In a relationship, is it okay for your significant other to wear what they want?

Question

In some relationships, partners don’t care what their partner wears. In other instances, some guys control what their girl wears and prohibiting her from wearing items like a crop top or choker necklace. Is this normal boundaries or a red flag?

b-river · Accepted Answer

This is something that should be decided, like everything, within the relationship, and people should decide what's right for them and find someone who is okay with that. I think that it is fair to expect modesty with your partner, if that's what you both agree to and want.

However, I think a large part of it comes from insecurity. For men, at least, many of us can understand being loyal to a partner, but still wanting to be attractive, confident, and masculine. Men who would never cheat sometimes like to be shirtless on the beach. The same thing can apply to women.

This doesn't always even mean its to be hit on or ogfled by other people, and there's a spectrum on how far people will go. But even if they are hot on, the bigger issue is if they are loyal. If you trust your partner, and they are trustworthy, then maybe more men should consider being more okay with revealing clothing.

That doesn't mean they have to, and wanting that modest lifestyle does not mean someone is jealous or insecure. For some people, exclusivity simple does go further than others, and that can be healthy if it's right for them. And sometimes people are being open because they are not fully loyal and like more than just glaces.

In short, people should let go of wether is inherently right or wrong, and look inside yourself and see what type of lifestyle YOU want, and why you want it. Find a partner, and be honest with it. Do you want other people to think you're sexy? Do you get nervous when your partner is hit on? Do you want some things only to be for you? Do you want to always look hot, but it really is only for yourself? Find these things, and be true. Then, people can find the right partner and be a team.

Lliam · Accepted Answer

She can wear whatever she wants. I'm not her boss.
As long as she has a monogamous nature and I trust her, I'm cool with her looking good.

If I suspected her of advertising for another partner I'd probably be prepared to leave her. I mean, you can't hold onto someone by keeping them on a leash. If she's gonna leave, she's gonna leave.

If she wears sexy clothes when we are out together, I'm proud to be with a sexy woman and don't care if other guys look at her and eat their hearts out.

I have no problem with sexy, as long as it's classy. But there IS such a thing as bad taste, as in looking like low class or ghetto or trailer trash or a street hooker or low IQ. There's nothing I can do about that, either, but I wouldn't be with someone like that in the first place.

Screenwriter · Accepted Answer

This is a giant red flag. Both people are adults. A man who wants to control what his woman wears more than likely wants to control a woman in general.

It's one thing to think some outfit is not modest, but a couple who knows each other well would know this from being together and seeing what each other wears. If there are fashion clashes, each person has to decide how they feel about them.

For me, I'd like a man to dress neatly and cleanly, and according to the time and place, appropriately for an event.

I don't see that a crop top is out of place for spring and summer wear. And what is the deal with a choker-necklace? I don't mean some S&M thing. Just jewelry.

I think some tops are too low cut, but again, we're talking about people who know each other and have seen how each person dresses. So there should be no surprizes. And no one has the right to tell someone what to wear.

If the man disapproves that much, he's with the wrong woman.

Jemini_Crocket · Accepted Answer

Well, I personally think it is okay and completely understandable for a partner having a say in this matter, at least to a certain degree.

Let's say your man starts dressing like a homeless person or doesn't wear clean clothing after starting to take you for granted even though he used to be so well and clean dressed at the start of your relationship and while dating --- would you be ok with that? I know I wouldn't.

So if a man doesn't want me to wear dirty, trashy or just extremely bad looking clothes, then it's quite understandable. I can't imagine wearing a choker, low cut top, dirty heels, mini trashy old leather skirt (I'm being over the top to set up a clear example) while being out with my nicely but simply dressed man.

I think you should cooperate in a way, match each other's vibe like not going in sneakers when he's in a fancy suit or him not wearing a dirty/trashy/childish vest while you're in a cute sundress, all dolled up.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

My fiancée is from China and sometimes, he sense of fashion seems strange. This morning, sh put on some yoga pants that had a very busy grey and black pattern, and a top with a clashing multicolor pattern. It looked awful and I told her. The problem was not how much she was revealing; it just looked awful. Simply horrible.

AviatorTom · Answer

She can wear whatever she wants; I can't make her wear or not wear a certain outfit. But if we're going out together and I find her outfit offensive, she's going out without me, or we're not going at all... her choice. That's why I voted for "boundaries".

coachTanthony · Answer

No. She wears what I say she can wear. Period end of story. lol

smashleyy · Answer

Most men dress pretty plain and average so nothing to be bothered about. Seems to be more of a man issue. It’s understandable for a guy to not want you walking around in a micro bikini or something else on the extreme side like that but for the most part it’s a red flag if he says you can’t wear something and screams control issues, insecure, lack of trust. I had a friend I went shopping with for panties and she ended up changing her mind when we got back about a laced thong cause it looked “old fashioned” she gave it to her mom and her having it started a huge argument with her dad. I guess her mom was only *allowed* to wear granny panties. So that behaviour can definitely lean toward abusive

Anonymous · Answer

Is it "okay" for her to? Yes. In the same way it's okay for him to break up with her over it. If she firmly insists she wants to, she genuinely should. But it's genuinely JUST as okay for him to take issue with it and leave her (preferably talk about it first, though).

Like, I don't believe a woman should be beholden to her man's will (unconsensually 😉), but he shouldn't have to just accept it if it bothers him.

Personally, I prefer my relationships to be a unit, not to separate individuals who happen to kiss and cuddle. If she doesn't like me going shirtless in public, I likely won't.

Miristheiss · Answer

There are boundaries. If she wants me to stick around and not dump her then there are some things she won't wear. Truth be known, I probably wouldn't be dating her to begin with if her heart was yearning to wear revealing and sexual stuff in public.

If she still wanted to advertise "for sale" while being "committed" to me then she isn't the one.

But yeah, if she wore certain things then we'd be over. There are boundaries and there are levels of respect.

megabamse · Answer

Looking hot and looking like a slut is two different things I would say.

To show a bit of skin and shape fitted clothes is fine, go look beautiful and sexy i say.

But if the clothes screams out sex super loud and in a I'm a perv type of vibe then I'm not that into it. Makes me feel like this is potentially a cheater.

HighValue · Answer

Normal boundaries and showing respect for your relationship and partner.

The people that claim it is controlling, would they be okay with their partner having sex with others or living with others? Are they controlling if they are not okay with that?

There are boundaries in a relationship. Far too many people are immoral and too stupid to have a successful relationship because they ruin it.

Things like showing cleavage, crop tops, short skirts, revealing clothes, etc. Are all for promiscuous people that will never be good eno6for a good quality partner. People that dress that way shouldn't expect to have a faithful partner.

EricSummer · Answer

Generally she can wear what she wants, but I like it when she follows some limits by her own choice.

Once I had a girlfriend who liked to show off her ample breasts with her clothing when going to a party. I found it a bit tiring to have so many men interested in her all the time at such events. On the other hand she was completely faithful and I could have relaxed a lot more than I did. She usually did not even notice that guys were flirting with her. She thought they were just being "nice".

NathanDavis · Answer

I never told a girlfriend how to dress... nor what to wear or should not wear

and here's the thing... I already knew about their style and fashion choices before we were in a relationship, so... if I had not liked the way they dress and if that had been such a big deal for me, then I would have not entered in a relationship with them in the first place

and is not like any of them changed their wardrobe drastically from before to after, being in a relationship with me... they would wear pretty much the same things, the ones I never had any issue with

TruthBringer · Answer

If you're in a monogamous relationship, you can't act like you're single. You can dress what you want, but it should be within certain boundaries. Don't like it? Then don't be in a relationship, plain and simple.

I'm not going to tolerate being in a relationship with you and you think it's okay to wear provocative clothing in public. But then again, I don't date such women who do that, in the first place. You're either going to be a respectable significant other or I'll find me someone who will happily take your place. And trust my words that I will take this approach because it has always served me well.

MrOracle · Answer

I definitely set boundaries and expectations in my relationship, but it's rare that the girls I date push them.

You are making choices that sexualize yourself, and this is to go out in public, so clearly you are seeking attention and validation from other men. Otherwise, you would save these things for him at home.

Why is getting attention from other men so important to you?

jeffnevrotski · Answer

I feel like this, you wear ehat uou want to wear out with your friends cause ii am comfortable in knowing that a womans body is like a piece of art and should be displayed. Nobody neither man nor woman has the right to control what someone wears now if someone is doing that then you need to rethink if thats who you want to be with becsuse the control will spread to other aspects as well. Its not mentally healthy to allow someone to oppress youvans thats exactly what it is abd can easily lead into physical. It only escalates

The_Shadow_Dweller · Answer

There are many boundaries. Even if you ignore the boundaries of your partner, you have your own moral and personal boundaries. When in public, you have to adhere to the public boundaries. You cannot be a psychopath there. And when it gets too much, the obvious law boundaries are there.

And when not even that, then I fear, your freedom is at stake here. The ultimate boundary, the last one.

snowboarder720 · Answer

Being in a relationship means that you agree to have them in your life. This means that you are happy with how they dress, how they act, their hopes and dreams, and how they grow.
Being in a controlling relationship is unhealthy for the controller and the person being controlled and is abusive.

CubsterShura · Answer

I don't understand why men even date women who they think aren't dressing appropriately enough, jeez. If he isn't okay with how I'm dressing from the beginning he shouldn't be dating me to begin with.

roseloyaa · Answer

I think no one in a relationship should control how their partner acts or what they do. It's okay for a guy to communicate if he feels uncomfortable by something I am wearing or to ask for me to not wear it. You can consider what he said or don't, but it's YOUR choice. There shouldn't be any controlling

Anemone978 · Answer

If a guy doesn't like you being a hoe, go for a guy who likes to date hoes instead..

Orion76 · Answer

A relationship is not an ownership and I don’t like it when someone ask do you let her wear this or wear that? For the guys who do and even if she yields to your demands you are asking for trouble and it’s only a matter of time before you realise that.

Instead you find some who shares your values and fundamentals someone who doesn’t need coercion.

Fireguy17 · Answer

if someone tries to control you and what you wear, see, talk to etc, then that is a pretty large red flag.
He is controlling, doesn't trust you, and quite often it only gets worse as time goes by.
If you are with someone that is controlling you, or is trying to, you may want to rethink the situation.

Friendlybro79 · Answer

I'm not sure what country you're from but if you're from most places not completely oppressing women... wear whatever the hell you want lol. Some guys will care and some won't. If you want to have a guy tell you want you can and can't wear, I hear Iran is hiring.

t_time · Answer

I have been in relationships when my partner tried to control what I wore.
I hated it. I have always dresssed pretty conservative my whole life. But how dare I wear sweat pants to the store. Or dress down in any way..

ColHathi · Answer

Red flag for sure. Though that's not to say that a partner shouldn't take their SO's feelings into consideration when choosing what to wear.

jjj101010 · Answer

Yeah I’m not here to control someone. Their choice

OfMiceandMen · Answer

I chose: She can wear whatever she wants.

Each person has their unique style, and is likely one of the reasons I like to be with her. For me to say, she shouldn't wear something, goes against what attracted me to her in the first place.

alearningboy · Answer

Well Im 23 I dont know a lot or haven't seen a lot how it is in a relationship. But I think its like how she grew up by her parents, where they open about it or not. Im like if my girlfriend doesn't wants me to wear something then I would like to have also that my girlfriend doesn't wear what I like.

Nikki1989 · Answer

No man should be that controlling.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

I'm generally okay with my partners wearing whatever they want, within the bounds of socially acceptable behavior.  All I care about is that she behaves in a way that honors our relationship.

FifiJones · Answer

It has a lot more to do on whether my partner might _want_ to leave/engage with someone else, than her clothes. It's commitment/goals related, not looks.

worldscolide · Answer

Depends, my wife is pretty conservative so I never really worry about it. But I'm also pretty easy going. The way I see it, as long as she's not nude I don't care.. That same rule goes for me though too..

Dargil · Answer

There are boundaries, dependent on setting. Church. Work Doctor's Office Grocery store City streets unattended. There are more.

DizzyDesii · Answer

I’d prefer to meet someone already dressing in what i prefer and vice versa so that we’re not tempted to change anything about eachother

WanderingLoveWizard · Answer

As long as she dresses slutty and looks hot, she can wear whatever she wants. No turtle necks and pants must be tight. Not a big deal

hIopinionated_ · Answer

Definitely a red flag. Bet the guy would also hit her for looking him in the eye, as that’s a sign of resistance

Jamie05rhs · Answer

She can wear what she wants. But there are obvious limits within common sense. I don't think that a transparent bikini would be acceptable.

Anonymous · Answer

W in reason. Of course there are boundaries. I’m sure my girl wouldn’t want me wearing flip flops w a hoodies n short pants to dinner even though that’s what I would prefer.

Normaldude444 · Answer

I would never tell a girl what to wear. If I did not like her clothes or thought she looked cheap, I just would not date her.

Anonymous · Answer

Any female who needs to expose herself while in a relationship, needs to be single. If she is dressing like a whore, then she is trying to get sexual attention and the first guy she thinks is “better”, she will bounce.

Anonymous · Answer

For the most part I don't care. But there are limits. But she probably doesn't have worry about it. Because how she dresses will come across when we're dating. And if she's really that bad I'll stop dating her.

Raaj4you · Answer

If you are conservative dresser then there is no point in controlling you. Smart men / women know what to wear, when to wear and how to wear. Don't embarass your girlfriend / boyfriend in front of others.

fantasticass · Answer

As a couple we decide together what each other is wearing. We do this all the time. It works ✌️🇨🇦

SoulmateSeeker1994 · Answer

It's not up to the partner to tell you what to wear. I disagree with that kind of repression, but, on the other hand, any adult should be aware which clothes is appropriate of any specific occasion.

AlexisDiani · Answer

Stay away from anyone who wants to control what you wear.

Stevefiveo · Answer

I think it is up to the women. I've dated girls who where whatever they want and now my wife likes me to control her and pick out her clothes for her. I like both.

Gramkabir · Answer

The man should not control women regarding choosing outfits to wear. but can suggest what might he likes.  On the other hand, the girl also should not intimidate her guy to wear her choices.

Walt832 · Answer

She can wear what ever she wants, hell even naked if she desires 😂.

Anonymous · Answer

She can decide what she wants to wear. Anything goes. I get to decide whether I want to continue the relationship. My decision is based on hers.

AdithyaR · Answer

I'm totally fine with whatever they wear. Their actions and behaviour matter more to me than their clothes.

Danny_dan92 · Answer

That’s cool, when it becomes a problem is when they accept flirtatious advances from others

Quigly · Answer

I have no problem with a girl being a girl. Dresses make me weak in the knees. As long she is decent around children.

msc545 · Answer

People should be able to wear what they want without fear of criticism or pressure to change, which is abusive

mommymommy · Answer

Why do girls never try and control what a guy wears?

PointTaken · Answer

I don't mind what she would wear. As long as she's comfortable.

Luckycharms12 · Answer

Don't care. Her body her clothes can wear whatever she wants to

KrakenAttackin · Answer

If she wants to dress like a hoe, she can find a different man.

Kiran_Yagami · Answer

No. If you want to act and look single, be single. Ain't complicated.

Xtendable · Answer

She can wear what she likes, and I might offer suggestions too

Sfranken · Answer

Absolutely. Within the bounds of good taste

Avicenna · Answer

Within reason, yes

Iron_Man · Answer

You should dress classy

In a relationship, is it okay for your significant other to wear what they want?

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Should your partner have a say in what you wear?

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