Would you be ok with your girlfriend going to a club late at night in a LDR?

[AliSulayman]

We’ve been together for 5 years. I’ve seen many red flags from her side when she get drunk.
She’s cold in bed but loves me crazy. She says I should trust her, but I can’t force myself to.
For me, once I’m in a relationship, I stop going to clubs. Even to bars without her.
She says I can go if I want to, and she trusts me 100%!

Your thoughts?

[Finchie40]

LDR are hard period , and to answer your question? No , I wouldn’t be ok with it , and more than likely I would dump that girl , because when someone truly values you and respects you they don’t need that atmosphere in their life anymore , people like that are people that only think what is best for them , they have selfishness in them and take people for granted , you aren’t being insecure , don’t ever let someone tell you or let her tell you that you are being insecure, cuz it has nothing to do with that, it comes down to being respectful , you can only respect someone that is being respectful to you , you can only remove selfishness for someone that is removing it for you , , I can tell you right now that your so called girlfriend is not being faithful to you , I use to be a bouncer at a club and I was blown away by how girl’s are when they are out with their friends , Girl’s can’t handle alcohol and become little whores when they are out with their friends, the guys there are just looking to get laid , and the girl’s are just seeking attention and validation and free drinks and love being flirty , and vulnerable, shit I been one of those guys , I can’t tell you how many girls I hooked up with that were cheating on their husbands and boyfriends with me , cuz girl’s are so vulnerable when they see a guy she finds hot or outgoing , and good with his words , so no I would not stay in a relationship with a girl that constantly needs to go to the club and bars with her friends period , we don’t commit to be single , Why I don’t jump into a relationship fast with a girl anymore because most people are just plain out selfish and only think what is best for them , If I meet a girl that’s long distance from me , I make it clear from the start that I just want to be FWB’s with her because I will not fully commit to a girl that is Long distance from me, too much space in a relationship is not a good thing it leaves doors open for others to enter , So my advice to you man is just tell her you want to be FWB’s and tell her the truth that since we are long distance and you like going to the bars and clubs let’s take things slower cuz I can’t fully commit to a girl that needs that shit in her life , tell her you like her cuz I know you do , but make it clear to her that you don’t want a girl that is going to constantly give you a knot in your stomach on whether she is being up to no good or not , so in a sense you are letting her know that you will not be taken for granted and that you don’t want to sound like you are trying to control her , just tell her you take relationships seriously and the only way you can fully give your heart to someone is if they know what it means to be in a relationship , And tell her the truth on what you do when you get into a relationship with a girl that you eliminate going to bars and clubs out of respect for the relationship , She will either stop going to bars and clubs or she will continue, either way bro it’s not your problem anymore , Focus on yourself and leave doors open for you to accept another girl to come into your life , your GF’s actions are not your problem anymore , but I mark my word she is not being faithful to you period , even if she isn’t physically cheating on you , she is still cheating on the relationship by choosing her selfishness over choosing you , when a girl chooses friends over a relationship she is just conveniently using you , don’t fall for a girl that chooses friends over you period , A girl that loves and respects you will put her friends last over you. When friends become more of a priority kick that bitch to the curb where she belongs period

[D_Bone_Steak]

I wouldn't be okay with it at all just to be honest. And if she's the type of girl that even wants to waste her time and money doing that kind of stuff... I might fuck her, but I sure as hell wouldn't call her my girlfriend.

It's a matter of time before some cheating or trouble of some time is going to get run into. It's a place where people go for the sole purpose of picking up the opposite sex. It's a place where people go for the sole purpose of getting drunk and being crazy. It's a place people go to rip people off or follow someone home to rob and/or rape. And some people go there for more than one of those reasons.

Simply put, "I just want to have fun/hang out with my friends and dance... is not a good enough excuse. I'll get the drinks, you bring your friends over and you can dance and drink here in the living room... I'll even get some laser lights and a fog machine for that club experience.

I bet you that they won't go for that because there is a reason that you're not meeting still even with everything else... a sole reason I didn't mention before... attention from men. They won't tell you that. They'll say you're just jealous or just paranoid... but you deserve to be jealous or paranoid when you figure out that your girl is actually wanting to go there just to get sexualized attention from other men while she may or may not be having too many drinks.

Like I'm sorry bro... a woman that is actually into just me and cares how I feel about it... has to drop the idea and drop it fast. Otherwise, she can GTFO and go talk to the guys at that club. That's my thoughts on it.

[AliSulayman]

Totally agree bro!

[sheenagwapa]

there are lots of maniacs in the club but if i'm a gut and then my girlfriend just wanna dance and have fun with her female friends i think i'd be fine


i've been to a clun once and i just love the music i wanna scream and dance... the thing i don't like about it there is the men. it feels like when yoy're on a birthday party and yoy just wanna eat in this case yoy just wannq dance but then there are people asking yoy but yoy are not in the mood. you just wanna eat


i already have a boyfriend at that time so i don't have the appetite to mingle what for? i already have a boyfriend and so when i'm there i just wannq dance and feel i'm cool ya know i just wannq be cool

[sunflower00]

I would never ‘not allow’ my partner to do something and cannot imagine my boyfriend telling me I’m not allowed to go to the club. Maybe it’s different culture but in the UK especially where I live going to the club is a very normal thing to do, I go to have fun with my friends and people I know that I don’t talk to on a daily basis. It’s just a good way to socialise, have a bit of fun, dance a bit and see your friends like what is wrong with that? My boyfriend doesn’t go out much but when he does I have no issue with it. Same way I don’t go out much now but when I do he has no problem with it at all.


If you don’t trust your partner you shouldn’t be in that relationship

[AliSulayman]

Well not all of us are lucky with their past in relationships and not all are lucky to have a partner that they are on a high level of understanding with.
There is no norm in a relationship and the margin of tolerance is different. Some people fall in deep love yet don’t mind their relationships being open, which is fine as long as they agree on it and happy with how things are. Others are in relationships knowing their partner is cheating on them yet are ok with … etc

And trust is earned not granted.

[sunflower00]

I just don’t think there’s any point in being in a relationship if you don’t trust the other person? I trust my boyfriend 100% and know he wouldn’t cheat on me and vice versa. You should feel comfortable in a relationship not worry when the other person goes out.

Stopping someone from going out and doing things they enjoy is also controlling tbh so I would never stop anyone from doing that just because I was too insecure or had my own troubles from the past.

If they betray my trust and cheat that is their choice and I would leave them.

[dynamicyandere]

If you are able to separate your paranoia from your intuition, you should trust your gut.


An LDR can work, but it’s a rare occurrence and you have to be with people that are super committed and willing to do the extra work.


But, I wouldn’t be comfortable with my girl going to clubs late at night and getting intoxicated. If she’s going, she’s going sober.


Even if I trust her, it would make me feel more at peace being able to watch over her myself and than to leave it to her intoxicated friends to watch over her intoxicated self.


I’d just much rather be there. And if we can’t go together, then I’d rather not have her go. If she wants to go on her own, I’d want her to be sober but I’d still prefer to be there myself to make sure she’s safe.


In the end, I’d say have an open and honest conversation with your significant other, and trust your gut.

[AliSulayman]

Even if she goes sober it doesn’t mean the rest of the people there will be sober as her. It’s a place where people go to dance in a group, it’s not like they can isolate themselves. So for me it’s a huge no!
I already had maaaany convos with her and she keeps saying that I have trust issues. Yes I don’t trust other people cause I don’t know them. I don’t trust people being wise when adrenaline level is high or intoxicated. It’s human nature!

[dynamicyandere]

Yeah, even if you can trust her, it doesn’t mean you can trust the people around her. That’s why it would be a no with me too. Unless I’m able to go with her.

[Adaeva]

When you are not there, she gets lonely so she goes out and gets laid with guys that are hotter than you. You may get her to agree to stop but she will not stop; she just won't tell you. And, if you are not there, you may never know. Besides in her mind, what you don't know won't hurt you. She is looking for an upgrade; and, as soon as she is certain, with a hotter guy, she will pounce.

[itsalyssaagain]

If I trusted my boyfriend then yes. But I would expect that he picks up the phone or answers my text when needed. I say yes because I don’t really go to clubs, but I will spend a night out at a Shisha bar or something and I’d want him to be ok with that because I am loyal.

[AsaKyo]

Tbh, I wouldn't be okay if my boyfriend went to a night club, but I couldn't stop him because he is his own person and can do whatever he wants.. so if I were you, I would just try to have some faith in her. Maybe she's just going to hang out with some friends and has no intention of meeting other guys.

Though, I do have to wonder, is this LDR one where you met online and then irl? Or is it one where you were together, but then got separated by whatever life threw at you? Or is it just I don't know, an hour or two city drive? lmao.. cause' if it's that one, then that isn't really LDR lmao..

[aoihewgf]

Unless LdR is a temporary situation and you've previously were in same area, then I would say argue that LDRs aren't really relationships to being with.

As for your question, I would not be okay with this but if she wanted to go I wouldn't have any thing else to say because she would effectly be breaking up with me.

[In_Trance]

Ridiculous. This LDR is a fairy tale.
If you don't trust her, what are you even doing?

[AliSulayman]

Love is stupid I know

[shades777]

thats a iffy one, i know how the clubs are, guys are hitting on girls and buying them drinks, dancing and she's backing that ass up on them, the environment is what you can't trust, clubs are mainly for fun and hooking up, its kind of like you saying im going to the strip club and we all know what happens there.
At the end of the day, its your conscience you got to live with

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't allow that in an in person relationship, let alone an LDR.. if you're in a serious committed relationship, stuff like that is simply not appropriate.. I'd just drop her if I were you.

[AliSulayman]

Yah bro! She expects me to be ok with it! And calls me jealous!

[Opinion Owner]

She just wants an excuse to cheat.. She's likely going to the club to get laid, and if you're not OK with her cheating, she will claim she was raped instead..

[Kris31]

I think it's fine. I always told my ex she can go as single girl on a party with 20 dudes. I trust her. I think if she never gave you any reason to not trust her just let her enjoy

[AliSulayman]

Until one day she ends up making out with a guy there or even go all the way with him and not even tell you about it. Cause guess what? Women consider these “mistakes” as unimportant and that it didn’t mean anything … etc
Think about how good you might be in hiding stuff out from your girlfriend, multiply that by ten with a brain much more advanced than you and a relaxed conscious based on the feeling of “always being the victim” and you’ll have your answer.

[Kris31]

I mean you are right but again that's that then. She enjoys 100% trust until she doesn't. It's just up to you if you wanna be paranoid straight up from start and ruin everything based on assumptions and suspicions. Not all woman are cheating monsters or at least not the ones I met

[AliSulayman]

Of course! But they are overthinkers and always insecure about themselves. No matter how confident they seem, they somehow still search for affirmation!

[Kris31]

I think that's part of self-improvement. You can train yourself not to be insecure like whenever you are overcome by that just take a deep breath and say nope it's alright. Works wonders if you make it a routine. After a while you don't need it anymore

[Oatmeal2]

Your gut is telling you what to do so you should probably listen.

[Anonymous]

Bars maybe because my boyfriend goes to bars and he knows everyone there so I know he won't cheat because they're all just his friends. Clubs I'm on the fence about even though he says he wouldn't do anything at a strip club because he's with me.

[Opinion Owner]

You've been long distance for 5 years? If so, you can't trust her to be faithful?

[AliSulayman]

Because she became cold in bed and takes me for granted

[Opinion Owner]

But have you been long distance for 5 years? And I'm sorry.

[AliSulayman]

No she traveled abroad for her masters and I supported her but she’s streching the limits of my support. She want me to be ok with her going to bars in mixed groups. Have male friends …. Etc

[Opinion Owner]

How long have you guys been long distance and surely you can trust her if you guys been together for 5 years?

[AliSulayman]

6 months and it’s not about trust. It’s difference of cultures and understanding.

[Spade_01]

I wouldn't be with someone who drinks or smokes. Going to a club is entirely a different thing.

[Unit1]

Sounds like a girl for public use. You're sure she is yours and not everyone's?

Long distance relationships are pointless.

[Vegasrunner]

You have to decide if that's something you're willing to allow in a girlfriend.

[MrOracle]

LDRs are a delusion. Huge red flags, dude.

[Nikki1989]

LDRs never work.

[MysteriousDarkness]

@Nikki1989
Prove that at least not one Long distance relationship has worked out.

[nawtee_me]

long distance relationships don't work...

[Keishio]

I'd be uncomfortable with it.

[TheSpaceGnome]

I don't date women who like clubs.

[Jmmmfi4]

Not like I could stop her