Why do some men and women let themselves go after marriage?

Question

I've noticed that some people just stop carrying for themselves after getting married, gain a bunch of weight and just wear whatever. I'm married too and I recognize that there's a lot of things to do in the house, I'm a devoted wife but I wake up every morning and get ready even if I don't have any plans to leave the house. To me is important to always look good around my husband and he does the same too. I don't wear a bunch of makeup in the house and don't dress up but I also don't look like a trash bag. Could this be one of the reasons people loose interest in their partners?

Peter_Penetrator · Accepted Answer

This is why hot women tend to go for a guy with that “dad bod” when ready to settle down.

If a hot woman marries a hot dude with a six pack, then she must maintain herself as long as he does in order to keep him around.

So if a dude has that dad bod, she doesn’t have to work so hard at staying thin.

Once a guy marries, he no longer has the need to maintain himself either. Beer and watching sports makes a six pack grow to a thirty pack.

My ex wife did this exact thing. I am 5’ 6” and weighed 190 lbs when we married. She had a really, really nice figure.

She maintained that figure for about 5 years after we married. She then started nursing school a year and a half after we married and after that she began her nursing career, she started gaining weight. Of course in that same 5 years I started gaining it as well. After 10 years I weighed 220 lbs but not because I let myself go. I take anti depressants. She knew this before we married and I didn’t attend a gym or exercise. So my weight gain was predictable.

The reason my ex gained the weight is due to genetics. Also working 12 hr shifts as an LPN, she lost the motivation and energy levels.

By this time she knew l wasn’t going anywhere, there went her motivation.

She used her weight loss after divorcing her ex husband to find a new man. Eventually me. But because I wasn’t going anywhere, she no longer had the incentive to stay healthy. Even though her mother was overweight and had diabetes, this still wasn’t enough motivation for my ex to stay healthy.

I was thin all my life until my mid 20’s when I began taking anti depressants.

My ex and I have been divorced for two years now, and I presently weigh 185 lbs and I have even added a couple more anti depressants to my regimen. But I am also on thyroid meds to increase my thyroid levels which is dropping the pounds and I am also on testosterone therapy. I didn’t start dropping the weight until 2017. But not until I started the thyroid and testosterone did my weight finally drop lower than what it was 20 years ago.

So as my wife gained the weight, she didn’t take measures to lose it like I have due to my anti depressants being the cause of my weight gain.

So when people marry, their goals in life change. They begin to concentrate on other things other than their own health. We become busy with family and our careers. Because of that we neglect ourselves for the sake of building something as a couple.

caring__1 · Accepted Answer

People assume putting forth effort is important to catch a partner, not to maintain a partnership. Once they're caught, people assume they're stuck and should put up with anything. Never win someone with bait and switch (ie going to college or joining a gym to meet higher quality potential partners, without any plan to continue the behavior throughout the relationship).

Some people also give up on putting forth an effort when they realize their expectations of marriage aren't being met. They very often decide "if you're not meeting my needs, then I see no reason to meet yours." This decision is often made unilaterally, with no prior communication. A relationship is a partnership; if you're not making decisions together, the relationship will be undermined.

The norm is another key factor. People want to be normal, even if normal is dysfunctional. I can't tell you how many women have told me it is normal for women to get fat as they get older. If I still ate like I did as a teenager (when I was 6' and weighed 110#), I wouldn't be able to get through doorways. Just because something is familiar, that doesn't mean it's either functional or necessary. I've realized it is a lot easier to maintain my present 6' & 155# than it is to gain and then lose weight.

Alli39 · Accepted Answer

Lives change. Some people simply don't have the time/energy to put towards their appearances as they did when they were young/had less responsibilities. Other people just don't care/never wanted to maintain themselves that way and if their spouse doesn't care too much then choose to refocus their efforts elsewhere. Moreover aging, pregnancy, etc can make staying in shape, etc much more difficult or disheartening so there has to be a shift to align with the reality of their bodies. Long as everyone's happy, I don't see an issue with the fact that this happens.

Apple1996 · Accepted Answer

Some people just get comfortable in a marriage so they let themselves go. I don't see it as a big deal tbh. I'm not the same person I was back when I met my husband. I'd rather be comfortable and not feel pressure to look a certain way for him

Anonymous · Answer

There is a theory that cooming drains our 13th chakra which is the one tied to the sacred megajar in the Orgasmosphere. Makes sense if married couples coom a lot, they lose their connection to our Lord Orgasmos. On the other hand, asking for his permission first and collecting our coom in a jar strengthens our souls.

dynamicyandere · Answer

Perhaps it’s because their relationship goal was just to get married.

And now that they’re married, they aren’t putting in the same amount of effort since they’ve already reached their relationship goal.

For my significant other and I, we’re continually putting in effort into the relationship and working on being a better version of ourselves for each other.

Why?

Because our relationship goal isn’t to get married.

Our relationship goal is to have the most beautiful marriage we can have—not just the marriage ceremony, but all the days that follow.

If two people are actively trying to grow and nurture the most beautiful relationship they can have with each other, they aren’t going to stop putting in effort.

It takes continuous effort to continually grow closer to each other and continually better ourselves.

Finchie40 · Answer

I wouldn’t expect my wife to make it her mission to l dress up for me every day , now if it made her happy that’s cool , but I wouldn’t expect it from her all the time , once in awhile, if her and I have plans to go somewhere then yes but to expect your partner to have to look good for them every day is silly , i would just want her to be herself and feel relaxed and happy , even if she put on some pounds , I would still love her and care about her , People that focus on looks are people that seek validation from other’s , when you are in love you shouldn’t need validation from anyone but your partner , people that make that their main focus are people that you can’t trust , those are the ones that cheat on each other and act like they have this perfect life when really they are Pieces of shit that only care about themselves and walk around like their shit don’t stink , I can’t stand people
That are that way , it’s like wake the fuck up no one gives a fuck lol

nastyb · Answer

because you don't have any kids. Just wait till you have 2-3 kids that you not only have to cooking, cleaning, bathing, tutoring your kids, put to sleep, bring to daycare, paying for daycare, feeding, working 8-9 hours a day. lets see how much time you have to do your makeup or design your wardrobe. once you have kids, the kids come first, not your pretty manicure or designing a 5 course meal for your husband. Marriage is about taking care of your family. Marriage is not dating 2.0 where you go on hot dates every night.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

You're 100% correct. And why do they do it? A culture of complacency, mediocrity, and sloth.

sheenagwapa · Answer

i don't think i will let myself go if i'm not poor...

Anemone978 · Answer

We don't have anyone to impress anymore.. so we can dress like shit and be comfortable around each other.. you don't need to like them anymore as long as you do enough so they won't leave you because no one will want them either lol

HeartFullOfGlue · Answer

Cause they generally have kids after and you end up focusing on your kid more and more and try to cut prices where they can. Trash food ends up being cheap a lot of the time and you get tired a lot so you end up not exercising. I don't know tho

Anonymous · Answer

It's their attitude toward health. They don't have a winning attitude toward their health or at least their appearance. Perhaps they don't even think much about it even.  They don't value it.

Anonymous · Answer

Men often do because there's someone cooking for them and they'd rather bond than work out. Women often do because now they're cooking and cleaning for two and would rather bond. Also if they both have unhealthy eating habits to start with they combine

Fireguy17 · Answer

they just get too comfortable. Many women have to take care of the kids and then it is a time factor. They just do not have any/much spare time at all.

Anonymous · Answer

Because they’re comfortable with their partner and don’t feel the need to dress to impress them anymore

Anonymous · Answer

I don't know but i'm excited to see my friend gain some more weight (she's a terrible person by the way)

maybe it's because they're unhappy in their marriage, they don't have to try anymore, they're too comfortable, I don't know

SolitarySolace · Answer

Probably because they believe they've achieved their goal. The American dream. What's next after that? What they don't know is divorce is also imminent.

peedy · Answer

They dont even have to be married i would imagine it has a lot to do with age, getting older your body just isn't the same anymore and your attitude your motivation your energy everything is affected

serious · Answer

Perhaps they just lose motivation and interest.

inhua · Answer

complacency and "feel good" lies about non-existent love

Sour-rose · Answer

they found their S. O. ... soooo now they can be themselves together.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

Yes, that could be the reason because couples let their selves go

OddBeMe · Answer

Ahh…The joys of lifelong commitment and love. Get fat together and still find each other erotically attractive.

Anonymous · Answer

I don’t care how I look. Someone loves me as I am or they don’t.
I’m not focused on that crap.
Where I come from, we like folks for who they are and how they treat you, how they are kind to others and sharing what they have.

akidbyheart · Answer

It’s okay if life gets busy like get kids but I think you should try not to let yourself go completely because making your self attractive keeps the spark going! 🤷‍♂️

Exterminatore · Answer

Do you know what food makes women gain more weight than any other? Wedding cake.

Anonymous · Answer

Some spouses are just really good cooks lol

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Stresses of life, bills and kids snaps energy to go to the gym and exercise to stay fit.

ROGERTC1 · Answer

Have to be the right couple together and look good.

standardguy · Answer

Perhaps they think, okay I got him/her and now I can relax. She/He is now mine.

Engin12 · Answer

I imagine its because once they are married they think they did everything they wanted and nothing else to care about

Cristinaissweet · Answer

Because they basically gave up on life.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Like you said, it is just some.

Jennz6 · Answer

Good question

EaterPeter · Answer

And peolme not let go at all very up tight

muscles_glasses · Answer

Im 32 ans unmarried. I've defintely let myself go.

exitseven · Answer

They get lazy

Why do some men and women let themselves go after marriage?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Why do some men and women let themselves go after marriage?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.