I want to study abroad (F19) next year, but my boyfriend (M21) will most likely break up with me if I do. What should I do?

Question

For context, my boyfriend and I have been long distance for the duration of our 8-month relationship. He lives in our hometown, and I go to school a couple of hours away. We see one another when I come home on breaks, and he visits occasionally, which is the best thing ever. We are both extremely devoted to one another, so the distance never bothered us too much. However, right now, we are going through a bit of a rough patch because I am spending the summer interning in another country, and we aren't able to see one another at all. The good news is, after this summer, we will no longer be long distance because he is transferring to a school near mine (to clarify: he didn't pick it because it was near me, and I would never ask him to do that lol). But, I was planning to study abroad next spring semester, which means that we will have to return to long distance. We had a discussion about it and, understandably, he said that he wasn't sure that he would be able to survive another period of long distance, especially given what we are going through right now. He said that he would obviously try his hardest, but he isn't sure what would happen, which I get. It hurts, but it's the truth, and it's completely understandable. He felt bad because he felt like he was offering me some sort of "ultimatum," but assured me that he would support me 100% if I chose to leave. He said he would push me onto the plane if he had to. I know the logical choice, especially at this stage of my life, would be to study abroad, but he's the first boy who's shown me true kindness, so I'm extremely scared of the possibility of losing him. I also feel bad because I feel like he has made so many sacrifices for this relationship. I'm just so conflicted and am wondering if there are some people who have gone through similar situations.

madhatters4 · Accepted Answer

you two have been together for 8-months?

I think that you need to do what you feel is best for you. If a semester abroad is what you really want then you should seriously consider doing it regardless of the impact on your relationship. one thing i learned growing up is that making life decisions based on relationships at that age is perilous. the reality is that at your ages the odds are against you two being together forever (just the fact). so deciding not to do something that could benefit you in many ways just to satisfy the relationship should only be done knowing that in the end (like years down the line) be a source of regret.

i went through long distance in college with a girlfriend studying abroad. it didn't damage our relationship, but ultimately we didn't end up together in the end (we had a two year run). i imagine my ex would be full of regret if she hadn't done the study abroad and we ultimately broke up regardless.

make your decision based on your personal beliefs... but my opinion. study abroad IF it's something you really want to do. hope that he works on just doing long distance for the (4-6months). if not perhaps you two can re-establish your relationship when you get back... just my opinion... I know it's not an easy decision. Good luck. Let us know what happens

BCA6010 · Accepted Answer

Study Abroad programs are, in my opinion, overrated but have unique value for the perspective and experience they bring. If you're looking at one that is of genuine benefit though, you should take it.

Now for the part you probably don't want to hear. College relationships are frequently not meant to last whether you realize it at the time or not, and the fact it's been long distance for more than half a year makes it even more expendable for lack of a better word. In my opinion, based on what you've said, you should take the program.

Alli39 · Accepted Answer

Go abroad. If he's not there when you come back then that's that but frankly he may very well be and you guys can always reconnect then. You could always propose some kind of break with him and navigate things like exclusive/non-exclusive, what level of commitment, etc before you leave. Also make sure that you're connecting more with your platonic friends in the meantime so that you aren't at a complete loss when you don't have the same sort of emotional access to him as before.

I honestly think he'd be there when you get back, so discuss with him, set clear boundaries, manage expectations, and enjoy yourself. He may be the first guy you've found, but if it doesn't work out then he won't be the last and pausing/ending things mutually now will save you a lot of heartbreak and trauma down the line if things don't work out the way you're hoping. You're in a really tough situation, but you got this.

BasedBaeBecca · Accepted Answer

It's definitely a tough situation to be in and it's understandable that you would be scared to potentially lose your relationship.

If you feel strongly about studying abroad, then don't let fear stop you from pursuing your dream. Long-distance relationships can be hard, but communication and trust are key to making them work.

You don't have to decide right at this moment, but you two should have more conversations about the potential study-abroad program and how you could make the long-distance relationship work while staying faithful to each other.

Good luck and stay strong! 😊

Summeroflove · Answer

He can’t control what you do. Yeah, if he breaks up with you it sucks. But he doesn’t control your life. It doesn’t even mean he’s bad if he breaks up. But maybe it’s not meant to be.

A real relationship has to get better over time and endure hardships besides cheating. If someone cheats you should just dump them honestly.

But you need to decide what you want to do. Then just do it

pervertedjester · Answer

It will be easier to say goodbye for a few years. All the drama that comes with a ldr isn't worth the headache.

Avicenna · Answer

You're young. Don't give up opportunities for this guy.

RavVid · Answer

Tough call. I have only had short duration long term relationships when I was working overseas which is not at all the same. I have noticed bfs &gfs breaking up when one or other goes on a working holiday overseas trip. I find that a little difficult to understand but it seems to be done amicably.

Much harder for the one left behind and I think there would be fidelity doubts associated with this scenario.

If it is strongly associated with your academic goals then it would seem to be unavoidable.

Miristheiss · Answer

Of course.

I'd break up too. Long distance relationships are the dumbest thing ever.

It is the age of feminism... career is always the most important thing in the universe. Spend all of your peak years of when you are the most fertile and attractive... chasing 3 degrees and putting work as your God. I must "study abroad" Yeah, what the hell for? Oh yeah, feminism. Being independent, school, career... is your God. Career, school, money, career, corporate ladder, extra degrees for my wall...

Go follow your study abroad quest. You two will break up. Find someone else later.

Two people chasing careers in other parts of the world can't be a couple.

It isn't rocket science. Quit whining about it and just break up already.

provokeesmokee · Answer

Go study abroad. That will do more for you than keeping your boyfriend will.

A friend of mine went to study abroad for a year and her then-bf proposed so they would be engaged while she was away - and they planned the wedding shortly after her return.

Aakash_Hangargi · Answer

You have already made your decision it's tough one but go on your journey.

If you don't you will always feel that you missed out an golden opportunity reason being your boyfriend

Break up is better than regretting lost opportunity.

I would say give a pause to your relationship let him also find someone else and you do to.

If it works it works if not you may still have a chance to be together 9f you believe that you couldn't leave without each other

Staximus · Answer

Let's get down to brass tacks here. Unless it 100% guarantees you a better future, you don't need to study abroad. You also don't need a boyfriend. These are just 2 things you want that appeal to your desires and feelings. So pick which one you want more.

SnowedIn · Answer

You should study abroad. Not just for your goals but think about this: if a guy (the guy) isn't willing to support you, is he really the guy you want to be with?

KatherineJ · Answer

If he is that controlling that he would say “if you go I’m breaking up with you”, he’s not the one. Never give up the chance for a life changing experience for someone.

peedy · Answer

The is an old saying "you can't have your cake and eat it to" it simply mean you can't have everything you want choices sometimes hard ones have to be made Good luck

LiamJHayden · Answer

Do not sacrifice your future for a relationship, especially one where there is no legal commitment.

Anonymous · Answer

You do whats best for you.

If you leave, you have to expect him to end things. There is a zero percent chance you would stay loyal and he knows that it’s not in his best interests to wait for the inevitable.

Anonymous · Answer

Absolutely 100% go and do the thing, your boyfriend doesn't mean shit.

Anonymous · Answer

Men are easy to find, but you will only have one education. Go and study.

electromagnetic · Answer

Go abroad.

I want to study abroad (F19) next year, but my boyfriend (M21) will most likely break up with me if I do. What should I do?

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I want to study abroad (F19) next year, but my boyfriend (M21) will most likely break up with me if I do. What should I do?

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