I didn't cheat for just sex, I cheated for mainly revenge... is that just as bad too?

[Anonymous]

We broke up obviously but before that, I revenged cheated on her. I gave a taste of her own medicine, repaid her with the exact thing she did. Then I confessed it to her the following day just out of spite. At least I admitted it the next day. She didn't. I had to find out through texts.

I had a ONS with one of her good friends too. She cheated with my now ex best friend. I did the same. I didn't really like the girl too much. I just wanted to get even before leaving her.

But now I'm wondering if I made things worst for me. I wanted to get rid of the humiliation so I did it back. Is this just as bad too? I feel as if it solved nothing.

[Screenwriter]

Your last line says it all: "I feel as if it solved nothing." You're precisely right.

If someone cheats on you, do you actually believe your cheating on them will hurt their feelings? I think cheaters don't care about anyone but themselves, and are willing to perform clandestine trysts because they aren't "getting what they want or need" from their SO.

They aren't willing to work anything out with their SO or to ASK for what they want or need. And, they're lazy.

They're willing to stay in a bad relationship because of other reasons: money, status, family. It's INCONVENIENT for them to matter. They're fulfilling their needs and if their relationship LOOKS good on the surface, that's all that matters. Their SO is stupid on top of everything else wrong with them. They feel justified in their actions.

If it ends up that they're found out, oh, well, their luck's run out and it's a divorce. But cheaters are also liars. Some might find a way to lie themselves out of their pickle by saying they'll go to counseling, they want to stay married.

Best to get yourself out of a bad situation, lick your wounds and be glad to be rid of someone so careless with your feelings and your relationship.

I'd recommend you see a counselor to get yourself over the grief, loss and feelings of betrayal. Your anger was normal. But your actions were a waste of energy. Do GOOD for yourself. Find positive outlets from now on and when you're in a good emotional place, be open to finding someone new.

[sheenagwapa]

the best revenge is yoy leave abd you move on... well men theu can do just anythinh it seems fucking around isn't an issue but to some women it is an issue because sex is tied to tjeir emotions and psych it is not just sex it is big deal. thry say the opposite of live is hate so do not hate instead consider this person a bad dreqm and move on

[RespectfulGuy]

Technically, then she cheated, the relationship is already over. Hence what you did is not cheating but revenge, at the expense of the ONS.

Nevertheless, it's simply childish and immature. Why such hate? Why harbor such vengeful spirit that will cause you cancer, not her?

And this act will make it more difficult for you to move on. And if your new girlfriend gets to know it, she'll doubt your personality also. If you don't tell her, the revenge (not guilt) will eat you slowly, just like cancer.

Your ex could be hurt by your act. But she may not because she's already struggling with her guilt. You revenge merely made her feel better.

Hence in my opinion, your act of revenge (not cheating) is hurting you more than it hurts her. That's why you ask. Because you can't cope.

[OlderAndWiser]

Revenge is a rather stupid reason to have sex. You just made yourself look stupid. And none of yourt hurt feelings went away, did they?

If you get down to wrestle with pigs, you get up covered in mud.

[Asker]

Nope it doesn't compare anything to when I got cheated for the first time ever. I've never been cheated on before and out of all the men out there, she had to cheat with a former best friend. Double the humiliation.
I wanted to see my ex girlfriend experience the same hurt I had but I don't think she even cared too much. It turns out my ex girlfriend and the ONS girls secretly didn't each other. The ONS girl ended up getting pissed off with me after figuring out I was only having sex for revenge and wasn't even enjoying the moment at all. She has been with several men before so she doesn't mind ONS but my reasoning upset her so much.

[Asker]

I think it backfired to be honest. I don't think it helped anymore. Meanwhile my ex girlfriend's reputation somehow it's ruined, now it's like I'm looking worse than her. Wow. Unbelievable.

[OlderAndWiser]

Have you learned anything from the experience?

[Asker]

Yes ditch a cheater. They're not worth minutes of your time and they don't even care if you cheat back.

[OlderAndWiser]

Bingo!

[richardcory]

Afraid I think its worse. Cheating for sex may be selfish but doesn't have to hurt anyone. Intentionally hurting someone is bad - and what about the person you were cheating with, did they feel used by you?

[Asker]

She was very upset. Even though she already had casual sex before with other guys, she really thought it was an enjoyable ONS. Afterwards, she quickly figured out I was just doing it to get back at her friend, my now ex girlfriend.

[richardcory]

Yeah, you screwed up big time. Don't do it again. Next time you decide to be evil be sure you are getting something really valuable in return.

[provokeesmokee]

Cheating is bad and you didn't cheat for revenge.

You cheated because you're a coward and didn't want to just break up.

[Asker]

I wanted to break up but after paying her back with the same thing. There was an overwhelming feeling of hurt and humiliation when she cheated with my ex best friend. Out of so many men out there, she had to do with someone I knew. So I wanted to do it back to her so she can know how I felt.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like ego. And you lost the moral high ground which you could have weaponised for a lifetime. It's not humiliating to trust another only to have them breach it. That's on them. And your actions are on you.

[Asker]

I wouldn't recommend anyone to revenge cheat though. It wasn't worthy it and the ONS woman figured out quickly it was just for revenge; she was very upset.
The ONS woman and my ex girlfriend secretly don't even like each other. My ex girlfriend didn't seem that upset, as if she didn't care and her reputation somehow didn't get destroyed like I wanted. Instead I'm seen as the loser, as the bad guy in the story. It totally backfired. Damn.

[Fireguy17]

Just leave if things are that bad.
Cheating does not address the core issue so now the problem is just compounded by adding another one

[LiamJHayden]

Cheating for any reason makes that person a cheater and just as big of a POS as the original cheater.

[gothbxtch]

yes that’s bad. you should have just dumped her and moved on

[SonyaLB]

Any sort of CHEATING is terrible!

[whereismyjohnny]

Yup.

[Asker]

I'm starting to think it solved nothing. I didn't even enjoy the ONS either.

[whereismyjohnny]

Of course it solved nothing. Revenge never solves anything.

[Asker]

and I just made the ONS girl very upset. I don't know how she guessed right but she figured out quickly afterwards that I was only after revenge against her friend. She also figured out I wasn't even enjoying it. I didn't even tell her it was for revenge... she guessed right. I don't know how.

[Anonymous]

She deserved it. Good on you man!

[Asker]

I guess but it's like it made me bad too. I didn't even enjoy that ONS. I ended up using her in the process just to get revenge.

[Anonymous]

Not as bad