From an evolutionary perspective, isn’t break up a betrayal?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

So, let’s say you were planning to settle down, engaged and suddenly when they see a better option, Voila. Gone with the wind.

The children you were going to have - will never exist,

the secure home you had - no longer exists,

You were accustomed to being protected and admired by them and suddenly you are left alone in the world and that former protector and a partner of yours, goes to protect someone else and your destiny doesn’t worry them anymore.

I might be too idealistic but I feel like break up is a betrayal on an evolutionary level.

And makes you face how even your closest person can be brutal to you. Who can you even trust?

It’s not much different from a wildlife, our lives can be just as brutal and unfair.

I guess I should play the same way next time.

Updates

1 y

He has posted his picture today. I wish I never saw it.

He’s so handsome… Not just handsome, I am not overreacting, he looks kind of majestic, mysterious, his last name is related to the royal family, but it’s more of his personality and the way he holds himself. Something very powerful about him.

Also, he is undoubtedly the most attractive man I’ve ever seen.

I’ve only ever seen people like this in movies and well, I had him in real life. How do I feel good knowing he was my fiance & I los

[WanderingLoveWizard]

I'd be interested to see this "majestic" man you speak of. I'd bet the farm he's not nearly as attractive as you make him out to be, and your infatuation has blinded you.

You don't have to send me anything, but maybe knowing that other people (mainly women) don't see him the same way can help you get over him

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

They find him attractive. One girl told me she is happy she never had a boyfriend like mine, because it would be much harder to get over him.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

But regardless of how good he was, I sometimes fail to remember the pain he has caused me in the ending period of our relationship. I think that’s what I should remember.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

Exactly. And his shit stinks

[CALIGVLA]

Yo! What happened, white girl? You seem sad... Your ex left you for an Asian girl, huh?

I don't see a breakup as a betrayal. A breakup is the proof that love was never there to begin with, either because the couple for any reason didn't develop strong feelings... Or because one part was lying about having it.

Having a breakup only bothered me in the sense that I realized that I lost my time with an ex. I just want my time back, I don't want any ex back. I don't accept return.

[Nikki1989]

Not really. Everyone deserves the best that they can get.

[itsalyssaagain]

No. Sometimes breaking up with someone is good for them.

[Summeroflove]

Maybe. But if it’s not meant to be. You would move on and find the person you’re supposed to be with.

[Hanrej]

It always feels that way when you reap the benefits of a relationship and end up being the one broken up with.

Would it still feel like betrayal if your needs weren't met? Your weren't protected but had to support? What if you eventually had enough and decided to break up, would that too count as betrayal?

You can never grow too comfortable in a relationship, there's always a partners needs to consider and if they arn't met... Who betrayal who? The one leaving or the one who feels they give more than they get?

[BoopBoopBeep]

Evolutionarily speaking the more I pass my genes to others the more my lineage survives. The children still exist if they were already made whether one or both parents are gone. If they weren't made, they still will be, just with someone else. Your hurt feelings has nothing to do with evolution.

[AdithyaR]

I'd say a breakup is more of a failsafe.
Why would you be with someone who can't be there for you 100%.
I've been in your place where the last person I had feelings for, I saw them as flawless and perfect even when my friends pointed out how that person hurt me.
Time heals everything, give yourself time. You can always move on.

[RealMarek]

If he promised to be with you and then abandoned you for someone else, not because you were being abusive or cheating, then yes, that is a betrayal.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

He left saying he didn’t deserve how good I was lol

Who believes in that.

I didn’t cheat nor abuse.

[RealMarek]

His words are empty. Actions speak more than words. I’m sorry this happened to you.

[Berethor]

Evolution only care about children, real children, not imaginary ones, if a man left a woman while she pregnant it's the ultimate betrayal from monogamous perspective.

[VikingWarLord]

Read the book "SEX AT DAWN" by Cacilda Jetha and Christopher Ryan

People used to mainly be polyamorous. It wasn't until the Agricultural Age where people became monogamous in many parts of the world.

[LiamJHayden]

"I guess I should play the same way next time."

So you got screwed over and are thinking about taking it out on the next person? Sorry if that sounds harsh, but how will that help?

[Juxtapose]

If you let darkness taint your light without one hell of a fight first, you are not worthy of possessing that light in the first place.

A truly virtuous person should really only break under torture.

[Juxtapose]

And also yes, breakups are a betrayal. You can't tell me that a woman calling me her snuggle bunny and all kinds of other shit and then acting like I don't exist a few months later isn't a betrayal..

[MementoMori777]

Exactly what I meant by not letting the world change you this an L Fetale smh

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I am not changed… I just feel betrayed.

Have you known the things he has done for me, you would think there’s no higher form of love than the love he felt for me.

Yet, he killed me in his life and chose something else and someone else. Someone who swore his love, loyalty and dedication to me, gives all of this to another person, lives happily without feeling guilty.

If he could do that to me, for a person for whom he was everything, the closest soul to my heart, if I was his first love, his first woman, his first fiancé and he could still forget me so easily, does love even exist or is this a brutal competition without unfair rules, which I sadly played fair, because I just loved him too much to ever consider being with someone else. Every decision I made, I made out of my love to him.

And now, my person, has become a stranger, someone else’s sweetheart and doesn’t care about me anymore. This is the life and I was too stupid to believe our love would be different because I was special and he was special.

Noone’s special, everything you are afraid of, will happen. Everyone who you get close enough to hurt you, will hurt you, unless you do it first.

Why should I stay same? To get over the same heartbreak?

It almost killed me seriously. I couldn’t get up from bed for 6 months and I was having fevers, loss of appetite and severe heartaches. I even thought my hair would get white because if the stress and pain I underwent.

[MementoMori777]

Love exists, I know it because you loved him and if it wasn't for his mistake, you would've stayed with him your whole life, I call what you have for him love and if it exists in you then love exists, you just have to find someone the same as you when it comes to love, appreciation, care and support, I know you love him but it simply could've been that he just never loved you as much and you loved him and that's why these results happened, it's a betrayal yes, but why do you have to turn into the plague as well, at that point you become just like them, you are honestly one of the people I actually have faith on here, and watching you get consumed by this, it's not just devastating to you no lie.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

That doesn’t mean I will never fall in love again, I will, but I will make sure not to pour my whole heart in it, because I had a great man by my side but in the end, even he broke my heart.

I guess that’s just something I should expect from all men, no matter how good they are. My ex told me in the end “I am still a man and I guess, all men are assholes, I hope you will find someone who deserves you, I know I don’t.” - Bullshit. Now he thinks he deserves that girl? For me he was the first and only partner, for that girl is like 3rd one. I guess, maybe she is more experienced than me but my love was pure, I doubt that girl will love him more than I did. But I don’t know. Maybe they deserve each other.

[MementoMori777]

How are you so sure he was a great man, because people can lie and deceive and the truth is that if he was such a great man, would he have done you this dirty? Seems to me like maybe he's been talking to this girl for a while, this is what the saying "wolf hidden in sheep's clothing" comes from, here's another "Satan hides himself as an angel of light" deception is everywhere, don't crack cause that's surely what Satan wants, he's trying to turn off another light.

[MementoMori777]

I've always seen you as a strong woman, cause I know you are strong, I read that off you since the first post I've seen from you ages ago, you are letting this guy destroy you and I know you love him but now that you've seem his true colors, what exactly do you love about him, he's just like the rest of them right? You are still pulling him out of the crowd like he's special, throw him in the pile, he was never worth your time and the fool is him, not you, don't change a damn bit.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I know he was great because he deserved me to love him this way.

He was very loyal, it’s just his love couldn’t pass a very long and a hard test, most would fail.

My love though turned out to be much stronger, strong enough to withstand time and distance. He waited me for 2.4 years. I went back 2.7 years later. It’s a long time… A lot can change in that time.

It’s just I woke up everyday and chose to love him and reunite with him, I went back as soon as China opened, there’s nothing else I could do… He loved me, he supported me, he waited for me for a long time. I can’t blame him for anything else. All I blame him for is why wait for me so long if you were to break up with me 3 months before I finally came to you?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

But the way I loved is not very common, it’s quite rare. And I don’t expect to see a lot of people who can love this way. In truth, I feel like chances are pretty slim I meet someone crazy enough to love this way.

My ex fiancé’s love almost matched mine, he loved me stronger when we were together, my love grew fonder with time and distance, his faded to the contrary.

He never even met me when I cane back… I feel like that’s a tragic end to what we once had, but it’s a beautiful ending as well. Our love didn’t deserve an average ending.

I hope that someday in the far future he will realize what he had lost and somewhere lost in his trivial life, he will appreciate the intensity and unusualness of the love we shared, we could have such a great love story, had he not given up.

Now what will he tell his grandchildren? That he had a fiance who he loved for over 3 years, who was his first love and who was separated from him for over two years due to pandemic and still he waited and waited and their love was so strong to withstand it until he gave up, just 3 momths before she arrived? He didn’t even meet her when she came back and went to another city where he met a woman he fell in love with?

Won’t his grandkids think their grandpa was a foolish to lose such a beautiful love. Won’t they ask him, why didn’t he meet me? Why he gave up?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I just read your comment. Thank you. He has told me the same after break up. He told me his love made me weaker and maybe that’s because we are not compatible. Because I was much stronger in the beginning of relationship and he was worried that he took away that from me and that his presence in my life did me more bad than good.

[MementoMori777]

You are only saying this cause you are still in love with him, when you get over him, you'll see my full point of view, he did you dirty, it's just the truth, it is a long time but he had someone excited to see him and gave him the chance and I guess he was only loyal for 2.4 years, I thought that shit was suppose to be for life, you can consider it an excuse but there no way you'll change my mind on it, he flake, you know what that's called? Giving up on you, it's what he did, there's people that take bullets for the people they love, this dudes love for you was limited and nowhere near as the love you had for him and that's simply because he doesn't know what he gave up on, when he abandoned you

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

He was loyal for 3.4 years. 2.4 years I was away from him. But yep, I see your point. And thank you so much, it helps to read that.

[MementoMori777]

I hope it does, cause no lie people like you are the reason I even have hope in good women, I've ran into many that were wolves in sheep's clothing, they tell you one thing and they devour you out of surprise, don't change for anybody

[loveslongnails]

Build a bridge -- and get over it. He doesn't want you for whatever reasons, and the sooner you deal positively with that, the better off you'll be.

[Anonymous]

Not if you're sparing the person deeper hurt down the line. Even it probably doesn't seem that way at the time.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Deeper hurt - like what?

[Opinion Owner]

Feelings are two sided. Relationships are NEVER completely even. Someone ALWAYS values the other more than the other. And in good, healthy relationships the dynamic ebbs and flows between the two. But when it doesn't consistently it usually ends with a breakup. I know it certainly doesn't feel this way but when you can't love somebody as much as they love you it's best to cut them loose. Because you'll just keep repeatedly hurting them. And that's neither person's fault necessarily. It sucks! But it's just reality.
What's best I say is to never get so attached to ANYONE that you can't live without them. I always say there's a piece of my heart that no woman will EVER own. And she has to be ok with that. She should to, I'm OK with that. When I love someone I will do everything in my being to love and support them. But we will ALWAYS be two separate people. She has to know that going in.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I guess that was my mistake, his love to me was so strong, I felt free to love him with all I had. So I was all in in this love, while the more I fell, the more he hurt me. There was a point when we loved each other almost evenly l, but the more I started caring, the more I got hurt. I guess he was happier when I loved him less and he loved me more.

[Opinion Owner]

I might have had that problem in my youth. Not that life is without problems now. But I'm very zen about relationships now. I accept what people are willing to give. And I give what I feel and I let the rest go. Love by it's nature is reciprocal. The problem is both parties in the relationship have different views as to what that means.

[msc545]

In the evolutionary analysis, it is the properthing to do. Evolutionary analysis is largely bullshit by the way.

[DizzyDesii]

Not really