I know this is messed up , but based off of my experiences with girls through the years , what is actually normal these days? the girls’ that are already in relationships and the ones that lie about being in relationships already, I feel I have better chemistry and connection with them. At this point in my life , honesty is the only thing that makes me really attracted to a girl , mainly from all the bullshit and drama girls’ have put me through that took me For granted and backstabbed me , so If she is honest with me , she has a way better chance of winning my heart. Now the ones that lie about being in a relationship might get me in bed , but I will not commit to them , if I find out they are already in a relationship with someone else cuz she lied and cheated on her husband or boyfriend with me , but The ones that are honest about being in a relationship that are unhappy, I kind of put myself in their shoes and feel them out and try to understand where they are coming from , even though I know it’s wrong I try to help her in her relationship She will show up on my doorstep wearing sexy lingerie wanting me to fuck
her brains out , When I was younger, I would say no way to girls like this , but now that I am older , I don’t really give a fuck and realize that’s her problem , I am still a little nervous about her partner finding out but again that’s her problem not mine , I don’t care what anyone says because I used to deny this shit , to the point I realized I was kicking myself in the ass for not banging these girls , Now that I do , it’s like these girl’s are best friends to me, judge me all you want , but Life’s to short to worry about if someone is going to cheat on you or not , can we honestly trust each other? When it comes to single Girls it’s like single girls have 100 guys to choose from and they constantly play games , and you should see the bullshit that comes from a single girl compared to a girl that’s in a relationship prove me wrong?
her brains out , When I was younger, I would say no way to girls like this , but now that I am older , I don’t really give a fuck and realize that’s her problem , I am still a little nervous about her partner finding out but again that’s her problem not mine , I don’t care what anyone says because I used to deny this shit , to the point I realized I was kicking myself in the ass for not banging these girls , Now that I do , it’s like these girl’s are best friends to me, judge me all you want , but Life’s to short to worry about if someone is going to cheat on you or not , can we honestly trust each other? When it comes to single Girls it’s like single girls have 100 guys to choose from and they constantly play games , and you should see the bullshit that comes from a single girl compared to a girl that’s in a relationship prove me wrong?
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
Let me preface this response by saying up-front that I'm a Christian and so the following advice is most likely thousands of years old. I would suggest that if you are asking a question publically on a website, you may be straying over into the desperation area and perhaps a new perspective is what you need. This is about advice, not about how you live your life. That's between God and you, not you and me. If you want your life to change then you have to change your life. If you want something different then you have to do something different. Einstien said (paraphrase) "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
As a guy, I know that the first thing I notice about a women is how she looks and how attractive she is. I probably spend more time than I should taking in all that delicious eye candy. I'm not somehow immune to my own desires as a Christian, I just have other tools at my disposal to deal with my own desires. Some of what we call "chemistry" is just two people finding each other attractive and wanting to just get naked and freaky. This chemistry, I feel, lasts only as long as we enjoy having sex with that other person.
I feel the real problem is that sex has become de-valued. Hang on, now follow me on this. If there is someone in a relationship, most people will put sex on the back-burner out of respect for the couple. (at least initially) This puts us into a frame of mind where we are focused on getting to know the other person and we can draw closer to them. So it seems to me that it's always going to be easier to get to know someone if they are in a relationship because sex takes a back seat. It also seems to reason that if there is someone already in a relationship and they are willing to cheat, then the value of a relationship is less important than having sex. (this goes both ways) We get this idea in our head that the goal is some amazing sex. When you have both parties that are just out to get it on with each other, true connections take a back seat for something that's built primarily on a physical encounter. Long term quality relationships have balance between the physical, emotional, and personal. Really getting to know someone takes time and it's not just about "feeling" connected. Generally (women feel free to correct me) women focus less on physicality and more on the person you are. Women like to connect with people and when they are feeling lonley or down, sex is the easiest way to feel better and feel like someone cares about you, if only for a short time. Guys do it too but I feel that women don't see sex the same way guys do and so what we think is creating a "connection" with someone might just be a quick fix for a women. (sometimes it's the other way around too) Keep in mind that this is not ALL women and not ALL men.
Now I could get into the whole deal about how God want's us to wait till marriage, and that the best way for a couple to grow is to focus on him together but I know that there is a whole generation out there that doesn't see the value in this wisdom. So while I would suggest that this is the best way to find quality, for those that aren't interested in following God's word, I would suggest that you try 6 months. So.. here is the challenge. When you meet someone new, you don't do anything physical with them for 6 months after meeting. No sex, no kissing and only brief hugging. Always have dates in a public place and never meet at either of your houses and don't ever "go inside for just a second". Focus on becoming good friends first. Get to know the other person before you know the color of thier undies. *grin*
I don't think it's likely you can have it both ways. I don't feel you can have as much sex as you want with whomeever you want and still somehow find a long-term quality relationship. When I say long-term quality, I'm talking about something that lasts years, not months.
Drew I love your reply and I completely agree with you on a lot of it , the things is I was already married to a girl that was my best friend that was my one and only , a girl that i thought would spend the rest of my life by my side , she was my everything the mother of my children , I am so old school when it comes to commitment and relationships to the point that old school relationships today seem like a thing of the past , I blame a lot of it on social media for playing a part with screwing with how people use to be, My ex was the best thing I could ask for before she got addicted to Facebook and Instagram , secretly flirting with a co worker and ended up having an affair with him , luckily I busted her meeting him at the hotel but my heart was shattered , my trust in love went down the tubes at that time , so eventually entering back into the dating world I was in complete shock on how people have changed and the way people were more selfish and backstabbing and cheating on each other to the point I felt like just giving up on relationships all together , but I still have faith in God and feel like there is a reason I am still here on Earth , I believe love does exist but to actually find it God puts us through so many trials and tribulations to finally bring someone into our lives that will love us like no other , That’s the hope I still have , so even though I am no holy roller I have faith in God , and I believe the more I give the more I will receive , cuz we can’t force someone to love us all we can do is give and treat someone the same way we want to receive in return , So many people marry for the wrong reasons , when I am with a married girl that is unhappy and miserable with her husband that treats her like total shit , to me she is crying for help she is expressing her emotions to me and I am giving her all the advice I can, I see where she is coming from so yes I am more acceptive of giving her what she wants and deserves
Is it wrong? Absolutely , but is it wrong for me to turn down an attractive girl that wants to be in my arms that wants to please me when she has a partner that doesn’t give 2 shits about her? I don’t think I am wrong I feel like I am helping her in a way ,
I used to wonder the same in college— why i had the best connections with guys who i later found out were taken. Thankfully i never slept with them. But i then realized it was my fault. I never did the #1 thing which was ask if they had a girl. I just assumed they didn't because i always saw them alone and wrapped up in their books and i loved they about them since i was a nerd myself. We’d flirt and spend lots of time together and things would get close to progressing and then i’d do my research... one dude was freshly engaged. I didn't confront him but distanced myself from him for a month and started hanging with another guy as he gave us the evil eye constantly. In another class, he kept interrupting my convos with male classmates and randomly saying shit like “Do you even know her birthday? I do.” Which was weird to me because i had never told him. Maybe a month after that, his fiance who i saw on his page has randomly transferred to my school and is now in my class and had the nerve to sit beside me and say “Hi you’re Desi right? My boyfriend Nate talks about you all the time. Wait did i say boyfriend, i meant fiance *shows ring*” It was so fckin awkward. Not only was i blindsided by her arrival but clearly she was rubbing it in my face. She was like “i see he loves to email you but its like you’ve stopped replying”. I was so fckin confused. The things she said next gave serious swinger couple vibes... Anyways, i still haven't learned my lesson because my crush last year turned out to not mention he was married and started with “well you never asked”. I have to beat it into my brain TO ASK from now on. Do you ever ask these girls before you get with them?
One common theme i noticed is that these guys are not having sex with their girls. One had a girl waiting til marriage (as was i at the time but he and i never got to discussing that) and another had a girl who no longer wanted to have sex with him. I guess they assume they can get me to flip/open up before she does? Thats quite odd to me. But as usual they have failed
Yes I always ask if they are seeing someone or if they are involved with anyone , married or single etc.. most the answers I get are no , I am dating but nothing serious or yes i am with someone but he treats me like total shit and doesn’t even touch me anymore doesn’t acknowledge that I even exist etc.. , which I immediately ask her then why are you still with him if he treats you that way? , and they give me this whole story that basically comes down to why they are still with him because what has been invested or because they have a kid together etc.. , usually they are working class girls that have jobs and pretty much have their own money, and waiting for the right time to leave , I won’t sleep with them right away , she pretty much has to prove to me that her partner is an asshole and that pretty much she is leaving his ass, So even though I know it’s wrong that she is cheating on her partner I realize it isn’t my problem , If I end up in bed with her I just look at it as it’s just sex , I am not going to commit to a girl that is still involved with someone period but fucking her is a different story , if I have chemistry and connection with her , whether she is lying to me or not it doesn’t really matter , but I realized most these girls weren’t lying , they were clearly being honest that her partner is a piece of shit , So do I feel bad for their partner? In a sense I do , cuz I know what it’s like to be cheated on but again that’s something she has to figure out on her own , crazy to say this , but one girl I had sex with that was cheating on her husband with me , their marriage took a turn for the better , her husband that was treating her like total shit had a change of heart and decided to save his marriage , Which kind of shocked me but I was happy that they saved their marriage over divorcing each other , I look at it as I was her fuck toy to give him time to figure his life out , that’s the positive way of thinking lol But she was clearly honest
Then i can't help you here. You just said yourself “ So even though I know it’s wrong that she is cheating on her partner I realize it isn’t my problem , If I end up in bed with her I just look at it as it’s just sex... fucking her is a different story , if I have chemistry and connection with her , whether she is lying to me or not it doesn’t really matter”... like i sympathized with you initially but now it just feels like karma for you so i have nothing else to say. I think you just answered your own question in a way. Plus you said honesty is what attracts you to the girl but i doubt she's honest with the person she's cheating on
because taken girls only see you as sex buddy, single one want more from you wich you are not willing to give
I have given everything to single girls , I bent over backwards for them and treated them like Gold , treated her the same way I wanted to be treated , loved her the same way I wanted to be loved yes we had some disagreements like any relationship but my intentions were to fix what was broken and have her stand by my side , but she still turned around and cheated on me , they were drawn to some douchebag guy that was telling her all the things she wanted to hear making her not want to hear anything I had to say , everything was my fault , I am not saying I am perfect but I know I stayed loyal and faithful to her and she still backstabbed me , Girls that are already involved with someone always seem to want what they don’t have , which is emotional connection , when she feels she has no emotional connection with her partner she is more open to meeting a guy that gives her that emotional connection comes to find out that notional connection guy is the one that isn’t in the relationship which became me when I became single , I am not saying I screw every married girl or girl that’s in a relationship but I feel way more connection with them over a single girl , I am the type that puts my feet in someone else’s shoes when they are trying to ask me something instead of just saying what I think or feel, I kind of see where they are coming from and try to understand where they are coming from , I was never like that before , I feel I am this way because of all the nonsense I went through in relationships with girls , of trying to understand them , which is a puzzle that can never be solved lol
well i wouldn't generalize that much, as you see taken and married girls can both cheat, so it doesn't make any better than the other. People can cheat and they can not. Im currently single and I never cheated. You had experiences with single girls you did but that are not ALL single girls, you couldnt make any relationship with a taken woman that cheats on her man cause she will cheat on you too, so I don't know what so good about that kind of women. Relationships are hard and take mutual effort, yours as you stated lacked things like emotional connection so obviously it was doomed. Its just plain right not easy to find someone who you reallly get along with and can have a lasting relationship.
I agree with you , and I am honestly still trying to find true love and I am trying to play my cards right this time around , I been married and went through a divorce which I never thought would happen , I thought I married a girl that I was going to spend the rest of my life with , the mother of my children. And that all went down the tubes when she decided to have an affair with her married co worker , I was devastated and went through a world of sadness and anger and depression , at that time I pretty much gave up on love and relationships , but when I came to my senses and entered back into the dating world , I was blown away by the shit I was experiencing with girls ‘ to the point I was so lost and thought to myself what in the hell happened to people? The first girl I had a great connection with after my divorce , I thought she was sent from Heaven , she treated me like Gold , I felt like I was walking on clouds , to find out after 5 months being with her her husband comes knocking on my door , My mouth dropped and I thought to myself are you fucking serious? I told her husband the truth about everything and I was sick to my stomach. I honestly felt like every girl must be a cheater at that time , so after her I just went through a don’t give a fuck stage to where I was just focusing on myself and having fun with girls and not giving my heart to them right away , I always felt like what’s the point , I don’t like sleeping around I think it’s dirty but I love sex , so I met a FWB’s girl that doesn’t want to rush into a relationship either and wants to take things slow , the only bad thing about it is she lives far away and we barely get to see each other , but when we do it’s just sex , We talk through out the week but we both kind of know it isn’t going anywhere because we have way different lives. So I am still putting myself out there and trying to meet a girl that wants true love , it just seems so many people are selfish these days
You can’t beat them so you my as well join them is how I look at it
I like I said in my post , honesty is the only real thing that really attracts me , Only reason being is because so many people are not honest , they blow smoke up your ass to gain from you but when push comes to shove it’s all lies , I can’t give my heart to someone that constantly lies to me , I can only give my heart to someone that is being honest , Sadly the only honest girls I have met were the ones that were already in relationships , most the single girls I have talked to are not honest what so ever , they will tell you one thing and then completely change the story the next they pretty much want their cake and want to eat it to , I notice most single girls today are selfish , and I blame a lot of it on social media for filling their minds that every guy is a cheater every guy is an asshole , if someone does this or does that to you it really means they are doing this etc.. I see this shit all the time and just shake my head as to why people are so fucked up to the point I question myself if i am fucked up , What happened to morals , what happened to falling in love with someone with trust and respect? To me all that shit went out the window with my experiences , I am not saying everyone is this way , but a big majority of people are , Most guys today don’t even want to get married because of all the nonsense they hear about Girl’s on how they cheat and take his money. To the point I can see why based off my experiences. All I want is to be wanted and respected by a girl that I so want to do the same for in return , a girl that will remove selfishness for me like I do for her , but sadly it’s hard to find
yes, a lot of people are selfish these days, but know both sides - men and women - dont have it easy when it comes to dating, planty of people have really bad experiences as you and are just protecting themselves. You trying to play others by having casual sex but wanting true love ends up you just playing ysf. A lot of relationships are fake anyways. There are good people out there looking for love, but if true love was easy id guess wed all have it. The key is to stick to your morals, being ysf, trying to understand others, move on from things that dont suit you, learning from past and never giving up.
I realize today casual sex is the way to go as long as you are honest about it and not misleading someone , if you are having casual sex and lying to the person you are having casual sex with then you are a selfish POS is how I look at it , Just be honest , we are human and most of us love sex , Do I jump right into bed with someone? No , I need to feel chemistry and connection first and the possibility of it becoming more or We agree it’s just casual and no strings attached that it’s friendship with sex and that we are open to meeting others , if we do meet someone new and end up having sex with that new person then we end it. As long as I am on the same page with someone I am all about it , whether I agree with their decision or not that’s something they have to deal with on their own , so what they are doing on their own personal time doesn’t really matter as long as they are honest to me about it , Now the married women I have slept with were completely honest with me , they literally weren’t having sex with their husbands they were pretty much on their way out the door , so that’s why I didn’t feel so bad fucking them because I knew the marriage or relationship was on the road of ending , I even met some of the husbands and boyfriends before I even slept with them to realize wow she is totally telling me the truth, that there is no chemistry or connection between them , it was like they hated each other , and he pretty much just despised each other , I witnessed him treating her like total shit to the point i felt bad for her , now if I met the husband or boyfriend and felt like they were nice guys and they treated her nice then I would tell her no way you need to go fix your marriage and stop being selfish and go get counseling. But the ones that I knew for a fact that were being treated like shit and were honest with me , I had no problem rocking her world cuz she clearly rocked mine when she show up on my doorstep wanting me to rip her clothes off