Don’t feel good after talking to girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

I’ll keep this short and sweet. I’m 23 and she’s 21. We’ve been seeing each other for 6 months now. We started off as friends and now we’re doing long distance.

Here’s my issue. Almost every single time that I talk to this girl, I feel bad about myself. She makes me feel bad about myself. She always points out flaws with me and speaks in ways to make me feel bad. I think it steams from insecurities she has. But it really hurts me. Right now I’m just going through a flat spot and am trying my best to fix things.

She just berates me and it hurts because she claims to love me but I don’t feel it. I feel used. I try my very best to be there for her in anyway and treat her better than anyone else has, but she doesn’t treat me good. Her ex abused her and yelled at her and cursed at her. She also did tell me that he would tell her that she was hard on him. Almost every time we’re on the phone she says something to me that I don’t like and then she acts like she didn’t do anything wrong. Then I always end up feeling bad getting off the phone.

I even kinda get nervous when the phone rings now because I know that something bad is coming. I would really appreciate another perspective on this. Thank you for taking the time to read this and feel free to ask for more details if needed.

[Anonymous]

It's concerning to hear that you feel bad about yourself after talking to your girlfriend, and that she makes you feel insecure and unhappy. It's not okay for someone to consistently point out your flaws and make you feel bad about yourself, especially if it's affecting your mental health and well-being.

It's possible that your girlfriend's behavior stems from her own insecurities and past experiences, but that doesn't excuse how she's treating you. It's important to prioritize your own emotional needs and to be in a relationship where you feel respected and valued.

It might be helpful to have an honest and open conversation with your girlfriend about how her behavior is affecting you. Let her know how you feel when she criticizes you and how it's impacting your mental health. It's important to communicate your feelings in a calm and respectful manner and to listen to her perspective as well.

If your girlfriend is unwilling or unable to change her behavior and treat you with the respect and kindness you deserve, it may be worth considering whether or not this relationship is healthy for you. It's important to prioritize your own emotional well-being and to be with someone who makes you feel happy and secure.

[shades777]

Leave bro, no matter should allow someone to be hurtful

[Anonymous]

I feel like I’ve spoken to you before and she broke up with you because the distance, insecurities on her end and still trying to get over her ex.

[Opinion Owner]

Wasn’t long ago either, maybe a week and some change..

[Asker]

I believe you are right. Looks like old habits really do die hard. I’ve been trying to see if a salvage what’s left. There’s been good days and bad. I don’t think the ex is so much an issue right now anymore, but it’s just that she isn’t treating me right yet again…

[Opinion Owner]

Gosh, I’m just sorry to see you’re still going through this. My vote is still for you to walk away from that. I know it’s hard and you love her but this isn’t healthy. Didn’t you say it was like 6-7 months in? And already this, it’s not good for you.

[Asker]

Yeah, it's not going very good. It's super difficult but in the back of my mind.. I'm clinging to hope that things are going to be better once we're in person.. but that's a big gamble to take. To completely change your life for a person in hopes that they'll be different in person. who's to say that they will be? I don't know. Walking away from this would be great for me but I don't want to lose this person.

[Asker]

I just told her to stop being mean to me, that I'm only human, and that I am in the process of trying to change the very things that she brings up and throws in my face.

[Asker]

She just replied and said that she agrees with me. Maybe everything is going to be okay :). Thanks again for your help last time and I thank you for giving your take no things once again. God bless you!

[Opinion Owner]

I’m not trying to be the defeatist here, but when I look at the situation based on everything you’ve said, I think you’re prolonging the inevitable. This woman has things going on outside of her feelings regarding the distance. These things are engraved in her brain, part of her being. Maybe she feels guilty that you’re on the receiving end of her negativity, but 9/10 it’s not going anywhere because ultimately you enable it. She’s found someone who will “love her through” the bs and she will only get more comfortable being this way after you repeatedly show you’re eagerness to stay in a relationship. I have a horrible feeling that she will either make an excuse to not hang out, or things will not ultimately change because while yes the distance is a contributing factor, ultimately it is deeper than that. Genuinely I am not trying to pour salt onto the situation and I wish wish you luck, you seem like a nice guy and I can see you’re really trying. Just pray about it, and do what god wants not what you want.

[Opinion Owner]

Goodness, didn’t realize I put ultimately so many times lol but I hope you get the gist of what I’m saying. It’s really not coming from a harsh place, just an unbiased perspective☺️

[Asker]

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on things, I really do appreciate it so much. I don't feel like I'm prolonging the inevitable. I truly do feel like everything is going to work out just fine. I think it's easier for me to say that because I'm in the situation tho, and I could be partially blinded by my feelings towards the person. I think that we both have been doing a better job of communicating how we feel and things have been better as a result. I think that I just wasn't used to her joking with me in such a manner (that's what she calls it). I crack jokes on other people and have with girls in the past because they seemed to enjoy it but when I first met her she was very sensitive and would get upset anytime I poked fun at her, so I stopped. She started it recently and it felt like she was chipping away at me given the context of it and me not doing it back to her. Nevertheless, last night she asked me if I feel like I can handle her and I shared some of my thoughts with her and explained my thought process. She told me that I'm being emotional which, hurt a bit but she's in the right. I had never felt this way about someone before so how I'm acting now is very new for me. I'm still trying to navigate my feelings without being a complete mess. You have no idea how much I have appreciated your response on my situation. It's given me a different perspective on things. Sometimes I wish I had a wise friend like you in my corner. Someone with more life experience to give me advice on situations. I will be taking this matter into prayer and I want to submit to whatever the answer ends up being. Thank you and God bless :). No issues, I think using the word so much got your point across better lol. I hope this wasn't just a jumbled mess