I revenge cheated once and have no remorse for it, is that bad?

[Anonymous]

About 3 years ago, I found out my then first boyfriend (now ex boyfriend) cheated. I discovered an old text message from 2 years ago. He kept denying it until pleading when confronting him with the evidence.

So 5 days later, I revenge cheated with a former college acquaintance I felt nothing for. I just wanted revenge and it done and over it. I felt it wasn't fair that he had his sex meanwhile I gave up my virginity to him. I told him the next, he tried working it out but I broke up afterwards. I only regret wasting time and lowering myself to his level but have no remorse for that cheating.

Present-day:

I've been in a new relationship for 1 year now. We don't really know each other's dating past. He never asked if I ever cheated. I'm not sure if this conversation will pop up one day. Is it bad that I have no remorse for cheating back on my ex boyfriend?

Updates

10 mo

So now I've been intimate with 3 men in my life:
- The stupid cheater.. unfortunately my first
- My former acquaintance (though briefly, just for revenge)
- My current boyfriend

Updates

10 mo

I cheated on my ex boyfriend out of spite, in anger, out of hatred for what he did.

[Anonymous]

Unlike every other response here I actually understand where you are coming from. If I was in your shoes I'd be furious however I still believe you did make a mistake. Cheating is never okay. But I don't think you had cheating intent at all it was just revenge kind of anger that made you do it. Now if you know deep down you would never cheat again than this is something you should try your best to forget about and forgive yourself for. Also I just wanna say I hope you realize how stupid that was to cheat for revenge. Just think about it. If he cheated on you he probably don't love you very much therefore wouldn't give a shit if you cheated back. So I think that revenge was kind of stupid. I wish you good luck in the future.👍

[Asker]

yeah I'm never cheating again. In the end it wasn't worth it. The feeling of being hurt like that never goes away even after getting revenge. So basically it solved nothing. I should've broken up immediately. I'll do that if someone new cheats on me; it's over immediately.
Believe it or not, if he had confessed the following day, I would've still broke up but not do the revenge cheating. I feel it makes a difference (even if it's just minimum or not much) when a cheater confesses the next day or so vs lying to you and you have to catch them or find out elsewhere.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Revenge cheating never hurts the other person as much as when they cheated. They'd already emotionally checked out, at least a little, or they wouldn't have done that.

[Bklynbadboy12]

Nope nothing is wrong with that he didn't have any remorse when he did it. Did you tell him you did it

[Asker]

Nope, no remorse till I confronted him when the evidence. It's unbelievable how they can calmly look you in the eyes and deny it, do it with such level of confidence and then their expression changes suddenly when you throw them the evidence... then they want another chance, plead, etc. Pathetic.
At least when I revenge cheated, I told him in his face afterwards.

[Bklynbadboy12]

What wad his response when you told him

[Asker]

Surprisingly he wanted to try working things out. At least he didn't act like one of those ''stud/slut'' hypocrite but I still dump him.

[Bklynbadboy12]

I have to be honest I'm shocked by that response as well cause we can dish it out but we can never take it

[Asker]

Honestly, I would have no sympathy either if a girl cheated and the guy cheated back in revenge. The cheater (regardless of gender) is always in the wrong. They inflicted pain.

[Bklynbadboy12]

So true well said! I love the way you think salute 🫡

[chloeaimeejensen]

That revenge sex was a waste of time. If you really wanted revenge then you should of made it personal such as fucking your boyfriends best mate or brother.

As for weather you should tell your present boyfriend weather you cheated or not, I wouldn’t because you didn’t actively look to cheat to begin with, you only cheated because your boyfriend did first.

[xColinx]

Probably not the best idea but it happened and you've moved on. Live & Learn :)

It's cool you're asking for opinions, because you seem genuinely interested in self-reflection and open to outside opinions. But I'd say the best thing for you at this point is to try to completely let go of that past baggage.

[xColinx]

And just to make sure my main point is clear: you have nothing to apologize for and no one you should feel the need to apologize to. So... no reason to feel any remorse! Right?

I have a somewhat related situation I'm curious to get your advice about. If you don't mind could i message you to try to explain?

[Anonymous]

There are people who have cheated and those who have never cheated. You are one of those who has cheated and nothing will change that. Everyone who cheats has a reason, an explanation, a justification for their cheating; that is just the way cheaters are and you are not different.

[Asker]

I reacted to getting lied to, betrayed, cheated on and finding out I've wasted 2 years of my life on that bastard. I cheated out of hatred towards him, towards what he did.

[Asker]

I cheated out of revenge towards getting cheated on. I did it out of anger and hatred.

[nolabels]

I'd say look at what is best for you and those you surround yourself with.

You're young.

That's all I'm going to say on the subject.

[Billlewis]

Oh my goodness, no... but then again, I always believe a woman should have the right to fuck any guy she wants, whether the guy she's dating is behaving himself or not... lol

[MementoMori777]

yep it is, its a red flag is what people would consider it and you are a cheater, it is what it is tho

[Asker]

I snapped. My ex boyfriend didn't just cheated but lied about it for 2 whole years. That's wasting someone's time. When I cheated, I did it out of hatred by then.

[MementoMori777]

well i guess if someone ever finds that out, it can eventually manipulate your current relationship, because you are basically no different than the cheater you were so angry with, you are a cheater as well, except he did it out of horniness, you did it out of anger, there's just no justification for it cause its just a bad action to do.

[RHK36]

Cheating is never okay. The fact that you have no remorse means you felt the cheat was okay. It's not, it's a sign of being selfish and immature. Just leave a relationship, no need to eye for an eye.

[Asker]

It's a mix of feelings at once. I don't have remorse for cheating back on him but kind of regret lowering myself to his level, wasting time instead of dumping him and the fact that I didn't even enjoy it at all; felt nothing for that acquaintance.

[slatyb]

Seems normal to me. Did you continue the relationship with your ex-boyfriend after that?

[Asker]

Nope, I broke up after the revenge. That was my plan, cheating back, confess to it and then break up.

[spartan55]

You doing that says quite a bit about your moral code. I wouldn't touch you with a ten foot pole.

[Ms_Facesitter]

Revenge feels good sometimes but it's sad that it had to go that far.

[Stevenk0964]

Two wrongs don’t make a right. Both of you were in the wrong. If it means that much to you then you might want to consider talking to your current boyfriend about it.

[Asker]

Yes I'll never waste another minute of my time if I ever get cheated by someone else. I'll just immediately dumped him but yeah I was too hurt at that time (he took my virginity, I really thought we had a future) that I reacted out of hatred by then.

[mommymommymommy]

I'm guessing you're also a "christian"?

[Asker]

Not really

[mommymommymommy]

im sure you are

[Anonymous]

I think you know the answer to this. Question is does our answer matter. And if not then why are you asking?

[Jmmmfi4]

You're a female... I wouldn't expect you to regret it

[Asker]

The only thing I regret is wasting time on that and lowering myself to his level but I don't have remorse for him.

[Jmmmfi4]

You're a female I wouldn't expect you to

[In_Trance]

whatever works for you

[WanderingLoveWizard]

Fair is fair

[WanderingLoveWizard]

If someone punches me in the face, I'm not just gonna walk away. I'm gonna hit them back