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21Opinion
Marriage doesn't benefit women. It's high time we realise that.
Luckily, married women in India are very clever.
The educated ones are at least.
They use the husband's family, aka her in laws as daycare. Not only that, they get away with domestic unpaid labor too, there are a few men who are surprisingly emphatic to their working wives. What can I say? Some men understand economy is bad and a working wife is better option.
@EmmaMary tagging you because you wanted to learn about Indian culture.
I remember both my parents working, mom still had more on her plate. She's a conservative, need I say more?
@anon1903
Thank you so much for tagging me, it's very much appreciated and indeed extremely interesting reading.
It certainly would appear that Indian women are definitely more "switch on" than I thought, for which I sincerely apologise for.
We're lucky in the sense that both our parents are always "tossing a coin" to see who's going to win in looking after our three year old little boy, and who's taking our almost five month old daughter out in her pushchair for a long walk.
Both parents were more than happy in the daycare duties before I fell pregnant (planned) with our daughter... Hopefully fingers crossed, this will start again when I return to work later this year.
You're welcome. I hope things work out for you guys!
Position of women has been really messed up here. I think then some women figured a way out of this. Nowadays traditional wives are only seen in Indian soap operas. If possible, you should watch one.
You'd feel ten times better at being born anywhere but HERE!
@anon1903
Thank you again, and naturally we will be keeping everything crossed that our wonderful "unpaid staff" will be on hand to take the reigns once more.
Lmfao
@anon1903
Gosh... I'm truly so sorry to read this horror story and the awful dilemma you now find yourselves in.
Sadly with the world's economy as it is, there is certainly no light at the end of the tunnel for the foreseeable future.
I'm probably gonna get a girlfriend and move abroad. Dw.
I got this
Marriage doesn't benefit anyone, it's high time we realize that.
It benefits men. At least in india. I can't speak for all cultures.
@anon1903
Along with my family, we wish you all the luck in the world in realising your dreams and for your future happiness. ❤
Thanks, Emma!
@zeitgeist057
Well my husband and I certainly have no complaints whatsoever... Thank you.
@EmmaMary I guess there are always exceptions to the rule. I sort of was just speaking in terms of what anon1903 was saying that it doesn't work for women, in that it also doesn't work for (many) men, and it's not about gender that marriage is broken. I do realize there are a minority of people who get married, stay married, and actually enjoy being married.
Happy it's working well for you, for now, though.
@zeitgeist057 it IS A broken institute. But men still reap benefits.
@zeitgeist057 Happy it's working well for you, *** for now ***, though.
TF? 😂
@anon1903 as do women. You say above that the clever ones use in laws as free daycare, etc. There are many women who run the relationship, do very little, and work the man to death. I have seen it firsthand, they party and spend all the money and hire help to do the chores, nannies for the kids, &c. If they are a poor couple, then this won't happen of course. But I've seen both genders also reap sorrow and hardship as well.
I understand what you are saying about men reaping benefits but honestly I don't see that as much of a benefit at all, to have free housecleaning and sex? If there is no love in the relationship, I'd rather be single than have that, it would be gross and a sad life for the man as well. They are both sad people in that situation, not just the woman, even if it looks like the man is "getting something" there he is sacrificing his life and his soul for an empty existence.
@zeitgeist057
Thank you for you very kind wishes which are very much appreciated.
You do I hope realise that @anon1903 has been referring more to life and marriage within the Indian culture/community, than in general.
This year my parents are celebrating their Ruby wedding, which hopefully through sheer "hard work" and happy compromises, we will emulate one day.
@EmmaMary you probably had some good modeling from your parents (I don't know what Ruby is, but I assume it's a long time :) , which likely helps you have a healthy marriage yourself.
As for @anon1903 and Indian culture, I have only seen a little bit of it but it does seem to be excessively misogynist and patriarchal. Lots of stories about rape and disrespect of women. Though as I said in my previous reply, I really don't think that "benefits" men as much as one might think. Being a rapist for example, doesn't mean you are happy and living a good life, even if you "got sex" from someone, you are still a miserable human. Same if one is in a marriage making one person a slave to the other, they are both gonna be miserable.
Visit India sometime. You'll get what I'm talking about.
Men are gods here.
Women are goddesses, unless they can't conceive, cook, clean, baby their man up, submit, replace the housekeeper... Then she's probably worse than housemat. No exaggeration.
@zeitgeist057
Ruby = 40 Years.
Stop lying about India, marriage is also highly beneficial for Indian women even more than for western. The majority of women still don't have jobs in India and the majority of relationships are traditional. Women get the benefits of traditional relationships too. They can get married without the necessity of having any jobs, or education and get provided for the rest of their life. Surely they have to do the housework as in traditional relationships.
However, in well-off households, the work pressure is way less than in western women. They get free babysitting from relatives, and maids, and cook housework and cooking. Most girls in middle-class to high-end families have to do almost no work. Compared to that a western woman has to work way hard for her family as they cannot afford those.
This is one of the reasons Indian couples and people complain so much about having to do much work while in western countries.
Men aren't gods in India unless you are from deep-rooted cow belt states. Most eastern states are female-dominated and south India is to an extent.
@zeitgeist057 try to search for content rather than fox news and you'll see the reality. The US has way more rape cases per 1 million people than India. However, 50% of them are false. Women lodge false rape cases against men in case of just break up. However, I do agree actual cases happen a lot too. India is not homogenous like the US, the north, south, and eastern states are highly different and many in many states females are family heads.
Women get way more benefits from the government than in any western country. Free education, money and scholarships from the government, reservations and free rides on public transport and so much more. Indian women are suppressed in general is also a lie, maybe that's true in very rural areas of some conservative states but not in general. As per recent surveys, Indian women has 3 times more sexual partner than men.
If we compare the recent abortion ban, death penalty, or jail for women in cases of abortion and the racist bills republicans bring to legislation, even terrible countries will sound better.
If you think I am lying, I can give more than enough evidence
https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-38796457
@Manab seems pretty safe /s a quick search shows heaps of people who have been assaulted. In fact one of the first videos I saw searching "how women are treated in India" was pretty much spot on what my perception of Indian men is : https://youtu.be/Tlrpg9u1d0w
aggressive, disrespectful, assaulted this woman. Everyone there knows, there's no lying about it. They are all telling her "don't go out" "it's not safe" , and she wouldn't go out after dark. It's ridiculous to say this is a fabrication or Fox News specific (which I don't watch, I don't watch any TV/news channel) the info I get is from people and direct observation. I would never go to India and it blows me away that women actually want to go there, since most come back with their yogi retreat delusions shattered after seeing the filth and experiencing the misogyny.
https://youtu.be/cUHcxVV29QA
https://youtu.be/cUHcxVV29QA
and heaps more videos. Comments from viewers:
"Even as an indian it's true
Even the natives aren't safe"
"’I'm an Indian girl and this is relatable. What an awful experience."
"When I myself as a native Indian woman don't feel safe in my own country, how can I expect a female tourist from another country to feel safe? It's very sad."
" had this exact same experience in Sri Lanka."
"if you're planning to visit India , do not come alone and bring some kind of protection."
"So glad to see Indians being honest about the dangers!"
"As an Indian, Delhi is the most unsafe city for women."
Defense lawyer for rapist: "In India, we cannot allow women of our household to go outside after dark"
Plenty of evidence all over, I don't need the single false accusation case you were able to find under all the reality.
Couldn't find any videos of how women are honored like goddesses in my quick "how women are treated in India" , but I only browsed the first 30 or so and they were all negative.
@zeitgeist057 this is from north India as I have said earlier. You don't have to come to India, I work in the science field and people from Harvard, and Princeton visit and yale visit me and vice versa so I don't care much about ordinary US citizens based views. Rape cases are 5-6 times higher in the US and very often we get to hear about women missing, Gabby Petito alike. I have many US friends male and female, and the female always complains about how terrible US men are, and how terrible and misogynistic are republicans. Everyone has seen Trump's misogynistic talks and actions. Everyone knows Delhi is a problematic city. Most foreigners visit north India as those places are the typical conservative Indian culture and they try to show off to the world to people like you. I am from eastern India and this state has more than 6 nobel laureates, Oscars, and other international prize winners than most US states and is voted the safest city for women.
If we compared it to those living in Texas, Wyoming, Florida, Arkansas, Missouri, and India will seem like heaven for women.
Western YouTubers purposefully go too deeply troubled places for popularity. It's like going to the playboy club for finding women's empowerment, or conservative republican states where they jail doctors for helping women.
@Manab good points, it's a large country with many different areas, and youtubers/news/media does tend to look for the worst situations which make for the most viewer engagement. I do travel a lot, so if I do decide to go to India I will consider the regional effect, and that there may be pleasant pockets. Of course, your comment also reeks of another factor that adds to my distaste for what I have heard and seen of Indian culture: the hierarchal caste system. "I don't care for the opinions or to be visited by commoners, I have elite associates who I value above others. Ordinary scum need not apply." If that's a common attitude in all areas of India, it's another cultural experience I can do without. I am already familiar with people who believe disparaging and belittling others makes them superior, when in fact it illuminates the shallow and puerile nature of their ego.
@zeitgeist057 caste-based discrimination is strictly illegal in India, the situation is similar to the conditions of white and colored individuals in the west. Just as you can see so much discrimination against black people in the west, you can see caste-based discrimination too in various parts of the country, and again it's the lowest in the east. Western visitors just don't like eastern India as they don't reflect the stereotypical maharaja, palace cultures that are showcased in the west. However, the situation of lower caste people is way way better than people of color in the west. They get 50% reservations in education and job sectors. Huge numbers of scholarships and monetary help from the government, almost little to no examination fees and half cut off marks on government exams and so much more. I am pretty sure if western governments do that, white people will start rioting.
However, I do agree that I am maybe biased toward highly educated western people. As I generally am friends or only meet those, and secondly highly educated individuals are well-read and tend to visit the actual places so they don't start arguments like you started earlier based on some random youtube videos.
@Manab That's good to hear, I'm glad that there is at least a semblance of working towards equality much like the struggle we have in the west. As to your biases, it's true, not everyone is privileged enough to spend a couple thousand dollars and take a few weeks vacation in order to have the right to an opinion. I've spent many years abroad in various countries of my choosing, but as I mentioned, India doesn't have much appeal based on the information I've gathered about it thus far. This was not limited to the quick search yielding YouTube videos about people's predominately negative experiences there. Your misunderstanding (or irrational jab?) that I "started an argument based on... random youtube videos" shows a lack of reading comprehension on your part. Re-read the conversation and try to identify which came first: my impressions of India, or the supporting evidence from many other people posting about their negative experiences. Hint: the posts are in chronological order. If you're still having trouble, have one of your educated friends explain it to you.
Theyre the ones who buy the knickknacks that need to be dusted. As for dishes. you could use disposable ones
Do a lot of men marry women who earn far more than them?
No, because most women do not want to work. They want the job of being mom.
I don't remember meeting any woman who didn't want an income of their own
Most of them want an income, but most do not want a job. I wish this were not the case, career driven women are the best. I don't want kids, so paying her part of my paycheck just so she can clean up her own messes at home is very unappealing to me.
By income I also meant career.
There are a lot of women who give up so much in their lives for their career
Not really, most women are stay at home types, being career driven is far more common in men.
I don't know, from what I see around me men are mostly lazy and it's the women who is usually focused on their career
Its the opposite here unfortunately.
Because his health
Yeah, it probably would
Good thing I do some housekeeping myself.
More whining from the princess.
Things that never happened for 200$
I don’t mind