be saved by cheating is not worth saving.
Not sire I can see uow an affair can help a marriage.
Probably not if nits behind the partners back but if its an agreed situation I can see it.
They’re only saying that because they had an affair. And they’re trying to get everyone else to agree.
Sounds horrible but I agree kinda along the lines of you don't know what you've got til it's gone or in this case almost gone
Let me know ladies, I can help if you need some outside sex.
I call Satanists! They want you to be a slave of Sin’s, NO MEME, NO MEME, NO MEME, NO MEME, NOOO MEME!!
Seems like the therapist secretary doesn’t like them much
You're so full of $hite. No one believes that except you
Lmao no more bait 🤣💀
Not any relationship of mine.
It definitely didn’t help mine.
I didn’t have an affair, I was very loyal. But I suspect probably he had and that’s why he left, otherwise why’d he leave a fiancée , who he has been with for well over 3 years.
In my case it ended the relationship. I dumped her as soon as I found out and never looked back.
An emotional affair may help, but a physical one cannot
Everything is possible.
If a therapist told me that I’d demand a new one.
Getting past hardships together can certainly save and/or strengthen a relationship, but not when one of the partners purposely causes that hardship in the first place.
Only if the guy has the affair.. if the women does it then she needs to be gone...
That never works.
There nothing like Christian forgiveness
Not for me as I’m very observant
Fake news. I highly doubt that's true
Stand for something just don't doubt.
I strongly disagree.
Love Gabriel Byrne…
Not at all.
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