My ideal type asked me out and I rejcted him because I have a boyfriend. I’m not going to cheat but is it wrong to feel a disappointed I’m not single?

[Anonymous]

I had this cute coworker I met months before my boyfriend and I started dating. I just thought he was cute that’s it. He seems totally unattainable and out of my league so I just never thought too much about it, and from what I’d heard he had a girlfriend at the time.

I’ve been dating my now boyfriend for 7 months and love him to bits, he was never really my “type” but he’s him and love that even more. As much as I love him I know we’re going separate places at some point, it’s not a matter of how he treats me. Some people are there to grow with, not forever. I never grew up feeling desirable and he makes me feel like a first choice.

like I said in my intro this guy I used to find really attractive is now pursuing me and of course I’d never cheat but I just felt like getting this off my chest. I feel like a dick and if never risk my relationship for a guy who may not be half of what my boyfriend is and only looks good on paper. I just find myself myself restricted by him, somehow I'm not fully “in” somehow. It's less about the guy himself as I just feel constricted. I still feel lonely. I know it's messed up bit does anyone get what I'm saying even if it's wrong.

[Sunssong]

The placeholder thing I have no problem with if you both have discussed that you two aren't going to be together forever.

If you like this other guy, I think you should date him. Just make sure you tell your current boyfriend exactly why you're leaving him. If by chance he doesn't know about the placeholder thing, telling him the truth will help him move on. He'll hate you and that's better than him feeling worthless and missing you.

Maybe the mistake was dating your boyfriend in the first place. That doesn't make leaving him to date this new guy also a mistake.

[Asker]

We’re both in twenty and have been friends since our teen years. I won’t act like he doesn’t love me to the moon and back but we way we are I won’t see this being the end of our friendship. We’ve always been very close and made sure no matter where the relationship went we’d be fine. I don’t want to date this other guy specially I just find I’ve been feeling constrained in the relationship, kinda leaning onwards other options which isn’t fair to him. The love I have for him is still romantic but I could love him platonically still considering u know I don’t see a family future with him working out fully satisfied.

[Asker]

the way we are*

[Sunssong]

Constrained? I don't know what that means but I can tell you 100% of relationship problems come from lack of a joint, agreed upon vision and the progressive realization of such a vision.

[Anonymous]

Lol this is why you will most likely end up by yourself as you get older. You have a good man who you said makes you feel like a first choice, but you’re not happy w that you want more. Is this an ego boost or something as far as the man you think is cuter? Chances are he’d just bang you then leave. If he’s that cute he has a lot of options. Women never seem to be happy. Twenty years from now you’ll be complaining that all men are shit. Lesson to men women never seem to be happy w what they have. Someone who seems like he would do all he can for you but you want the cuter dude. Honestly if that’s how you feel then part ways now before he gets way too attached to the point that he wants to marry you.

[TheThingALing]

Lol! You know your value and your boyfriend gives you too much praise that you don't believe, so the more he does this, you see yourself as higher value.

Now you see guy who you think is out of your league and you want to be with him.

This is a great example to men..

Don't give women unearned compliments

And

Don't treat a hoe who knows she's a hoe like she a good girl

[Asker]

This is my only boyfriend and before him I was a virgin until I was 20. I chose not to date in high school and early college. I would have gladly taken the opportunity to talk to the guy if I was single. I thought he was out to my league but if someone shows interest, I couldn’t care less, clearly they like me. I don’t get your point considering in not a hoe and I’m not gonna get with the guy like I would have if I was single before.

[Anonymous]

First off love isn't PERFECT. You catch lightning in a bottle if you ever meet that person and form a relationship that is damn near perfect.

I think most of your problem is self esteem. It seems to me you don't really find yourself fully worthy of either guy (but that's another subject). It sounds like your loyal so I wouldn't worry about these feelings. You can love someone deeply and still think "what if had happened". Just don't indulge those feelings and it sounds like you know that. Also when we think "what if" we tend to look at things unrealistically. That really handsome guy probably just seems really handsome. I wouldn't go as far as to say you fantasized. But your "what if's" probably made him seem more attractive than he really is.

You sound really level headed and I don't think you need to worry. Just work on your self esteem. Because if you give to a man, YOU DESERVE to get. Stop thinking you're not worthy.

[Jamie05rhs]

"As much as I love him I know we’re going separate places at some point, it’s not a matter of how he treats me. Some people are there to grow with, not forever."

No, you don't love him. You're full of shit.
Break up with him now.

And this has nothing to do with the other guy. You weren't serious about your boyfriend even BEFORE the other dude asked you out! You were just dating him as a placeholder to pass the time.
Completely disgusting.

[Asker]

love isn’t a forever thing. Some people need to be in your life for a certain period of time and allowing people to leave when it’s time is apart of that. We don’t share similar beliefs but that doesn’t mean I’m some awful person I just understand certain connections and temporary.

[Asker]

are*

[Jamie05rhs]

Have asked him how he feels about it?

[Jamie05rhs]

"have you"

[Asker]

We both understand there are no guarantees at 20. He’d like to be together for along time but he knows even if we don’t we’ll always be close and a phone call away. We were friends years before this so although the relationship may not be forever our connect will stay.

[Jamie05rhs]

Hmm.

[Jamie05rhs]

Well, might as well dump him now! This is your perfect opportunity. Better to make the most of it!