I love her but I can't commit to her because of my work schedule. What should I do?

Question

I love this girl, and we share physical as well as emotional intimacy with each other. However, I do not want to label our relationship. One day, she confessed that she has started loving me and wants to commit to me. I could not commit because of my schedule, and I lied that I do not feel the same way. She was hurt, but she accepted my decision. She stopped talking to me and started seeing some other guy who was always into her. I do not know what to do. I miss her terribly. I regret letting her go. What should I do now?

Genie23 · Accepted Answer

Anyone that says they're too busy to commit/give time to a partner is making an excuse because surely you do not work everyday and don't work for 24 hours. I've had some crazy busy schedule too where I felt I couldn't breathe after working so hard but still during the breaks and at night, I made time for him because I loved him and he mattered to me the most and he did the same thing no matter whether he's busy at work or went outside the city or country, he made sure he made time for me. Always. More than once a day.

I'm so disappointed in you. She poured out her heart and you rejected her over your work. If you truly loved her, you would have made her your priority too. You messes up big time. I say you let her be with him. Respect that she's with someone now unless she doesn't want to be with him and breaks up. If she does, reach out and apologise and tell her you were a fool to refuse her love even though you loved her and assure her you'll never let anything come between her and you again. That she will be as important as your work and your family is. You won't sacrifice her for anything again.

Brainsbeforebeauty · Accepted Answer

First, what do you mean you couldn’t commit because of your work schedule? (That I don’t understand) lots of people are busy with work and other things but they make time for the important people in their life… That you didn’t maybe she wasn’t that important to you till you lost her…

And secondly, you lied about having feelings (either then or now that she’s seeing someone else now you’re interested)…

If she’s happy seeing someone else, let her be…

What can you do? Maybe don’t look to get involved with people till you have the time to invest in them and the relationship…

razelove · Accepted Answer

Not much, that's already behind you. You could fight twice as hard together but with her not trusting you, and you not trusting her, but for different reasons.
A work schedule isn't a valid reason to reject someone in the first place. It's totally valid to say you don't have the time to seek people out, but not to push them away. I've had a couple jobs where I worked 84 hour weeks, outside of work I still needed to take care of myself, relax, have companionship, and get laid.
I'd say more so in that circumstance there was more money, but less leeway to reject the people that would still be there for me, when I couldn't necessarily be there for them. Especially if the work hours were erratic. In school I just lived in one of my labs when I was doing research, used the shower in the gym, and did laundry at whatever woman's place I went to.
You didn't reject her because of your work schedule, but because you prioritized your work over her. That's up to you, but you should at least put yourself before your work, or what's the point of working?

Lliam · Accepted Answer

She made herself vulnerable, said that she loved you, and you said you didn't feel the same way. You treated a rare, delicate flower like a weed. How could you fix that? Tell her that you lied because of your work schedule? Work schedule? That doesn't even make sense. You weren't even willing to be honest and explain your dilemma and see if you could work it out.
Why should she trust you if you both rejected her and lied? Your story would sound like a lie.

You fucked up big time. I guess this will be one of your life's regrets.

Would you even be willing to commit and doing whatever it takes to win back her love, and more importantly, her trust? Do you love her? It doesn't sound like it.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

"I love her but I can't commit to her because of my work schedule." If YOU believe that, then you are the only person on the planet who believes it. And then you lied about your feelings.

what should you do? If you REALLY love her, leave her alone, because she deserves someone better than you. What should you do? Kick yourself in the ass for your fuck up and at least learn a lesson from this experience.

Pinay_ako · Answer

Your loss, you lied. If you’d been honest with yourself and her, you won’t be asking this question. If she truly cares, she’d understand you. But you lied, that’s a red flag. Now move on.

Summeroflove · Answer

You need to be open and honest about how you feel. Take things at the pace you feel comfortable and if it’s meant to be ir will be

Avicenna · Answer

It's too late to do anything about it. Move on and meet another woman.

ShadezMcgee · Answer

So you had time to be emotionally available to her and found time to have sex, but couldn't find time for her when she told you she loved you and was willing to commit? Going as far as to lie about feeling anything because of your supposed work load.

No one is ever that busy, and clearly you weren't if you found the time to do that. You should have communicated and been honest from get go that you were concerned that your work load wouldn't leave you available for what she may need in the relationship and see if you could reach a compromise and try it out.

Miristheiss · Answer

That's an L dude. Don't lie.

That's BS right there. Tell the truth. Be a man and tell the truth and let the chips fall where they may. None of this cowardly lying stuff because you are afraid to have a real talk.

Walk me through it? If she loves you and you love her why is your job making it to where you can't be a couple? Unless you are shipping away for 10 months 1,000 miles away it seems like you can see each other when you can as long as you are up fron and honest about your schedule.

Staximus · Answer

You're not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree, are you? You screwed up. Let it be a lesson. If you actually loved her, you would have said you did and not told her a hurtful stupid lie. There's no reason you can't be in a relationship because of your schedule. You could have just seen her whenever you were not at work. It's that simple. You're just making dumb excuses for your shitty self-centered behavior. You were too much of a coward to tell her you love her too and make it work. You're only missing your water because the well went dry.

nolabels · Answer

I hate to say it , but I think that pooch has been screwed.

I'd have said for you to have talked to her about it before the breakup.

Things change over time, work schedules and the like.

If you get another chance, go for it.

Only she and you can know if that's possible.

I'd be reluctant to horn in on another guy, but you do you.

HawkPerception · Answer

You know your job is an issue when it comes to relationships and yet you still seek them, so one main criteria you need to look for in a girl is being okay with your work schedule. Either that or change your work so you're more flexible with your time. You already said what you did to her. Live with your choice and move on.

devilish-cutie · Answer

You should commit, first to get her back (tell her the truth and how ou feel) and then to date her. You shouldn't take people for granted and it beats me why so many people do it, listen to your heart for once. Scedule thing is an excuse, what is more important than her? Seriously

KaiidiraX · Answer

You could have easily told the truth but you decided to lie. It is possible if you said you couldn't at the moment because of life but you liked her she may have been willing to wait or make things work. Dishonesty never helps. The consequence is now she's seeing someone else.

Sixgunsound · Answer

Were you expecting her to provide for you? So you wouldn't have to work as things worked out? Surely you would still need to have a job at that point. You can get another job you can't get another loyal partner with a history who is devoted to you.

Kun17 · Answer

You have to accept that the work has some temporary need and satisfaction. If she is perfect and you think she is the one then you should think on it. But genuinely work is not that much important, if you are capable then you can make the money for living anyhow. If you loose her you will be regret it in long term. But if you loose your job you will get the orther one. Just prioritise your work life balance.

SirJohn42 · Answer

Well seriously you didn't tell her the truth.
You couldnt commit to her. She put her feelings out there and you left her hanging there.

What do you expect her to do.

I feel sorry for you. Im sure she was willing to work around your schedule. She wanted you.

If you loved her like you say you do. You would of found a way to make it work.

Working is important. And schedules suck. You can always find time for her. Or make tine for her.

Keyboardkat · Answer

What do you mean because of your schedule? If you want to have a life, you need to be more flexible than that! If you love her, then you have to make certain choices. It looks like you chose your schedule over her.

itsalyssaagain · Answer

You have to make a decision. To either commit or not commit. If you choose not to commit then you must allow her to let go and find someone who will choose to commit to her regardless of the circumstances.

BCA6010 · Answer

You obviously weren't committed at the time, and she has moved on. You should too. In the future, don't let "your schedule" stop you from finding a way to make it work, and don't lie to cover yourself either.

DermalPunch · Answer

You can't commit because of your work schedule? Is that the lie you are telling yourself? That is so lame. Plain and simple you want to be into her, but you're not. Just break it off.

exitseven · Answer

If you really love her you will figure it out. Life is not either/or. Many people have jobs and relationships at the same time. I was working 6 days a week and I still managed to have girlfriends.

Anonymous · Answer

Weak excuse! “I could not commit because of my schedule” Do you work 24 hours a day?

FilmGuy93 · Answer

What could you possibly do but learn from the situation and move on? You dropped the ball, man. No one is too busy for their priorities. You could have committed to her, but you opted not to. It is what it is.

Daddy_Satoru · Answer

Take a break from your work and apply the regret minimisation framework, i. e., take a look at your future self and determine which choice would you regret not making.

DJB72 · Answer

Get your head out of your backside. In thirty years time your job will mean nothing. The right relationship with someone starting under 25 will mean everything.

lightbulb27 · Answer

get therapist as you have difficulty being intimate, vulnerable. learn and don't do that again.

lorenzomichael · Answer

Get her a job at the company you work for. After working together for a while one of you are not going to stand the other. By then you might not love her as much as you think. Or she might not want a commitment from you so soon. Think about it..

RingOfFire · Answer

Don't make the mistake I did. I put my career before love and lost the love of my life. Love comes first, then career. If it is too late with her, learn the lesson for the next time.

linka_pat307 · Answer

Just be truthful to her about your confusion or wht is really boring Do you by any chance feel she isn't the one but being with her to see what the future holds for you two

hiyamotherfers · Answer

Bro if you are in love with someone it doesn't matter whats going on in your life. She should be number 1

Smashingdoozy · Answer

If your work is getting in the way of your life you need to do something about that.

strateguy632 · Answer

she started seeing someone else and you dont have time so just focus on career.

molonski2 · Answer

Take it slowly and just see how you feel as time goes on , no hurry , see how you go.

Iron_Man · Answer

You made a big mistake my friend and don’t let work ever get in the way of a love relationship

serious_miss419 · Answer

You did her a big favor. Guys avoid their families because of their “ schedule “. I wouldn’t worry about it if I were you. You’re a pretty typical guy.

Anonymous · Answer

you would not make time for her or prioritize her. that's pretty low. so she left. and good for her! now move on!

TacosRAwesome · Answer

She was already aware of your circumstances before asking for commitment and knew they weren't changing anytime soon.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Bullshit. What does your work schedule have to do with anything? It doesn't. Lame-ass excuse.

AJCoolGuy · Answer

Try to talk to her and let her know that you really miss her and ask her if you can be frirnds again and who knows she might come back to you. Maybe ask her to go to dinner with you as friends to boost your chances.

Wild_princess · Answer

If you really love her, Chase her you can and you have to make time for who you love

Anonymous · Answer

I think it's much too late. You had your chance and you kind of blew it. She's moved on and I think you should do the same.

Anonymous · Answer

Tell her that you like her. Women think emotionally men logically. You being busy is fine just communicate with her

Mangospacho · Answer

You gotta let her go. If you’re only thinking of reasons why you can’t possibly be with her, then you need to let her go.

Redstang88 · Answer

What’s your schedule got to do with it? That’s just a bullshit excuse

shades777 · Answer

Either you make it work and stop making excuses or you let your relationship deteriorate, the choice is yours

Christoff92 · Answer

Wow. That's going to be hard. But work some time to spend some days with her.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Let her go. Love is the actual commitment, not the "feelings" which come and go.

ThatCanucker · Answer

If you are too busy for a relationship it kind of answers itself.

baseball_del_tuono · Answer

Of course you can commit you just don’t want to

slatyb · Answer

What does your schedule have to do with anything?

sheenagwapa · Answer

i'm sorry but it could be the end for yoy

Sparkie460 · Answer

It sounds like you lost her for good

OddBeMe · Answer

Doesn’t sound like love.

EaterPeter · Answer

Wish you have told truth

krin_m · Answer

Talk to her and find a middle ground.

JonesT10Apr · Answer

wait... patience rewards more goodness

Anonymous · Answer

you are a whore

In_Trance · Answer

Let it go

Anonymous · Answer

No you suck

I love her but I can't commit to her because of my work schedule. What should I do?

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