My friend group is a group of three of us and out of the three of us only one has any experiences with relationships. I’m going to refer to her by her first initial, T. T has been in a pretty serious relationship now for 4 years and it’s getting more serious. They’re saving for a house together and plan to start trying for children within the next few months. I have no experience with relationships of guys in general, I’m to career driven at the moment but eventually I’d like to meet someone. T tells me that my expectations in guys are too high. To make it short and sweet, I hope to find a guy that is respectful and loyal and I’d hope to have a physical attraction to him as well as an emotional. I want to be able to love someone and trust someone and know that they feel the same way about me and I hope that we could lift each other up and encourage each other. T’s boyfriend is loyal but he has said some pretty questionable things to her, if he doesn’t like her clothes he’ll call them disgusting and tell her to change, she sent him a photo of us and our friend on vacation and he told her that her arms were getting fat and that they’d go to the gym when she gets home. But she said that his comments are okay because they’re truthful. He is a family guy and he likes to make sure that she prioritises his family even if that means cancelling her plans with my friend and I. He tells her what she should and shouldn’t spend her money on and basically has her convinced that she has a spending problem. I’ve known her for 13 years and she’s always been pretty careful with her money. I guess I’m afraid of settling for a relationship like that. She tells me that I won’t find what I’m looking for and that I’ll have to compromise. It worries me a little because for me personally, I would not do well in a relationship like hers. Do you think that I’m asking for too much?
Do I have my expectations set too high?
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No, you are absolutely not asking for too much. Your expectations are perfectly reasonable and your friend's advice doesn't make much sense. It's never too much to expect mutual respect, trust and support from your partner. It is natural to want to have someone who will uplift you and encourage you instead of bringing you down with questionable comments.
Don't settle for less just because your friend said so. Wait until you find someone who meets your standards and who treats you with the love and respect you deserve.
That’s reassuring to hear, thank you. I was starting to convince myself that I really was asking for too much and I should lower my standards a bit.
No, those are extremely basic standards.
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