Cheating involves lying to another person which, for any relationship, is not something that should ever be encouraged.
That said, I engaged in an emotional affair however, it was never a secret to my wife because I kept convincing myself it was just a "friendship". My wife even met and knew my "friend". It wasn't until a year later before I accepted it was actually an affair.
Whatever damage the affair caused for me emotionally, it did, strangely, improve my marriage. My wife and I had chronic problems for years with boundaries, particularly with her parents. She wouldn't support or listen to me. My life revolved around her parents who belittled me and micromanaged my life's every decision. This left me very depressed with our relationship and my wife made no effort to change it.
Enter old friend and coworker who quickly exerted herself as my more "suitable" partner. I became very attached to her because she supported me in all the ways my wife wouldn't. It came to a point where I trusted my "friend" with all my major life decisions. I fell madly in love with her. She knew this and reciprocated.
My wife began wondering why I was so attached to my friend. My wife had zero interest in listening or helping me until she saw her man leaving her. She then made the commitment to create boundaries and I promised to terminate my "friendship".
The experience taught me marriage is a commitment and true love means letting go. Life is never easy, Coach.
It's possible as long as both people in the relationship are okay with it. But not if it's cheating.
Here's one example. It was (is) not uncommon for affluent men, especially in certain European cultures, to keep mistresses. With the man's sexual/romantic needs being met, he was happier and more pleasant at home. Their wives knew about it but were satisfied to have the financial security of marriage.
The mistress was well kept and comfortable, but had no permanent security.
And, of course, it was always discrete and never flaunted in public, even if people knew about it.
Some wives had side lovers, too. Although that was probably way less common because of patriarchal social norms. A man didn't want to be mocked a cuckold. In order to pull it off, the wife would have to be very wealthy in her own right.
I guess it worked if the husband and wife weren't satisfied with their sexual relationships with each other but still loved each other and/or valued their financial agreements.
I don't think cheating is EVER okay. It is lying and betrayal. I think it's unforgivable. But it's possible that a mutual arrangement might work for some couples.
I mean, if one person longed for sex but their partner hated it, maybe a side piece would be a reasonable compromise. And it would be safer that resorting to prostitutes or random people who might have god only knows what kinds of diseases.
I want to see those supposed therapists degrees. What kind of bull is that?
Cheating does not strengthen a relationship: it makes you realize how much time you've wasted with said cheater, and make you lose all respect, trust, and feelings towards them.
Shame on those therapists that try to convince an obviously unhappy relationship that it's salvageable. If someone cheats, that's a sign to get out or move on...
I don’t think an affair can actually “save” a marriage.. is there some cases where the relationship can be “repaired” after cheating/ affair…but people already having relationship issues and therapist suggesting they go have an affair to save the relationship should have their license yanked and their head examined (by a therapist other then themselves 🤣)
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I would just look at that dude... say nothing... and walk-the-fuck out of that office. Because that therapist doesn't know shit. I do not want to hear a damn thing that therapist has to suggest. He has just revealed himself to have some fucked-up ideas that I think are repugnant. His views have just become irrelevant to me. He has just given up 100% of his credibility with me. What a crock of shit.
You know what's good for a drug problem? Shooting heroin. Get the fuck outta here with that ridiculous bullshit. These therapists should be forced to go see a goddamn therapist. This is so freaking stupid.
u I would suspect that any therapist who made that statement had, themselves, had an affair and were only trying to rationalize their own errant behavior.
If that worldview was accurate, in anyway, then there would be no divorces or prenuptial as "affairs" are a part of a good marriage and therapeutic for all... That's the 3some argument now and someone is trying to get their Fair Share of income via a book.
Affairs which violate the trust of the parties are a bad idea, end of story.
If you are talking about after the affect sure. I saw one such case where after multiple affairs, he was caught and it forced him to make changes, stop BSing people and own up to a lot of problems. The women stuck it out with him, for whatever her reason... possibly religious.
In that regard, maybe it did, stress in essence, like any workout can make you stronger. But you don't want to go risking your neck to get a good workout...
So don't be stupid...
Yes, I believe there are times when an affair can rescue a marriage or relationship.
An example of this would be say...
You've drifted apart over the years. There is a tremendous amount of tension under the surface of the relationship. a lot of things are being avoided and left unsaid that need to be said. You've both become lazy and complacent.
One partner, or another cheats. Or even lets say both people cheat. Someone one of you finds out.
This leads you to couples therapy. Everything that's gone unsaid finally finds an opportunity to be brought to the surface and you both make the active decision to try and bring some effort back into the relationship and make things better...
So, again, Yes. I believe there are times when an affair can rescue a marriage or relationship but more so as way of bring attention to a problem and not as an actual solution.
It can make me strong enough to leave the cheating mf
That depends on what you mean by "stronger" - if that means less likely to divorce, then yes in some cases since the extra relationship often takes the place of satisfaction with the partner. Usually, as long as women are getting the money they don't mind.
In my case getting cheated on did save the relationship and helped me personally to snap out of self-pitying myself and stop ignoring her and making her feel like crap.
I wasn't giving my fair share and being only a taker, it was just natural she'd need to get what I refused to give her from someone else. The moment I snapped out of it and cleaned up my act she ended the affair.
u If anything, it's the resiliency of and the choices a couple makes in the aftermath, how they recover, how they address what may have led to the affair, and most importantly, if the guilty party sincerely repents and amends his or her life accordingly.
It's not the affair itself. If anyone does think so, it's because they're a degenerate and perverted moron.
I do not care what any expert has to say about situations that is none of their business.
For me it could never work. The end.
If someone wanted to have an affair while being with me, they should be honest and tell me as soon as possible, in order not to continue wasting more time. I would for sure do the same.
Once trust inside a relationship has been broken it is next to impossible to regain, and those therapists who believe an affair can rescue a marriage or relationship and even make it stronger are usually women or men who have been trained by the American Psychological Association (APA) who always take the women's side and try to persuade men to take their wives back as it is women who have the majority of affairs and they have been having them for the majority of their married years.
https://nypost.com/2023/03/08/why-more-women-than-ever-are-cheating-on-their-husbands/
Anything if possible if you mean that the marriage is going to end anyways and this is a last ditch thing to save it.
Worse thing that will happen is what was going to happen anyways.
I simply can't figure out a way that it could save a marriage though, unless someone goes to the brink and realizes what they have and then comes back and tries harder to fix their problems, assuming that both will work towards fixing them.
those who do not own up their mistakes will always come up with excuses.
good one!
failed!!
it reminds me of some girls said.. I didn’t cheat…I don’t know what happened…it just slipped in 🤦♀️
Yeah, right, for cuckolds it definitely does. Degeneracy.
If cheating was the only way for me to salvage a relationship - I think I'd just prefer to end it. I prefer open communication with my partner, for the better or worse, if they want multiple of partners, then we're simply not compatible and that is alright.
I have never heard of a therapist actually suggesting an affair. I think their role would be to work on counseling the couple if the affair had already occurred. There are supposedly some "swinging lifestyle" type couples who say that being able to switch partners occasionally, helps their marriage. But I highly doubt that a therapist would actually suggest that.
Well, you're poisoned with quicksilver and you decide to eat lead sulfate to improve your health.
Your horse lies death on the ground, you beat it because you want ride it.
I think these analogies fit to improvement of a dead relationship with cheating.
Our marriage counselor told us that people can find a 'fault' in just about everyone they look at, and in the end, go from one 'imperfect' person to another "imperfect" person. I know those that have had several affairs and the marriage held together, until one died.
A break from a relationship can be quite nice. It can give you the headspace to realise what you're truly looking for in a partner.
But seeing other people? Nah. That's a cheater or a polyamorous person in denial. And yes there's a difference. For one, a polyamorous person knows and should know their boundaries and how it can never be one sided.
You can't have your cake and eat it too.
Well @coachTanthony I will call bullsh! t on this one. I had dealings with one of those types years ago. in my opinion they had more unsolved issues then I ever had.
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