Was this a stupid move giving him a key to my house even though we aren’t officially together?

[xolaurenxx]

I’ve been seeing this guy for around 8 months and we’re having a baby. He’s said though he dosent want a relationship but he loves me and wants to be with me in the future but he’s not asked the question even though we’re having a baby but obviously I don’t think he ever will ask. I already give him everything with no commitment.

I recently moved house for me and our child it’s a lovely lovely home, everyone’s so shocked at how nice it is and how it’s worth the money. Since then he has asked for a key and goes there without me and has got all his stuff there and comes in and out and chills with me there and we still sleep together but we aren’t officially together.

was I wrong for giving him a key at I getting used. He keeps everything of his there and sleeps with me and we act as if we are togrther but we aren’t. I moved in a week ago but I just gave him a key because it felt right to do as that’s his sons house not just mine. He’s told me he will pay I don’t know if he will I haven’t gotten any money from him yet it’s just been be giving him money when he needs it.

was this a bad idea, I just love him a lot and I do everything for him so it felt right to give him a key. I’m just nervous thinking he can bring other women round even though my room is pink themed lol. I’m not sure if I made the right decision and if he’s coming to the house out or caring for me or just out of loving it and sleeping with me.

[Oliverlogan263]

It does sound like you may have moved too fast in giving this man a key to your home. Some things to consider:

• You two are not officially in a relationship, so giving him full access to your home is a big step. Most couples wait to do that until they are seriously committed.

• The fact that he has no commitment to you or your child, but now has free access to your home, is concerning. He is getting the benefits of a relationship without the commitment.

• If he wanted to build a true life with you, he likely would have made that official by now. His actions suggest he may just be enjoying the benefits you provide while giving little in return.

• You deserve a partner who enthusiastically chooses you and wants to build a committed future with you and your child, not someone who is half-in, half-out of the relationship.

• Giving him a key so early likely reduces your negotiating power going forward. Now that he has access, it may be harder to set proper relationship boundaries.

• Moving slowly and setting clear expectations is best, especially when having a child together is involved. Open communication is key.

In hindsight, I would recommend having a conversation with him about expectations, commitment and boundaries going forward. Let him know you want an official, committed relationship if you're going to continue sharing your home. See how he responds. If he's not willing to truly commit, you may want to reconsider the current arrangement.

Overall, take this as a learning experience. Going forward, move slowly and make choices that set you up for the healthy partnership you and your child deserve. Hope this helps!

[luvstoned4him]

@Oliverlogan263 hit the hammer and the head and I might I add that I really think this was a horrible mistake. He didn't give commitment or basically make any effort

[Oliverlogan263]

@luvstoned4him that was the worst mistake right there. I agree that this was a mistake. You are not obligated to give anyone a key to your house, even if you are having a baby with them. You should talk to your partner about your concerns and consider whether or not you want to be in a relationship with someone who does not want to commit to you.

[luvstoned4him]

@Oliverlogan263 agreed

[MementoMori777]

It wasn't a smart idea, now he can copy the key and give one to his family or friends and basically give access to anyone, they can steal your stuff, and God forbid anyone insane gets access and they assault you in your sleep, I know I'm stretching it but the possibilities are always there, you are having a kid with him and he hasn't committed, if that isn't a red flag within itself If he really loves you the way he claims or how it seems, knowing someone for 8 months means nothing, I've know people for years and they have stabbed me in the back, he really played you good if he now has full access to your house no lie, that's where you sleep, house should be the safest environment for someone, you can't really say it's that safe anymore if you gave someone that you don't even know that well access to enter whenever they please with whoever they please

[BasedBaeBecca]

I think the biggest problem right now is that you guys are not officially together.

So he doesn't seem to want the commitment, but he wants all the benefits of a relationship while enjoying "single life" at the same time. I think that's really unfair to you.

It's also kinda strange that he asked to move into your new house immediately and that you let him move in when you aren't even "officially together." I guess you're kinda hoping that being together in the house will make him want to commit.

But I think you're making it too easy for him.

[Yannishka]

If you have to ask this question, chances are that it was. If I give a key to someone there is no doubt in my mind that something bad will come of it.

[Static_In_The_Attic]

Nowadays I don’t give out keys I give out codes & if I’m in a relationship & that relationship changes I can always erase their code instead of worrying about changing locks or getting back keys.

[Anonymous]

The unwise move began when you had a baby with him without any commitment, marriage, or any semblance of security. The less he gives you, the more you give him. This is a pattern of disaster linked to your self esteem, upbringing and relationship with parents probably.

[Nikki1989]

Yes, that is never a good idea, but I don't even give anyone my phone number.

[Anonymous]

Lol I’m not reading all that. What was a stupid move was getting knocked up by someone who didn’t want a relationship.

[Sabretooth]

Pretty much.