What do you think is really going on?

[Anonymous]

earlier this week, my 4 year relationship ended for reasons beyond me. I really wanted to work it out and continue it since his issues are fixable with therapy which I could’ve supported with him. He kept saying the same thing of needing space so he can understand himself better and what he wants from life since he started becoming unsure of that too. What made me confused was that he went to a drastic measure to end the relationship when nothing necessarily horrible happened, and it still doesn’t make sense to me on what was the benefit behind that for him besides that he wasn’t trying to string me along and let me be “free” when I still wanted to be with him. He stated that he was unsure on if he wanted to continue a relationship with me after therapy, didn’t really want to communicate with me while he was going through this process, and basically have nothing to do with me anymore. Again, very drastic over something I’m not at fault for.

coincidentally, his mom texted me the same day we broke up and I told her what happened. She was saddened by the news, and the following night she texted again to check in on me. I didn’t have a close bond with her since she had said rude stuff to me before. But, she disclosed to me that the whole “family” specifically her mom, her husband, and her daughter believe he’s doing this to mature/straighten up before committing to me/marriage. I didn’t say much about it besides “I hope,” and then she asked if I would spend time with her on Sundays for church since I planned on moving to his city for him in a couple of months for school. I said sure just to not be rude, and that was that. But, now I’m unsure if she made that claim after talking with her son about it or if they were assuming. It’s giving me false hope indirectly if it isn’t true about the relationship especially since he didn’t give off those impressions during the breakup. What do you think?

Updates

11 mo

Whenever I talked with him a couple of times though about mailing an item out for me that I wanted back, he kept saying how he just needed time/space. That was also kind of implying that after he gets enough time/space to process things, he’d want to continue again to me but I’m not sure if I interrupted it the wrong way

[Anonymous]

It's unclear what is going on with your ex-partner and his family, and the only person who can provide clarity is your ex-partner himself. It's important to prioritize self-care and to surround yourself with supportive friends and family members.

It's possible that his family may have some insight into his thought process and intentions, but ultimately, it's up to him to communicate his feelings and intentions with you clearly and honestly. It's understandable that you may feel confused and uncertain about what is happening, especially given the sudden and drastic nature of the breakup.

[Asker]

Thank you. I am just unsure how to feel and what to do since his behavior is not normal to his parent's eyes besides waiting until the 30 days are up hoping he wants me still.

[Opinion Owner]

You’re welcome and It's understandable to feel unsure about what to do in this situation. It's important to remember that you deserve to be with someone who is committed to the relationship and treats you with respect and kindness.

While it can be tempting to wait and hope for your ex-partner to come back to you, it's important to prioritize your own well-being and not put your life on hold waiting for someone else. It may be helpful to focus on your own personal growth and development during this time, whether that means pursuing new hobbies or interests, starting a new exercise routine, or connecting with friends and family.

It's also important to remember that you are not alone in this. Many people go through breakups and it can be a difficult and emotional time. It may be helpful to seek the support of a therapist or counselor, who can provide a safe and non-judgmental space to process your emotions and develop coping strategies.

Tthe decision about what to do next is up to you. It may be helpful to take some time to reflect on what you want and need in a relationship, and to communicate your feelings and boundaries clearly with your ex-partner if and when you do decide to reconnect.

[Christoff92]

It's not you. He really loves you. It's him. Going through family oppression, child trauma, grief, etc. He doesn't want you to be around him afraid it might affect you.

He's just trying to protect you. I suggest talk with him about it. Don't fear it's you. Never think that 😊

[Asker]

But he said that he didn’t want to continue the relationship after he finished therapy. Why’s that then? But he doesn’t want me to communicate with him for a month, and then after that he said we could be “friends.” But I’m afraid he’s trying to let us split slowly.

[Christoff92]

He assuming needs the time to be by himself to rid whatever he's going through. It's not you. No worries. He fears you might pressure him. Also assuming. Maybe give him a chance to rewire himself.

[Asker]

So you do think after he goes to therapy, has some space/time, that he’ll come back around when he’s ready to be with me?

[Christoff92]

Yes. Absolutely

[Asker]

Can you explain your reasoning behind that, please? What makes you think so? He just seemed very upset/cold/distant when we were talking about it last and it was a little harsh, so I want to make sure.

[Christoff92]

Assuming he had other Girlfriends that had controlling hot tempered attitudes. He doesn't want to be a guinea pig to women like that. So maybe asked him about it. Me personally don't like women of that type either 😕

[Asker]

I can't contact him right now due to the no-communication rule he wanted to try for 30 days.. but he had a couple of shorter relationships before me, where he said that he didn't think it was working out since they were different. He didn't mention if they were controlling hot-tempered women, though.

[Christoff92]

Oh. OK he's going on a silent fast. My friend also done that for 30 days. It's ok. He's not going to expell you. No worries.

[Asker]

What signs or thoughts make you think he will not expel me?

[Christoff92]

That he wants to be more humble more calmer once he gets back with you.

[Asker]

I hope. Do you mind if I pm you when he returns after those 30 days or even now? Because you are very optimistic/positive about him, I am unsure if I am properly giving you all the details about the situation since I am not optimistic.

[Christoff92]

After the 30 days 😊

[Asker]

Thank you. I will pm you now so you know it is me, and then we can chat at that time.