Why do people care so much about age in romantic relationships?

Question

I've been with a man 25 years older than me for a while. We love each other. My ultra-conservative family doesn't know us, but his family loves me. Whoever finds out about our relationship in the outside world hurls insults at us. Sometimes at me, sometimes at him, sometimes at both of us..

I don't want to exploit his money, he's not rich anyway. And he's not with me to use my body either. We're in a serious relationship and yeah, we're happy, but I'm so tired of the strange faces looking at us or hearing their insults thrown at us.

Why do people treat like this? Why does the relationship of an adult woman and an adult man bother them so much that they feel the need to insult all the time?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I really do feel for you! I'm in a major age gap relationship too, so I very much understand what you're going through (although with mine he's the much younger one. I'm 42 and he's 27). While our families are happy for us now, that wasn't the case when we started dating. Even now we both get a whole lot of weird looks and judgmental comments and assumptions from other people. It was (and sometimes still is) really hard to deal with. The thing that kept us together is how much we love each other and how great our relationship is. For a while I really tried to figure out why so many people cared and judged us so much.

For one thing, I think people just don't like things that are so unusual. Age gap relationships this big are not at all common. When things are way more unusual people often are a lot more judge-y. It's sad, but it's true.

Another reason is that there's a lot of unfair assumptions people make about age gap relationships. I've gotten so many people assume that I'm going through a major mid life crisis, that he has a fettish, that he's just with me for my money (even though I'm really not rich either, and at this point he actually makes more than me), etc. People assume that since the big age gap is so unusual then the reason they're together can't be genuine attraction, affection, love, etc. There's got to be some underlying nefarious reason they're together (or so they assume).

Also, another reason is that some people may actually be jealous. I've had women my age who were super judge-y of our relationship, but I've come to realize it's often because they're jealous that I'm dating a sexy younger guy. They may wish they could do that too, but don't believe they can. So they judge and are jealous. There may be people your boyfriend's age who are jealous you're dating him instead of them. There may be older men wishing they could get a sexy younger women like yourself. Sometimes judgement and jealousy can actually be a compliment. Haha

Eventually, I've learned to just not let it bother me. Me and my man are super happy together. It's the best relationship we've ever had. I know it's easier said then done, but you've got to get to the point where you understand that it's their problem, not yours.

Also, when I feel particularly judged by a group of people I'll often grab my man by the ass, squeeze it, push him towards me, and him him a long, sexy, sensual, smooch. Seeing the looks on their face is absolutely hilarious!

Apple1996 · Accepted Answer

Large age gaps in relationships almost never work out long term so I think people ( especially family/friends) care cuz they see a relationship that is gonna fail and watch you waste your time on that.

stepyo99 · Accepted Answer

Jealousy. In the case of younger people, it's jealousy of someone in their dating people being taken and in the case of older people it's jealousy of how they were able to pull someone so much younger.

Also, there's a lot of feminist propaganda about how it's creepy for older men especially to date younger women because they aren't "compatible" (whatever that's supposed to mean) or because he's taking advantage of her even though she's an adult and supposedly strong and independent according to those same feminists.

TheorionMage · Accepted Answer

At the root 'core' of every gendered human relationship is Nature's motivation of 'procreation'.  Generally, female humans begin 'fertility' as early as age 5 and enter 'geriatric fertility' around age mid-40's; whereas males begin around 5 and CAN impregnate into their 80's... BUT 
 in either extremity, the statistics for physical birth defect complications substantially increases. The greater the age spread, the more pronounced the societal censure and approbation.~

Pinay_ako · Answer

Tbh idc about age gaps as long as you’re both legal age and consenting adults. And if you love each other fr and are happy and not hurting anyone , knock yourselves out

AdithyaR · Answer

Its not the ages themselves that's an issue but when it started. Cause people at different ages have wildly different perspectives, maturity and life goals.
It creates an unbalanced power dynamic between them. This gap mellows down in older ages but it's vastly volatile at younger ages.

For example, a 35 year old and. 55 year old wouldn't be an issue since they're both well into their adult ages and will likely have similar maturity levels.
But take the same age gap in a 20 year old and 40 year old. The 20 year old isn't even fully psychologically mature yet while the 40 year old is very well into maturity, it's unbalanced and can cause one member to be dependent on the other in an unhealthy way.
This is why normally people frown upon larger gaps especially if the younger one is still in their 20s.

Anonymous · Answer

Usually because there’s a huge difference in mental/emotional maturity, and life experience, which can often lead to the younger partner being manipulated, abused and taken advantage of. Regardless of whether it’s a younger woman or a younger man. Plus, usually people seeking someone much younger than themselves, have something very wrong with them, that makes people their own age not want to be with them. Ask yourself - would you date someone 25 years younger than yourself? Why or why not? Why is someone so much older interested in you? What could you possibly bring to the table that someone their own age can’t? The answers might give you something to think about.

At the end of the day you’re both consenting adults, so what you do is your own business, people will always have something to say about it. Either focus on your relationship and be happy together, or focus on other peoples views on it and let it hurt you.

Haha456 · Answer

1. large age gap relationships rarely ever tend to reach marriage. this is because its very unlikely you both see eye to eye on things due to immense gap in maturity, life experience. From my experience, vast majority of large age gaps tend to fail. A successful relationship takes more than just simply knowing how to make the other person laugh or looking good. Both individuals need to be able to deeply relate to each other on many aspects of life.

2. You can't grow old with someone who is already old. You might find yourself married to a senior citizen while you are still very young. Things might be fine when they're 25 and 45. But when they are 40 and the other party is 60. By then, the younger party might not be very happy.

Anonymous · Answer

When you say people do you mean both men and women? Or mainly women? Because I’ve come to realize that it’s usually from other women. Especially women who are old and bitter, who men never paid attention to. They’re usually the ones who complain about other women as far as what they wear or don’t wear in public. Most men don’t care, unless it comes to their daughters lol I know double standard sometimes. A lot of women rationalize it as men who are older who end up w younger women can’t get a lady their age lol which is a completely ridiculous thing to say. They say older men want to manipulate younger women, which sure some may do that. But who wants an old, bitter woman who’s been through numerous relationships that resents men? If you’re happy you’re happy, as long as you’re both of legal age. That’s your life enjoy it.

inhua · Answer

it's all fake outrage. it's all about assumptions based on a superficial leagues

when referring to the younger partner, people will purposely infantize them

when referring to the older partner, people will think of them as old, disgusting and full of diseases

anyway the younger partner is suppose to better looking than the older partner and society has a huge issue when attractive people are partnered up with less attractive people

Rei13 · Answer

I might do a double take if the gap is significant enough and I do judge if the younger one is late teens to early twenties and the older one is 15+yrs their senior. But otherwise I don’t think it matters. If a 25yr old wants to be with someone 40, 50, 60+ all the power to them. You’re a fully developed adult at that point and can make your own decisions.

BoobSlayer · Answer

Breasts contain glandular tissue, connective tissue, and fat, all of which give them their shape and firmness. As a woman ages, the glandular tissue in the breasts starts to shrink, and the fat cells become smaller, leading to a loss of volume and firmness. Additionally, the skin loses elasticity over time, and the breast ligaments stretch out. These changes can cause the breasts to sag or droop.

DizzyDesii · Answer

people gone do what they do. I think the shits nasty but that just means I don’t have to do what y'all doin. I’ma do my own thing. Carry on 👋

Anonymous · Answer

because this dude is likely past the age of 50 if you're 25. 25 year olds are fucking young looking. and 50 year olds are... OLD. and don't tell me he's not with you because of your body, because that is about half of it... we're not dumb. not sure what future you two would half left after 10 years if it ever makes it that far. like... we all just don't see the point in wasting your youth and your time. that's all. but whatever. we're not losing sleep at the end of the night.

RasmusAiken · Answer

If you're 15 and he's 40 then they may have a point you need to listen to. If you're both adults they need to back off. If they don't back off then maintain just a civil relationship with them but don't include them in your inner circle.

Gingerbread_GB · Answer

Because you are different. Narrow minded people distrust others who are different, it's as simple as that.  "Oh, they are not like us. They must be wrong."

NamerOfStars · Answer

Because they pretend that humans are simple creatures, motivated only by base instinctual desires, and that sexuality is all about power dynamics. Neither is anywhere near the whole picture.

RockyHammock · Answer

He's 50 now, so he can still do things. When you hit 50 though, your choice of partner will limit you significantly in what you could do. There's also the mental aspect, but if you're still with him you've probably worked past that.

mommymommymommy · Answer

Well, usually it's about the legal thing, ya know, 15 year olds shouldn't be dating 40 year olds but

If it is legal, you then have to question the morality of i. Why should a 40 year old, date an 18 year old

art84 · Answer

My cousin who was in her 30's married a guy who was about 20 years older. He seriously looked like her father which was scary who is my uncle. I don't think the relationship lasted as they divorced.

shades777 · Answer

Nowadays everybody wanna talk like they got somethin' to say But nothin' comes out when they move their lips, Just a bunch of gibberish and Motherf*ckers act like they forgot about Dre -Eminem

Anonymous · Answer

2 groups of people who are bitter and jealous. The older women being tossed aside for younger women and the younger men who don't want the younger women to date older guys.  It's just petty jealousy.

Berethor · Answer

He old enough to be your dad, how you know that he not with you to use your young body?

LiamJHayden · Answer

Probably because many people have a habit of projecting their own biases upon others. They don't like the idea, therefore in their opinions it is wrong.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Because they gut instinct know how attractive it is but are too much of followers and just listen to everyone else to do it themselves and so they get mad and jealous basically.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

Most of the time the issue is lifespan and relatability, though exceptions will exist.

OddBeMe · Answer

If you were under 18 when you started that’s a problem.

Slim57 · Answer

I have no idea I've dated younger, and much older, as long as you're both adults it really doesn't matter what everyone else thinks, let them stay mad

Whatnameisnottaken · Answer

Age is important to an extent. Nobody wants to be with an old fart at a relative young age.

DermalPunch · Answer

I don't know. It shouldn't matter.

slatyb · Answer

Forget the haters and do what you feel.

Anonymous · Answer

Listen to the bible.. “all men are liars”

Why do people care so much about age in romantic relationships?

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