I destroyed my relationship with my ex by not keeping our relationship problems to myself. Throughout the relationship, we said hurtful things to each other but he was the one who started it. He would say something hurtful as a joke and I would say something 10x back worse that was out of line. After a while I began bringing our drama up to my family. It caused my boyfriend to look bad and they grew a dislike towards him. My mom had no interest in meeting him. What I was telling them wasn't lies but facts on what was going on. My boyfriend has past trauma after being falsely accused of beating his girlfriend because she lied to her family about hitting him. They disliked him and called the police on him. When my boyfriend does or says something to hurt me, I threaten to pull the same stunt his ex did on him. Didn't mean it but this is where his respect for me was going down.
I don't know whether I was the toxic one or he was but I've had a relationship in my past that lasted for a year with less issues and the guy never met my family nor did I tell them anything about us. The only difference about this recent past relationship is my boyfriend was friends with a couple of my family members. They were his friends and after i told them about our problems they became rude to him. They made up with him but my boyfriend couldn't get over the fact I turned him against them. My boyfriend got tired of all the bad things I said to hurt his feelings. It bottled up and he couldn't stop thing of everything I told him and left me. He wants me to get some help before I get into another relationship and I do believe I need some. I took therapy years ago but none of it really helped.
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Being less toxic involves actively making an effort to change harmful behaviors and attitudes towards yourself and others. Here are some tips on how to be less toxic:
Be self-aware: Take the time to reflect on your behavior and attitudes towards others. Be honest with yourself about any toxic behaviors or thought patterns you may have, and be open to feedback from others.
Practice empathy: Try to understand and consider the perspectives and feelings of others. Be mindful of how your words and actions may impact others, and make an effort to be kind and supportive.
Communicate effectively: Be clear and direct in your communication with others. Avoid passive-aggressive behavior, and work to resolve conflicts in a respectful and constructive manner.
Take responsibility for your actions: If you make a mistake or hurt someone, own up to it and apologize sincerely. Avoid making excuses or blaming others for your behavior.
Practice self-care: Take care of yourself physically and emotionally. Practice healthy habits like regular exercise, a balanced diet, and getting enough sleep. Seek support from friends, family, or a mental health professional if you need it.
Remember, being less toxic is an ongoing process that requires effort and self-reflection. By making a commitment to positive change, you can improve your relationships with others and lead a more fulfilling life.
The easy answer is therapy.
The hard answer is self-reflection and a whole lot of painful realizations without a therapist using psychology to force you to.
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