If a guy says ‘I can do what I want when I want’ ? Is this an indicator he’s not taking me seriously?

Question

I’ve been seeing this guy for 6 months. I asked him on the phone the other day if he’s going to a rave this weekend and he said ‘I can do what I want when I want so I don’t understand why you’re asking and being so bossy’ would this indicate he’s just doing what he wants while I’m out here staying loyal?

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Then you need to say this to him , I will do what I want when I want as well and walk away and tell him it’s over , If he isn’t following boundaries like he expects you to follow boundaries then it’s a double standard , Why most relationships fail , because most people are just plain out selfish and only really think about themselves , they try to justify their actions by saying you are being insecure or you don’t trust me blah blah blah but the truth is they are plain out selfish and they don’t respect you , they only respect themselves , it has nothing to do with insecurities , People like that you honestly need to kick to the curb where they belong , If someone truly loved you and valued you , they wouldn’t even consider going to a Rave or a club with out you period, it’s disrespectful , If someone can tell you they don’t want you doing certain things then they need to eliminate those certain things themselves. People that say they need space from their partner, are people that are clearly selfish and only really think what is best for them , They try to play a victim when really they are a piece of shit , My advice to you is to dump this guy and realize you deserve someone that doesn’t even think about excluding you or going to those type of places with out you , find someone that wears your shoes like you wear theirs , The only way a relationship can survive is if both partners make each other their top priority over anyone over friends over family
etc and they remove selfishness for each other , It isn’t control or jealousy , it’s respect for each other and the relationship you both choose
To be committed in. Most people have a very hard time grasping this concept and then they wonder why all their relationships fail, they fail because they are selfish

TheIrishWolf · Accepted Answer

He doesn't need your permission to go anywhere. He can go where he wants when he wants. Relationships aren't about telling others what to do. It's about merging your life with his. And if you're telling him he can't, you're the controlling one. But if he's going to a strip club, that's obviously a dumb-fuck idea. That lacks respect for you.

You don't need his permission to do anything either. If you want to so soemthing, do it. You are two separate people with your own things to do. But just don't be a petty child and go get a male stripper or soemthing. There are lines.

I would hate this in a relationship, and I would see it as controlling behaviour. Red flag for me.

Also, I've never been in a relationship, so what do I know? But I know what I want and I'm not ready for a relationship till I'm a better person, for the benefit of both of us.

Jazzy54 · Accepted Answer

Wow, what a rude response. 🙄 Anyway, while that doesn’t indicate a lack of loyalty, it shows that he’ll jump to conclusions that you’re being “bossy” when you’re only asking a question to make conversation. Maybe his ex was bossy or something. That doesn’t make what he said to you right, but I’m exploring all avenues.

White_Widow · Accepted Answer

Well it's obvious he feels trapped and maybe a bit suffocating. And you feel disrespected and thereby threatened.

Either you two sit down and talk about it or you two don't and it will only get worse.

I suggest you two talk it over. Not much to lose if you do.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Sounds to me like he is feeling some pressure (perhaps internal) to be accountable to you, and he is resenting that feeling.

RavVid · Answer

I would say he was undoubtedly feeling he was being constrained and wanted to make clear you weren't going to and let you know you were overstepping the boundary.

You may not have been and not intended it that way but he certainly felt that.

I have felt that from girls on short acquaintance and reacted similarly. I have also felt this from a partner who worked weekends. The time she was working her shift was my time and I didn't like being 'organized'.

Don't know if you two normally would hang out on the weekend or not - what would be your established pattern?

Anonymous · Answer

What does that have to do w staying loyal? I mean can you honestly say you haven’t been nagging him a lot? I ask because a lot of people tend to paint the other person as the problem while maintaining their innocent. It’s like the women who get hit by a man, not saying it’s right or justified that a man hits a female. But they make it sound like I wasn’t doing a damn thing he just came home and punched me in the face. From his response it sounds as though you are kind of controlling, he feels trapped like you’re giving him slack when it comes to things like this cause he’s not a you.

ohsheeT · Answer

It is an indicator that he is very selfish and then he really doesn't have any interest in you because he doesn't care what you say if that's what he's telling you it's also an indicator for you to listen to his words very carefully and then ask yourself do I want this type of person in my life because in that moment he just proved you exactly who he is and who he's going to be that's your choice if you want to be around that or not

FilmGuy93 · Answer

That's a huge indication he's not taking you seriously. It's also a sign that he is extremely immature. He just all but expressly said the words to you that your opinion has absolutely no bearing on what he does and that you just need to deal with whatever he feels like doing, and that's that, so there.

You would have to be an absolute clown to stick around with someone like that for even 1 second longer.

sage2021 · Answer

Next time you have a drink together and are raising a toast, just say: Here's to you And here's to me And here's to love and laughter I'll be true As long as you And not a single minute after!

Anonymous · Answer

Not necessarily. You could really be bossy. Self realization isn't in most females. Many see things from thier point of view and ONLY thier point of view. Not saying this is the case here. But it's a good possibility.

Either way, move on. Problem solved.

itsalyssaagain · Answer

That is a REEEED flag. You need to make sure he knows that’s not okay. I’d say something like - sure you can. It’s a free country. But as my boyfriend I’d expect communication and respect and vice versa.

bedroomeyes · Answer

Your question did not warrant that response. 😮‍💨 Tread carefully around this one, though I personally think it's time to cut your losses before things get worse.

boggboss · Answer

He just told u he will do what he want no matter hownit makes u feel or if u care and this is the man u are having a child with?

Exterminatore · Answer

“I can do what I want when I want” - sounds like something a rebellious teen would say. He must be a bisexual tree hugger. He wants to be free to experiment with other men. You ain’t holding him back girlfriend.

Gent207-2 · Answer

HOIST THE RED FLAG He don't respect you or love you anymore than a man in the moon. My advice:RUN

Nikki1989 · Answer

That is a good sign he really doesn't care about you.

sheikalana · Answer

Sounds like he wants to stay single and doesn't want to commit.

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

I think that's a red flag. That's a person who thinks the world will kneel before him.

Pudsmucker · Answer

Maybe it's time that you find a new boyfriend. There's equal communications and respect for each other in a relationship.

SirJohn42 · Answer

Im not sure his motive but its immature.  doesn't sound like he wants to commit ito you.  Or he thinks he's above how you feel.

annabananna · Answer

He sounds defensive. Maybe he is worried you’ll be controlling his whereabouts.

Anonymous · Answer

Probably. But he is correct. He can let you know where he is going. But ultimately he can do what he wants when he wants. He doesn’t have to answer to you in any way shape or form.

abc3643 · Answer

Don't bother with him. He's an asshole.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Do raves generally include sex these days?

In_Trance · Answer

It's an indicator that he's a little bitch

sarah657 · Answer

He is toxic and doesn't respect you

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