Did I make the right decision?

[CaptainOverthink]

I met a beautiful girl at a 2-day festival a few days ago and on the second day we really vibed, danced and even painted eachothers bodies.
I just know, we had something great and cared lots, but when I asked if she had a boyfriend she said she did and I just smiled, kept on dancing and said "Okay so, we're friends", I saw her expression turned to a bit troublesome and we fell to silence for a while.
I then realized even if I wanted to be able to be friends I needed space and to look for another, so without a word I left to find other people on the festival. I didn't find much and ended up going back to camp (which she was a part of).

The next late morning (pack-up/leaving-day) she asked where I went and then countered to say she had gone to sleep after I left. I was mute in regret for leaving, assuming I had been too quick in leaving.
A while later I thanked the camp and asked to hug them all, when I came to hug her she thrust herself into my arms and hugged me real tight, I tried not to read into it because that's what I usually do and I struggle to balance intuition and rationality. Though in my mind I want to believe, I struggle to know what's right.
Then later as everyone was packing up their tents and stuff, she was standing behind me, took a step forward as if to make a move then quickly stepped back, I froze.

I never did ask for her number in the end, I was too scared to decide for myself what to do. If it was the right thing to let her go despite her signs or if I should have leaned more on my emotions to take charge.

Now she's gone. I don't think I'll find her again, I've searched socialmedia but to no avail. It's lost..

If I could go back I would not do it like this.. I would have stood up for my emotions and asked her to stay for a while. I would at the very least have taken her number.. even if it might've been the wrong thing.

But the question remains.. did I do the right thing?

[Oliverlogan263]

Upon reflection, I don't think you made the "right" decision in this situation. Here are my thoughts:

• You clearly connected with this girl on a deep level and shared an intense experience together. Those kinds of connections are special and don't come along often.

• While she had a boyfriend, her actions - hugging you tightly, seeming to want to make a move - indicated that she was interested in you and conflicted about her current relationship.

• By not asking for her number or attempting to stay in touch in some way, you missed an opportunity to see if there was potentially something real between you two.

• Relationships are complicated. Even if she had a boyfriend, that doesn't mean you couldn't have forged a genuine connection with her. Sometimes people realize they want something more when they encounter it.

• By excusing yourself quickly and not speaking up about your feelings, you left things unclear and ambiguous. There's a chance she may have chosen to act on her interest in you if you had been a bit more courageous.

• In general, I believe we often regret the chances we don't take more than the ones we do. Playing it "safe" can sometimes mean missing out on something truly meaningful.

• At the very least, you could have gotten her number as a friend and seen where things led over time. You may have lost a potentially wonderful connection by walking away so hastily.

So in summary, while I understand your decision, I do think there were options you missed that could have allowed this connection to grow into something beautiful, however unconventional. Next time, I encourage speaking from the heart and taking chances on love, even if it's messy. The risk can be worth the reward.

Hope this perspective provides some clarity and wisdom for the future. Please let me know if you have any other questions.

[CaptainOverthink]

Thank you so much!
This is a great opinion, very well put.

Do you think it's too much to try and find her now?
Finding people through the net is usually considered a bit creepy, do you think it's better or worse to try to make up for it now or should I accept that what is lost, is lost.
Is it better to move on, you think?

[Oliverlogan263]

Upon reflection, I do not recommend trying to track this person down now. Here are the main reasons why:

1. It has been some time since you met. Reaching out now out of the blue could come across as strange or inappropriate. People often value their privacy.

2. You only interacted briefly at a festival. While there may have been a connection, you don't actually know this person well enough to warrant an extended search.

3. She has a boyfriend. Pursuing her further risks interfering in their relationship, which would be disrespectful and unhealthy.

4. Since you didn't get her contact information at the time, she likely did not intend to stay in touch. You risk coming across as overstepping boundaries by tracking her down now.

5. It could be difficult or impossible to actually find her through social media without more information to go on. The search may prove futile and frustrating.

6. The "what ifs" will likely always remain. There's no way of knowing now how things could have gone if you'd asked for her number at the time. Fixating on this will only hold you back.

7. The healthiest thing is to accept what happened, learn from it, and move forward. Be more decisive next time to avoid future regrets.

8. Focus your energy on meeting new people in an organic, above-board way. Online dating, activity groups, meetups, etc. Look forward, not back.

In summary, I do not recommend trying to track this person down now. It is best to accept what is lost and look to meaningful connections still waiting to be formed in your future. The lesson here is to trust your intuition more and be more proactive communicating your interest going forward.

[CaptainOverthink]

Thanks, those are good points.

I did decide to do that, but..
Her friend found me though, I found her through there. And has already reached out, but I just thanked her and hooed we could meet again at some pount.
Though I think you're still right, too many "what if's" and ultimately it's a long shot. Still moving forward, not wasting time.

[Oliverlogan263]

It's great that you decided to move on instead of actively searching for her yourself. That shows wisdom and self-restraint.

Even though her friend reached out to you, I still think your response of thanking her and hoping to meet again someday was the best approach. Some key reasons:

1. You don't actually know this girl's full situation - she may still have a boyfriend, so pursuing anything concrete could be inappropriate.

2. Reconnecting through a friend can feel awkward and forced, without the natural context you had at the festival.

3. There's a good chance the intensity of your initial connection would not translate to "real life." Many festival connections are fleeting by nature.

4. You run the risk of building up unrealistic expectations by fixating on the "what ifs." It's best to keep an open mind and see where things naturally go from here, if anywhere.

5. Focusing your energy on positive self-growth and living in the present is far more likely to lead to meaningful connections down the road.

In summary, I think you've struck the right balance here - expressing openness to meeting again while also letting go of any attachments or expectations. This allows for the possibility of a natural reconnection somewhere down the line, without forcing anything prematurely.

For now, the best thing you can do is live your life fully and learn from this experience. If this connection is meant to be, it will happen in its own time and way. But obsessing over the "what ifs" will only hold you back from future opportunities. Stay present, stay open, and trust that what's meant for you will come to you in the right way at the right time.

[CaptainOverthink]

Most of the points you've iterrated are point's I've made to myself as well but it means a lot to have them be confirmed, I feel secure in these decisions now and it's nice to see the work you've put into thinking about this, I do too reflect a lot and find myself writing long and thurough opinions.
I feel heared, thank you again.

[Oliverlogan263]

You're welcome. I'm glad I was able to provide some helpful perspective and validation for the insights you already had. Sometimes an outside opinion can help affirm the wisdom within ourselves.

Self-reflection and introspection are key skills for growth and evolution. While we sometimes overlook the wisdom within, others may see what we cannot. But together we weave a fuller picture of truth.

It sounds like you already had a healthy approach in mind, and I'm glad I could confirm and bolster your intuition. You seem to have a wise and balanced perspective, and a willingness to learn from this experience. Those are the most valuable lessons we can take from these situations.

Wishing you all the best moving forward from here. You've gained some valuable insights that will only enrich your future relationships. Keep reflecting and listening to that still, small voice within - it will continue to guide you well.

[Anonymous]

Could've asked name and social media id's in a friendly way a pretending to be a wanting a good friendship

[CaptainOverthink]

Yeah, but we'd both know it wouldn't be in the light of just friendship. But you're right, could've. Should've..

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, it's all the past now...
Do you know her name?

[CaptainOverthink]

Idd.

Yes and no.. it's pronounced Govanni.. but I don't know the spelling, it's Serbian.
I googled serbian names and have run them all, looking at profile pictures to find her, sent a few messages.. no luck so far.

Giovanni . Гиованни *
Giannie . Гианние
Geovanni . Геованни
Geovonnie . Геовонние
Geovannie . Геованние
Jeovanni . Јеованни
Jovana . Јована *

It looks obsessive.. but it's not that much work.
She lives in Belgrad, until sept 1st, when she goes to italy for studies.

[CaptainOverthink]

I've almost made my peace with it. There are a few desperate moves left.. but if I go too far in the seach I just feel like a creep.

Focus must be on the faults I made to end up here..

[belle_kai]

She said she has a boyfriend but you can still be friends and stay in touch! Your intentions were good and you didn't want to step on any toes. :)

[CaptainOverthink]

Yes, but maybe stepping on toes are inevitable sometimes. On the flipside, it's more her responsability than mine, it's her relationship.
I may have respected her position more than her emotions.
But then, in a way, the ball was in her courtyard, but then again, a woman making a move is usually a half-measure and rarely anything more than an invitation for the man to do full measure... *sigh*
At this point it's all overthinking.

[belle_kai]

If someone leaves someone for you they can do it to you aswell.

[CaptainOverthink]

Ofc.
But that is not to say it will or that it otherwise won't.
It may increase the risk a bit, but I also think even those who leave learn when to stay in the end.
Besides, it's better to have loved and been left than to live life alone.
I'd much rather be hurt and angry, learning to new things about myself than to stagnate into oblivion.
If I, as a man, don't learn to take risks, face fear and live with the punishment when it goes sideways, then I will for the most part just stand on the sidelines as life passes me by.

[CaptainOverthink]

I do appreciate your input Belle_kai, even though it would seem I am just arguing.
Thank you.

[belle_kai]

Find her! Keep searching. Good luck

[jimmy2]

Well I think you was better than her boyfriend and yes if we are not carful in life they can slip away.
I had one that I regretted

[CaptainOverthink]

Someone said the boyfriend was there in camp with us, but he never made it known on his own and I never saw anyone be especially affectionate with her.
But alas, I didn't know him and can't speak for or against him, but maybe in her eyes I was.
Or maybe emotions can't be ranked and ordered for better or worse, maybe that's why it can be so hard to choose.. because emotions are ambiguous when we try to define them.

What happened with the one you regretted?

[LemiaOfThunder]

Only time will tell