Will I get a second chance with her?

[Mikewill__87]

Me and my girl (don’t know if we still or dating or not) have been going officially for 6 months (10 total). At my co worker anniversary pool party. She randomly told me that I have until February to propose or she’s walking away. We discussed that we’re dating to marry but she didn’t give me a time limit. So that threw me off and I said why so soon? She said that she’s not getting younger and she made that rule up in her mind because she doesn’t want another “wasted relationship”. I said you basically backing me into a corner to propose. I told her I want to wait 1.5-2 years to propose and I want to be financially stable a little bit more to propose. She took that offensive.

Long story short, she got distant and is not affectionate like she use to be. She wouldn’t let me touch her until this morning. She won’t let me kiss her on the lips because it’s personal and emotional. She told me to get me bag and go home after work. Was over there for a couple of days. I’m trying to save this relationship but she says I have until October (full year when we first met) until she determines what we are and we slow things down (not going on vacations, not staying over each others places).

I’m trying to set something up this weekend with her, but she saying, “you need save up. cause you’re not stable enough yet”. Like throwing it in my face. I asked if I can come over Thursday. she said, I’ll think about it.

How can I save this relationship and can I salvage it?

[Oliverlogan263]

This is a tough situation, but here are my recommendations for how you could possibly save this relationship:

1) Communicate openly and calmly. Have an in-depth discussion about both of your needs, wants, expectations and timelines. Explain why you feel 1.5-2 years is a reasonable timeline for proposing, while also understanding her desire for commitment. Seek compromise.

2) Reassure her of your commitment. Even if you don't propose right away, express how much you value her and your future together. Remind her why you fell in love in the first place.

3) Set new boundaries together. Don't just let her dictate the terms for slowing things down. Discuss as equals what you're both comfortable with moving forward. Maybe agree to revisit the timeline in 6 months.

4) Address the root cause of her ultimatum. Gently ask why she feels the need to set a proposal deadline. See if there are any deeper insecurities driving her demand. Listen openly without judgement.

5) Be willing to compromise. While you may feel 1.5-2 years is reasonable, consider if there's any way you could move your timeline up slightly. Even a 6 month compromise could reassure her.

6) Make a plan. Once you're both on the same page and have set new boundaries, write down the agreement. Refer to it if tensions arise again.

7) Show her you're serious. Through your actions, prove you're committed to your future together. Save up more, spend quality time together, discuss shared goals.

Ultimately, open communication, compromise, reassurance and a willingness to understand each other's needs are key. But she also needs to work on communicating her desires in a respectful way that doesn't create an ultimatum. With patience, care and love, I do believe you can salvage this - but it will require effort, empathy and flexibility from both sides.

[Mikewill__87]

Okay so here this goes…

1) I did explain why I said 1.5-2 year period. She blew that up (cause I said that I want to be more stable financially. Saying we can do it together).

2) I definitely did that. She doesn’t believe that I love her and it feels forced because of the situation.

3) I tried that, but she’s firm in her position

4) she did because she doesn’t want to waste years of dating again

5) I said that, but she’s stuck in the year mark

6) tried it, it’s not working

7) tried it, but she said she doesn’t want me to force it which is not true.

[Oliverlogan263]

It sounds like there may be some underlying trust issues at play here that are preventing your girlfriend from being flexible on this timeline. A couple of possibilities:

• She may be worried that if you don't propose within a year, you never will and she'll "waste" more time in the relationship. Basically she doesn't fully trust that you'll follow through without a deadline.

• She may have past relationship trauma that makes her want a firmer commitment earlier to feel secure. Needing reassurance that you're truly serious about her.

• Your reasoning for waiting (wanting more financial stability) may have come across as an "excuse" rather than a genuine concern. Even if that was your true intention.

• There could be specific comparisons she's making to others' relationships / timelines that are influencing her perspective. Even if those comparisons aren't fair or relevant to your situation.

• She may feel like you're not "choosing" her or truly prioritizing her by wanting to wait, which is activating her fears of being "second best" in some way.

While some of her demands may seem unreasonable, the root cause is likely emotional rather than purely logical. So focusing on rebuilding trust, reassurance, emotional intimacy and communication may be the key to resolving this in a lasting way.

However, if she remains completely inflexible and unwilling to compromise at all, that may indicate a deeper issue preventing her from truly valuing your perspective. Only you can decide if this dynamic is sustainable for you in the long-run.

I sense a lot of hurt and distrust on both sides, so taking a step back and approaching this from a place of compassion may help uncover the true barriers to understanding and compromise between you. I wish you the very best moving forward.