My guy friend calls me every day to chat-sometimes for 30-60min-but when I ask him out for dinner or drinks he says he is too busy. What is going on?

[Anonymous]

[razelove]

How long has that been going on? I'd say either he's using you to fill up a hole for attention, or lining you up as an escape plan for in case a current relationship goes badly. Either way it doesn't seem like he's considering you like, you know, a friend, and possibly not even a person.

Typically even acquaintances at least get quid pro quo, that's a long time gone from both of your days. If you're not initiating the conversations with him, and it's a drain on your attention, while your only request is to have some lunch, that's pretty fucked up to not even get that reciprocation.

I'd pull out with the swiftness.

[SnowedIn]

Maybe he sees dinner and drinks as more than friendship and all he's looking for a friendship and a phone call. Also -- and, not saying this is good or bad but you asked what's going on and this is one possibility: a phone call is MUCH easier (and less expensive than dinner or drinks; he may not want the extra work that dinner or drinks requires.

[meetkitty123]

So give him less of your time. I don't know if he is interested in you as to date you but if you want that then you need to be a bit more mysterious and lure him to you. Be available for shorter time. Be genuine but don't appear overly eager. You need to be a sly and mysterious as a fox. Make yourself slightly available but don't chase... Make him come to you...

If he wants you then he'll be concerned about loosing you're interest and seek you out

If he just sees you as a buddy he'll shrug it off and find another pal to bug and hey it saves you the wondering.

[Sorrento-Sun]

Ask him why.

I have a guy friend who has social anxiety and he suffers from panic attacks, so going out for a coffee, drinks or a meal is a daunting thought to him.

So it could be any number of reasons why. He could assume you'll think it's a date if you both meet up. It's impossible to know what's going on his his head without asking him direct why he won't go with you

[Avicenna]

That’s all he wants apparently

[definitelyNotHer]

It could just be that all he wants is a friendship and he sees dinner and drinks as more than that, which is fair considering dinner and drinks are typically saved for dates. Or maybe he is just busy. The best thing to do in this case is tell him you feel like he's avoiding you, tell him how you feel and ask him why he seems to be so against dinner and drinks.

[Mangospacho]

Well apparently you’re taking time away from his dinner by calling him all the time. If you’re asking him at the end of the call then of course he’s out of time because it’s only a 60-minute show but ask him within the first 5 minutes so that he’s, well, not trapped but more locked into a decision.

[OnlyMeee]

It comes across that he wants your friendship on his terms, and his terms only, next time he calls you, say "I can't talk now, I'm busy" and see what the reaction is. Do this a few times and he. at get the idea. If he questions you about it, say I just wanted to see how it felt for you, boot on the other foot so to speak.

[Jdjfjcjj]

Stop asking him and if he calls again, you tell him you got to go after 5 mins cause you have plans. Don't let him have all the control silly.

Do this and he might think to himself okay, time to stop stringing and time to start chasing

[DubiousIntentions]

He's already all talked out on the phone so probably has nothing left to say for a dinner date. Try inviting him to your place for a home-cooked meal and he might be more receptive.

[LovingJo]

Seems like you're some kind of "fill in" or "stop gap", maybe he's bored, or genuinely likes the attention/conversation, But has no interest in taking it further?
Perhaps ask him.. It's clearly bothering you...

[supercutebutt]

He is battling a case of the clap. When he stops feeling a burning sensation when he visits the restroom, he will probably take you up on your invitation. If so, lube up and have fun :)

[NostalgiaSenpi]

Lmao

[annabananna]

Try asking to do something else and see what he says. Maybe he feels weird about doing dinner or drinks with you. Maybe he would feel obligated to pay and he can’t afford it but is too embarrassed or uncomfortable to flat out say that?

[FreyaRed]

He plays a game to boost his ego and you're naive enough to fall in traps he sets.

[Asker]

That is what I am worried about. To clarify, we used to go out quite frequently. Probably once or twice a month. He was great company and it was always good fun. Our relationship has always been strictly platonic. Recently though he has been making excuses about meeting up in person and that is out of character for him. He has always been a fair weather friend I. e. a bit unreliable ant times and I have always kept a back up plan in place for the times when I thought he was likely to squib on me but I have never had anyone that kept calling me when they didn’t want to catch up in person. Generally if they aren’t interested they tend to ghost instead. I don’t want to ask him if there is any point to us being friends if he doesn’t want to see me because it seems rather rude and he has been a good friend (at least in the sense that he has attempted to stay in touch even though we haven’t been going out). I am definitely wondering how much longer the friendship is going to last though and if the friendship was ever a real friendship at all or if he just needed the validation because he has low self esteem. Guess I will have to wait and see.

[FreyaRed]

It's probably one of those guys if you start ignore him he begins to creep in front of you like a worm. Avoid people who try to cause emotional roller coaster, they have some roof damage.

[EmmaMary]

Next time cut him short by saying that you're just about to go out for dinner and drinks with a friend, say goodbye and put the phone down.

[Randalama]

You have a sexy voice. He's jerking off. No, I know, I'm being a bit cynical but I have to tell you, I've got a bad feeling about this. "It rubs the lotion on it's skin, it does this whenever it's told."

[trinibaddie]

Maybe he is tryna chicken out or maybe not serious about the relationship?

[DeeDeeDeVour]

He's probably not into you the way you are into him.

[summiter]

He may be afraid of any commitments. Does he have a girlfriend or is married?

[Gibbons44]

Some people are like that. They consider that their boundaries no matter how skewed it is.

[boobliker]

ask more he may not want to put you out of pocket

[Softlife808]

He sees you as a telephone friend. Nothing more nothing less

[NostalgiaSenpi]

This is a friendship of convenience, like others have said.

[digitalguy01]

Maybe he is just too much busy, or he is not caring any more. Or has he lost interest in you.