I had this friend back in school, I had seen him around but we only started becoming friends after he invited me to prom specifically as friends! I agreed-( I had a boyfriend at the time but our relationship was complicated as he was in boot camp and I had gotten news that he cheated on me and I couldn’t verify the info with him personally- So we weren’t technically broken up or together.) The guy and I started talking over text a little and then talking some at school. Until maybe a week later he said something like: “we don’t have to go to prom as friends, we could go as something more if you like.” I told him that he was a cool guy but I wanted to just go as friends because I was in a weird situation in my relationship (I said that twice in both text and in person.) He agreed to go just as friends and then every time we would hang out from there which was maybe 3 times I thought he got the hint that we were just friends! That is until we went roller skating and he tried to hold my hand. We didn’t hang out again after that until his college going away party. Later that day he wrote me this paragraph saying it was nice to get to know me and stuff and from then on I would randomly hear from him a couple times a month.
3-5 months later things got better with my boyfriend and I guess the friend heard about it and the last text I got from him was: “well… good luck” (with my relationship.) Which was nice but for some reason I feel so terrible and guilty! Im worried he hates me or thinks I was just leading him on for fun, which I would never do! He was a good friend!
sorry for the long story but do you think I was in the wrong? And if so should I message and apologize? I feel bad anytime I think about that whole thing!
side note: at the time my boyfriend didn’t care if I was hanging out with another guy as he would do the same thing with his friend who was a girl.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
2Opinion
I'm not going to read that wall of text.
Yes, if a guy likes you and makes it known, and yet you continue to keep him around for attention, support, "friendship", etc, it's wrong.
It's wrong because you dam well know that he is only providing you that friendship in the hopes of something more in the future. He's investing into you thinking he's making down payments on a relationship that'll never happen.
And while he's wasting his time and attention on you, he's not giving it to other women who may in fact see him as he wishes to be seen.
However, it's worse that he allows it, then it is that you accept it. Every guy eventually needs to learn that if a woman doesn't see you as anything more, she never will. It's not a developmental process.
If you want to be a good friend to him, tell him that, and then cut him off cold turkey.
Thank you for your comment, and I totally get it I was telling the whole story and it was too much lol! We have since stopped talking but he never made it clear that he liked me but I just think he was dropping hints even when I had said I wasn’t interested. Thank you though, it’s good to hear it from a guys point of view!
It wasn't that you wrote too much. It was simply that it was all in a large block. I would have read it, had you have broken it up into more manageable paragraphs.
In any case, glad to provide a male prospective.
unlike the guy opinions left here, I read your full text. You weren't in the wrong. Platonic friendships with the opposite sex are valid. And, even he stated he wanted friendship from the start, then went beyond his own boundary, giving a false pretense to his intentions. You stated your boundaries. And seems like he was only hanging around you to be "more than friends", since he bailed as soon you were on good terms with your boyfriend.
You didn't do anything wrong.
This is cock teasing your friend zone bench. Yes, it's wrong that you do this, but that is basic female nature. The real fault lies with your Simp guy friend.