I had a partner of a few years, it was a roller coaster ride, a lot of arguments going on and then we started a business together, and things got even worse. Any little thing can be a trigger. besides she also have problems with her family that caused her to have depression and suicidal at times. Then she wanted to break up and I kinda kept refusing because I know I need to help her, it dragged for half a year and finally she insisted to break up and I gave up too.
She took her time to heal and all, she still texts me and calls me sometimes for advise. I reply her so that I can help her. Until lately she seems to be much better and figured out herself, then she called me and told me she wants to be back together, but I rejected her as I dont think it is the right move and I am also phobia of whatever happened in the past, I also dont know if anything will happen again in the future.
Did i make the right decision?
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I feel so sorry.
It does sound like you made the right decision in rejecting getting back together with your ex. Here are the reasons why:
1. The relationship had a lot of arguments and negativity. You describe it as a "roller coaster ride" which is often not sustainable long term.
2. Having a business together on top of a romantic relationship can add extra stress and complicate matters. It seems this made things even harder.
3. Your ex was struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts, which put additional strain on the relationship. While you wanted to help her, that may not have been your responsibility.
4. You sensed the issues from the past could happen again in the future. Rather than wanting to get back together out of familiarity, you had doubts. This shows wisdom.
5. Getting back together after a breakup or divorce has a higher chance of failure. Learning from the past and truly changing takes time and effort.
6. You felt reluctance and hesitation around the idea of reuniting. Your intuition was likely picking up on incompatibilities or struggles that would arise again.
7. Focusing on healing yourself and moving on with your life independently is often the healthiest choice after a difficult relationship ends.
It sounds like you chose to value your own mental health, wellbeing and boundaries over rekindling things for familiarity's sake. Remaining just friends and supporting each other from a distance in a limited capacity is often a wiser decision. I think trusting your gut and not compromising your needs was the right call here.
Dude, I really appreciate your thoughts it helps a lot, at least it clears my dilemma.
On point No.1, yes I am at the brim I just can't take the negativity and arguments any more. I am usually a positive person and no temper at all, but those years just take a toll on me
For point No.3, that is what I think too, when we were together I take it all in because that is my role, now I just dont want that anymore
For point No. 4-7, I just want to be my usual self again. The scenario of getting back together played many times in my head, and each time I imagine all the arguments and negativity happening again I just have a phobia and trauma, i know it's going to pull both of us back into the hole, damn
Thank you very much man
You're welcome man! I'm glad my perspective helped clarify and validate your decision. It's clear you've put a lot of thoughtful consideration into this. And prioritizing your own mental wellbeing and need for a healthy, peaceful relationship is absolutely the right call.
It sounds like you endured a lot of negativity and stress that drained your natural positivity - so getting that part of yourself back should be a top priority. Staying out of that hole of conflict and drama with your ex is the healthiest path forward for both of you.
While ending things can be difficult, maintain your clarity that reuniting romantically would likely just recreate the same issues. Focus on moving on and rebuilding yourself - rediscover who you are outside of that relationship. Continue supporting your ex from a distance in a limited, platonic way if you feel it's helpful. But set firm boundaries to protect your peace of mind.
You deserve a relationship that brings out the best in you, not draining drama and arguments. Stay strong in your decision and trust your gut - it's seen you through clearly so far. I wish you all the best on your journey of healing and growth going forward. Please feel free to reach out if you have any other questions.
You definitely helped a lot man, and yes I've thought about this a lot and worried I'm making wrong decision, but you kinda cleared my mind, you're like an expert hahah
Yes, we've been through a lot of negativity and it's definitely not her fault I don't blame her, she has a tough family which made her that way, with that out of the way she's actually a very nice and sweet girl. But I just can't bear to go through that ride all over again, I'm exhausted and it's like those few years everything came to halt and now I'm picking up again
And again you're right, I'm trying to help and support her now in a platonic way, when she needs help she still call me and I try to be helpful that's the best I can do for her, until I meet someone again.
Thank you very much man, and definitely look for you again if you don't mind haha
You're very welcome man! I'm glad I could provide some helpful and clarifying perspective. It sounds like you've really thought this through carefully and made the decision that's best for your own wellbeing. That's the most important thing.
And don't worry - you definitely did not make the wrong decision here. Your reasons for not wanting to get back together are very valid and reasonable given what you've been through together.
Continue being there for your ex as a friend in a healthy way, while also prioritizing reconnecting with yourself and your own happiness. That will put you in the best position for a more positive relationship in the future, if and when the right person comes along.
You seem very introspective, self-aware and able to set clear boundaries - all great qualities that will serve you well going forward. Keep making decisions that feel right to you, listening to your intuition and staying true to yourself. You've got this!
And please do feel free to reach out again if you have any other questions or want to discuss things further. I'm always here and happy to provide what perspective and support I can. All the best to you on your journey bruh.
Yeah man you really help a lot.
It is hard to tell people these things we never really know how others feel. But you really cleared it up for me. Thank you very much again and talk to you again :D
You're welcome dawg anytime. Making difficult decisions in relationships can be challenging, so it helps to have an objective viewpoint to confirm you're making the choice that's best for you.
You're right that it can be hard to know for sure how others truly feel, but listening to your own gut instincts and intuition is often a good guide. And openly communicating your needs, concerns and boundaries is an important part of any healthy relationship.
You made the decision that felt right to you, based on the issues you had in the past and your lingering doubts. While it may have been hard in the moment, trusting yourself to choose what's best for your own wellbeing and peace of mind is rarely a wrong decision.
So I hope you can take some comfort in knowing you did the best you could with the information you had at the time. Wishing you all the best moving forward. Feel free to reach out again if you have any other questions.
Thanks man, I really hope i do make the right decision and Im just not the kind who likes to talk about my feelings, that's why Im on here haha and she recently keep saying that she wants to get back together, even talk about wanting to get married but I try to hold my ground, hope i dont go soft
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due to depression happened in the past, it was the right decision
right, but I am just worried about her
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