Is it too much to want him to do some chores of his own accord when he knows I’m having a bad day?

[Anonymous]

I have not been feeling great lately (UTI, infection, lady issues) and as part of that I went out to get some blood tests after work as well as run some errands. Me and my partner are supposed to be going on holiday tomorrow but I’m feeling depressed because of my issues with my UTI etc. Other women will know what I mean when I say I am devastated. When I went out to the necessary blood tests, my boyfriend went out to test his new camera. Then he went out to exchange some money. But in all this he failed to at least empty the dishwasher before he went. I’ve been doing the dishes a lot this week so I was kind of annoyed when I got home and saw the kitchen in the same state I left it, especially because my health is making me feel less than energetic to do chores. I said to him that it would have been nice if he’d made a start on them. He started the dishes when I mentioned it, but it’s not the same as him thinking on his own ‘oh I’ll just get them out the way’. It took literally 5-10 mins. He said he didn’t have time today. But I think that’s crap. Instead of going out and playing with his new camera lens, he could have done the dishes then gone out. Simple. But the way he reacts is the issue. He jumps to the defence and says that I can‘t get what I want all the time. But the other day in another discussion, he told me something I did that upset him and I have to do XYZ. Why is it that he‘s allowed to tell me what to do in a certain situation because thats how he feels, yet when I tell him how coming home to dishes when I feel less than great is not what I want, I‘m not allowed to tell him what I‘d like him to do in that situation (conditional tense because obv I know there is always a chance you can't get what you want). I just want him to understand that coming home to a messy kitchen when I've done the kitchen so many times in a row really p*sses me off. But I‘m being too demandinf according to him. Help!

[BeMuse]

It's typical for women to act like they do everything and never notice any of the work men put in. The dishwasher is the classic nag. You have a machine that washes and dries dishes for you, but you act like you're the one washing the dishes and drying them by hand... It's an automated robot lady get over yourself... And of course you load and unload every single dish every single time right and every single dish that ends up in the kitchen is from someone else, never from you... It simple, if you want something done right now, then do it yourself. As he said, he didn't have time today because he already had plans to do other things. Another day he will probably run several loads of dishes when you're not around, and will he ever get credit for it? Not likely... I figured out that female behavior when I was a kid. I use to keep dishes in my bedroom for like 3 days stacked on my desk just so I could hear my mom complain about the dishes all over the kitchen and then I'd be like those were all your dishes not a single spoon or glass was mine. You were complaining about your own dirty ass. I have my past 3 days of dishes in my room. Then I'd bring them out and load my own dishes and turn them on just to point out her poor behavior. I've seen the same nag with tons of women over the years. I doubt you're any different.

[BeMuse]

Feminism has taught women to avoid personal responsibility and to shift blame to men... It's a cultural problem.

[Asker]

Wow woman hater much. If you have nothing nice to say, don‘t say it at all. People come on here for actual empathy and advice you know.

[BeMuse]

I don't hate women. You hate men and are projecting. I'm pointing out a behavior problem. If you don't want to work on yourself and fix your behavior, you'll continue to be an unhappy person that put your stress onto your partner and continue to be an emotional abuser.

[BeMuse]

*puts
*continues

[BeMuse]

But thanks for proving my point that you can't take personal responsibility and have to shift blame onto men. I'm not even dating you and you want to try to nag me...

[Asker]

I don‘t hate men. I came on this forum for non-aggressive advice with no judgement. You are judging me, not me men. As I said, got nothing nice to say, don‘t say it.

[BeMuse]

You're definitely a narcissist.

[spartan55]

Why don't you ask him to do it beforehand and you could avoid. Him having to 'think of it on his own' and read your mind is bullshit. Bullshit that could avoided if you would just communicate what you want.

[Anonymous]

You shouldn't have to babysit a man. He should be able to help you out.

[Asker]

Normally he does pitch in and do his bit - he is not totally lazy. He does do chores without me telling him. But on days where I want him to use his initiative, he doesn't and I end up being mad. I‘d rather he be lazy when Im feeling good and proactive when Im not!

[Apple1996]

He should help out especially since you are not feeling well

[BoopBoopBeep]

Who did the cooking this week? The other person should load/unload the dishes.

[Asker]

I did the cooking

[BoopBoopBeep]

Then why's he being a whiny punk? What's the dynamic here? Tradwife? Dual income? let's back up some because I don't want to blame someone I shouldn't.

[Asker]

We both work, I do most of the cooking, and we normally both pitch into chores when wr can. On a good day, I wouldn’t mind coming home to dishes. But on a bad day like this, this is the day where I would have wanted him to do them because I‘ve told him countless times that on a bad day, a messy kitchen really peeves me off. To him, it’s just chores. But to me I feel loved when he does something he knows I would want. A clean kitchen means a lot to me. Sad but true. But today, instead of quickly doing them before going out, he went out to try out his new camera gear. And it makes me sad thar he didn't just think about what I would want. I know it’s a small thing but it means a lot to me.

[BoopBoopBeep]

I mean it takes ten minutes to unload the dishwasher. So he's inconsiderate for not doing it and your petty for arguing about it. I'm not saying that's my personal opinion but that's how that will play out, so given that, is this a hill worth dying on, as we say in the military?

[runnerboy]

Not at all that is what a relationship is all about. You should function as a team

[Asker]

Exactly and normally we do. But heaven forbid I want something done…

[runnerboy]

Are u sure you want to stay in this relationship?

[Asker]

No Im not

[runnerboy]

It might be time to move on

[Shamalien]

You asked him to help and he helped. Take that “I shouldn’t have to ask” attitude and shove it