Should I give our relationship another chance or end things?

[Anonymous]

I'll cut short in points

Been together since 7.5 years

He has always been careless, emotionally immature kind of person. I always thought he'll get better with time. Since He grew up in super protected environment.

He didn't even do bare minimum efforts and didn't treated me properly , my fault being i never complained and expressed and so he thought its okay to be like that. (And i was waiting that things come from his side itself without me asking)

I used to suffer without letting him know much, me being a hopeless romantic n sensitive person.

Now he's asking me to teach him how to treat girls so that he can do better. I feel its not my place to do. Its something his parents / friends/ himself should have taught him.

As a person he is very pure of heart, honest, and all. But he's superr dumbo and kinda avoid difficult conversations.

Tbh its kinda difficult for me and maybe I'm getting emotional since i have spent soo much time and energy for this guy.

I really wish things worked out but i dont want to lose myself in the process too.

One part of me is like.. should give another chance

Another being let it go. Things might not get better in future as well.

Another is just be friends. I help him develop as a person as a supportive friend. And if things work out or we feel we can try. Otherwise just friends.

Another chance

Break up

Be friends for now

[lightbulb27]

didn't vote... tough call isn't it. you went with an immature guy and he needs trained. It concerns me that he may not respect or value you... e. g. love you... you have to really assess that. If not, then you train him and he goes to someone else is a risk. If you feel good about his draw to you, then he needs trained.

you answered part of your question... you are sensitive, probably introverted somewhat.

It's easy to "just be whom we are"... the awareness of change is step one and can take... decades. I know 60+ year olds that are just realizing they need change. People don't want to change. If he wants to, that is positive. Actually changing takes work.

You both have some growing to do. I could write a lot but anons often aren't worth investing in. be a real person, maybe I say more as you ask more questions.

It's your path of life, you decide how to invest given all the other factors.

[Asker]

Thankyou so much! That was really really helpful!

[Asker]

Sorry to bother you again. I just felt like i need some sensible mature opinions since I'm not able to make sense
Yesterday he called and asked what all things made you feel like you dont want to be in the relationship. I explained him things like you need to understand how your actions matter to people who love you including his parents and try to understand how other feel and stuff.
He asked me to be straightforward and tell things on his face. Seemed like he's trying or want to work things out.

Yet again i dont know feels like a gamble. It's difficult to let him go since I've loved hin since i was 15 (now 23), imagined my whole life with him.

What bothers me is he didn't take stand for me when his parents disapproved me for some real lame silly reasons. And decided to ghost me without giving me any clue about parents part n i felt shit during that time n confronted him.

[lightbulb27]

no problem, it's best part of being here, having normal conversations. You are not getting respect from his family and you are the mature adult from what you write. Basically, being slapped in the face probably how it feels... put down. That needs fixed.
I divide things into what you can take responsibility for, what's his responsibility and what work that needs done in the relationship.
You own standing up for yourself. Being sensitive, introverted is easy to be put down by others... you feel more, probably don't want to hurt others, don't communicate feelings, and don't stand up for self (all patterns that go with this until you get strong). Others will hurt you easily and the effect lingers. So you have to develop deep self worth/esteem, communicate clearly. Be your strong self. Work on this, ways to do it... practice, heal wounds, forgive, etc.. Speak your truth, don't apologize for it, but do it in strength, and they respect you more. Do it in weakness, they run over you as worthless. Not everyone thinks like you... good thing to learn. Is this resonating or am I off base? So in this scenario, you can communicate to him how his actions felt and hurt and that's not how you treat a girlfriend... no matter what the parents say. Tell him to be a man and needs to grow up.

[lightbulb27]

* He has plenty work to do on himself to learn to be man for his woman [it's concerning you said help him with girls... what girl... you?], it's good he's asking... and guys like direct communication. Girls often don't like direct communication. I don't have clear view of his personality, but sounds like he's not safe going against his parents.
* The relationship - So tell him what the problems are, how it feels and gauge if he understands and can relate. Some people cannot empathize as well. See if he is willing to work on and fix, and fast (since gone on so long). This is kinda normal in relationships and often, leads to failure... letting emotional stressors linger. Assess if he can make decisions separate from parents and why they not like you. Ideally, you need to win over the parents with your maturity. Big issue... if can't win parents, and he can't leave them... you are done. Else let someone else suffer growing him up.
What kind of commitment you have from this guy? I hope you are getting something out of this.

[lightbulb27]

Yes, you can try again, so you don't have regrets. Not clear to me how long you actually been working. But do it from strength not despair, and get what you need for respect and security. Know you are in a battle to raise a child to a man... and probably take long time.
You are Asian yes, I read that in how you write. He is not Asian? My wife is Asian and wrote the same... thus assumption. I met her on GAG years back. We have some experiences you are running into, it's tough sometimes, but have to work through. Follow me so I can see your profile if you like.

[Asker]

For first one you're not at all off base. Yeah thankyou! I'll work on I'll stand up for myself

[lightbulb27]

common personality traits. start to figure yourself out... get to a better position, everything around you changes. You are the source of your environment. Hard lesson learned... you cannot control others, just yourself. You can hold boundaries... do so loving with consideration and understanding, but they don't have a right to run you over and wipe feet on them. Gotta put people in their places, even when they are in high status.
good job, you can do it!:)

[Asker]

Yeah (2nd one). Technically his parents like me or lets say they are fine with me.. according to the way they are with me now compared to earlier.
His mom disapprove of me because i belong form another state, I'm not a medical doctor ( i am pursuing phd) and I'm not as rich as his family ( i do belong to a well settled family with comfortable living, but not richie rich). I can't help with any of those reasons.

I guess I'll let him work on himself and see how things go.

Yes I'm from India, and so is he.
I'm already following you. I'll ping you so that you can identify me.

[lightbulb27]

What's yea 2nd one refer to? I've seen these dynamics around Indian people in usa, the parents are very influential in whom their kids associate with/marry. If parents approve you have a chance. It's still work if he's immature or spoiled.
Whatever you do, combine the 2nd chance with effort on both sides and see if there's progress. He should be out here asking questions about how to treat his girlfriend because she's upset and he doesn't understand, so it isn't all your job.
It's good you are dealing with this rather than ignoring it... very mature.

[Asker]

Thankyou so much!!

[ohsheeT]

Have you ever seen your brother or sister or your parents get a new friend that they hang out with and pretty soon they start acting and talking and walking just like them

You would think after that period of time with you that he would have picked up on some things

When he asked you how to treat a girl or to teach him how to treat a girl you should have said well how do you treat a boy how do you treat a puppy dog how do you treat your parents how do you treat somebody that you love and you have to think before you do

I thank you have honestly already chose your own answer by what I've read you kind of feel like you're going to keep growing and he's not and that right there is a minus I personally cannot tell you what to do but I think you already have your answer I think you're looking for way more and you want to grow you want to experience new things

[Asker]

That's a really good point to be honest! Thankyou soo much!!

[ohsheeT]

Very welcome. Good luck in what ever you do

[SakuraBlossoms87]

He doesn't need "training" YOU do.

Because until you respect yourself men are ALWAYS going to treat you poorly.

I mean you say that you didn't complain or ask for better so your "boyfriend" KNEW he could get away with doing little to NOTHING and you would always be there.

He DOES NOT respect you because he has NO reason to respect you. You put up with being treated poorly, without respect, by someone who put minimal effort into you.

And that LACK of respect he has for you is VERY obvious here:
"Now he's asking me to teach him how to treat girls so that he can do better. I feel its not my place to do. Its something his parents / friends/ himself should have taught him."

You'd be a desperate self-pittying fool who will damn herself to be treated like this for all of her life because of little self respect / self esteem / confidence to even be a friend with this person.

[EmmaMary]

You really are just bashing your head against a brick wall with wishful hoping.

He's never going to change like a leopard never changes its spots.

As hard as it may be, it's time to go in your different directions and move on with your life.

Sorry for the harshness in pointing out the truth and reality of your extremely sad situation.

[Asker]

Thankyou for your honest opinions.

[EmmaMary]

You are so very welcome indeed.

And I wish you all good luck for your future happiness. x

[EmmaMary]

Thank you for the MHO.

[Chikky]

At this internet age, don't tell me he hasn't learned anything from it all this while. It's best you let the relationship go for your mental health

[Asker]

I have my inclination towards the same

[DaisyM23]

why did you stay for 7+ years when he's treated you like this? i know it's hard and you've probably been blindsided by the good to dismiss the bad but it's not worth it, and why does he only want to change now suddenly? i don't know do what you feel is best for you

[Asker]

Sure. Thankyou

[devilish-cutie]

you can give it a chance and help him understand you better and your needs if he is wiliing to learn, why not. If he still acts like an idiot and doesn't want to implement it than let him be and dont try unless he puts an effort, than you may consider it but dont ever overgive than, he needs to want you and show it.

[Asker]

Yeah i need to be sure of his willingness

[Finchie40]

The truth is he isn’t going to change , He is who is the second you met him , the only person that changed was you , with having the hopes that in time he will change for you , and that’s where you went wrong , Ask yourself this question? Has he asked you to change who you are?

[Asker]

Yeah! True. I can't ask someone to change.

[sheikalana]

I'll be very honest with you. I do not support giving second chances to people. They already had one chance to prove how much they want me and how much they want things to work if they mess up then let's leave it like that and move on. I didn't read your post entirely but from what I read is not worth giving another chance. I believe you deserve someone so much better.

[Asker]

Thankyou!

[richardcory]

How much of the time you were with him were you happy?

[Asker]

It's been both. But have suffered more since recent few years.

[richardcory]

Relationships should make both people happy most of the time. If they don't its time to find someone else.

[BoopBoopBeep]

What possible reason could you have to stick around after you describe it like this?

[Asker]

Its the Attachment and emotions that are messing

[spartan55]

You can't be friends, so I would get that idea out of your head. He doesn't sound like he was a good boyfriend, but definitely had your part in it not working out.

[slatyb]

"I always thought he'll get better with time." Never, never, never enter a relationship expecting the other person to change.

[provokeesmokee]

If it's been several years, he will not improve.

Break up. He is a child at heart and isn't capable of being in an adult relationship.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

People on this site are big on breaking up like nothing can ever change, so forget it!😭
That's stupid. Don't listen to these bitter fools

[WanderingLoveWizard]

You can't change people, no, but you can enlighten them as to how their behavior affects people and inspire them to change themselves

[Asker]

Thankyou sm

[shades777]

there's always the Maury Show

[WanderingLoveWizard]

😂😂

[Leon87]

Open a discussion about it let him talk don’t interrupt then explain how he makes you feel of you can’t compromise move on

[Anonymous]

This has nothing to do with the question, but I love to the bone as the cover for the question!

[LazerBean]

Break up 6.5 years ago

[whistlingwh0res]

All men are thief