Isn't it blind and naive to think there is unconditional love in relationships?

[Vesuvius87]

I think the right term should be deep commitment and strong love but unconditional? Nope.

I think the only single type of unconditional love is a parent towards his/her child. Though that's not always the case for every single parent. Some parents do disown so that means they don't have unconditional, unlimited love. If you can disown for any reason (regardless of what it is) then it's not unconditional. Same as breaking up or divorce, then it's not unconditional.

My mother is the only single being I can think of that no matter what I do, she'll still love me. She would literally follow unconditional love till the very end. Not the same can be said for the rest of my family members. They all others have their conditions (though it would have to be a severe one) that if I break it, I would get disowned.

Therefore is it really blind and naive to think there is unconditional love in relationships? I've seen several questions of others asking if we have unconditional love for men the same as men have for us. I find that illogical. If that man was our child (just like Ted Bundy was still his mother's precious son even when she already knew what he was) sure it can be unconditional but for a boyfriend or husband? Nope. Loyalty is already a condition.

Updates

8 mo

I just find it so funny when people say there is unconditional love in relationships but then include ''as long as he/she'' and ''if''... so that's already conditional.

[jshm2]

Then you are wrong and naïve, kiddo. Also, what the fuck are you smoking, to think love and logic go together? You've also clearly never read a romance novel, or were homeschooled or something.

Also, only some people can ever experience "unconditional" love. Be it from family, friend, spouse or whatever. But the downside is that you usually only know it's unconditional/conditional when it comes to a grievous test that makes or breaks the person or the relationship.

In your case, I don't think your mum will be bailing you out, or giving you a kidney. Her love is not unconditional as neither is yours.

[Vesuvius87]

I've read enough throughout the years and know what it's like falling in love. That's infatuation (along with desire and pleasure) and it can be explained by science. It's the reaction of chemicals in the brain. Dopamine, serotonin and norepinephrine is responsible for our initial attraction. Oxytocin and other chemicals help form bonds and therefore be in love.

There are already conditions in a relationship though. I was in love with my past ex boyfriend and he did several things to destroy all that. After getting scammed and lied about marriage and kids, all this ''oh my love'' went down the drain and it changed to an ''give me back my money, you SOB'' and he's been blocked. I haven't spoken to him for a couple years now and never will.

[Vesuvius87]

You don't even know my family so how can you say with 100% certainty that my mother won't bail me out nor give me a kidney?
When I had anemia several years ago, she did tried to donate her blood but it was denied because she had typhoid fever as a teen.

[madhatters4]

love of partners is conditional. simple as that. unconditional love is rare. it more applies to scenarios like the way parents feel towards their children and vice versa.

but in relationships love is conditional on many things.

[Vesuvius87]

Exactly. Point proven. It seems many people (shockingly some men base on their replies) confuse unconditional love for falling in love with your partner aka infatuation or pathetic Romeo and Julia romance stories lol.
Remove sex, remove the honey moon period and have them cheat on you with your best friend or steal money from you (my first ex boyfriend scammed me, never paid me back)... that "oh the moon and the stars, oh my love" Is immediately replaced with intense contempt and disgust, followed by never wanting to see them again.

[madhatters4]

i don't think it's quite so stark. love of a partner can still be love. just not conditional love. conditional love those doesn't mean infatuation.

unconditional love means you love a person NO MATTER WHAT. that's generally how parents feel towards their kids right? but my love for my wife is on the condition that she is the person i married or close to it. that she doesn't lie, cheat, behave violently etc. but i'm not infatuated with my wife. i love her. but the love comes with conditions

[Vesuvius87]

Even having a boyfriend with the expectation that I'll get a marriage proposal one day is already a condition. I don't want to be a girlfriend forever.

[Kaamraj]

There is nothing as "unconditional love" maybe women get to know about it later on or dont realize it all together but most men know this very well, you are only as valuable as what you can provide at that moment.

[MMelanieM]

When you say provide - what does it consist of?

[inhua]

"unconditional" love only exists in fairy tales

and even then are still conditions to be met if you look hard enough

[Vesuvius87]

I can't think of any with my mother, besides being her child.

[talka20]

i agree that relationship love is not n can never be unconditional... not even siblings one is or friendship one

[Vesuvius87]

Exactly because otherwise it would be detrimental for your own health and well-being

[Astarlessnightsky]

No, i think if you found the right one love is unconditional.

[Vesuvius87]

Nope because there would have to be initial attraction (at least some level), sharing similar goals and values, being compatible and off course loyalty. Those are already conditions. It isn't just loving because they exist, for the sake of it.

[Astarlessnightsky]

No, these are just character traits.

[Astarlessnightsky]

you could have the condition: If you fall in love.

or if you meet each other..

or if you live at the same time or if you are both humans...

But, thats a little bit over the top.

[Astarlessnightsky]

When you meet your soulmate or whatever you want to call it. and You like each other and want to spent the rest of your life together, there is something like unconditional love.

[Vesuvius87]

Soulmates is a romantic ficition and all about being infatuated. What is more realistic is finding someone with compatible values (whether it's political, parenting style, religion, etc) and similar goals. Otherwise once the honeymoon phase fades, you'll see that you got nothing in common with the person and the whole relationship was just base on feeling and emotions but not compatibility. Then afterwards, you have to work out as a team through the hard time and not just be there for the good, romantic times.

[Astarlessnightsky]

I hope you will find someone you will love unconditionally and be loved back the same way

[Vesuvius87]

yeah but just feelings along isn't enough for a commitment. You need character traits too

[Anonymous]

Yes and no. There really is no such thing as complete unconditional love, nor should anyone ever expect it. You should always value and return what is given to you. But let's be honest. This is the real world. That is a pleasant fiction.

[Vesuvius87]

My mother is the only single person I can't think of anything that would break our relationship. Besides the mere fact of being her biological child, I can't think of any conditional behaviors nor traits.
This woman in this story (whether it's a troll or real) had to learn the hard way that her father had conditions and loyalty in the family was his condition:
www.reddit.com/.../
My dad is more flexible than that man in the story. Hiding a mother's affair wouldn't get me disowned. I would have to actually be a psychopath that plots against my father's life in order to truly get disowned by him (hence why I said in my post that was to be something severe)... off course those are very extreme cases.
But yeah there shouldn't be unconditional love in romantic relationships because that's detrimental for one's own health.

[Opinion Owner]

Well like I've said many times before. Everyone is going to hurt you in life. You just have to decide which ones are worth bleeding for. I will give unconditional love to very select few. But I also KNOW that that select few would NEVER deliberately hurt me. I know most of the problems with those few are typically just misunderstandings.

[Andres77]

Not at all. That’s the hope.

its just not realistic. People are much more shallow and stupid than they think they are

[Vesuvius87]

Yet being loyal in a relationship is already a condition

[Andres77]

Fair enough
👍👍🤦

[NathanDavis]

idealizations, yes...

[rebeliouse]

what is unconditional love?

[Vesuvius87]

It means loving someone without any conditions at all. You still talk to them and love them even if they betray you or hurt others. Ted Bundy's mother had unconditional love towards her son and so did Jeffrey Dahmer's father. That type of love is mainly found with parents towards their children.
Unconditional is exactly that word, loving no matter what they do.

[EaterPeter]

It is b and n

[Vesuvius87]

Yet several people fail to realize that.

[EaterPeter]

I would be one of those people

[EaterPeter]

There is no love good sex only difficult to deal with coworker?

[Vesuvius87]

Sex isn't love. Tha'ts giving and giving physical pleasure, lust.

[EaterPeter]

Yeah I mean what is there in marriage?

[Vesuvius87]

It's beyond just having a great time and living together with a fuck buddy (eternal boyfriend and girlfriend stage for 5+ years) aka cohabitation. It isn't just sex but a lifetime commitment (assuming someone wants the old-fashioned love and not the stupid divorce for monetary incentive bs that's ruining it for the rest of us) that consist of communication, mutual respect and responsibilities.

[EaterPeter]

🙂 it all looks good in text book, an article, in speeches or I am say easier said than done

[Vesuvius87]

That's because several people don't have the dedication nor willingness to take responsibilities and work things out, instead of relying on a prolonged ''butterflies in my stomach'' fantasies as a guide to commitment.

[Vesuvius87]

Unlike the chemicals in the brain to fall in love, you can choose to continue loving