Should I get a divorce asap?

[Daniel216]

I found out my wife has been a side peace to her guy best friend for a decade. On top of that he is married with kids. She been secretly and privately sleeping with him behind his wife back and my back. She has been in love with him for 18 years come to find out he was her first. Sad part is we have kids and we are now separated. The dude doesn’t even want her and just use her for his sexual fantasies so apparently my wife is for the streets with this guy. I found all this mess out in her journal and on Google activity. She stalks him and his family on google and the whole things is scary as hell. They secretly talk on WhatsApp. It hurt because we have kids and they always ask my why me and their mother is not living together. I don’t want to tell them their mom is for the streets. What should I do with this situation?

[Drewtate]

Divorce yes, ASAP no. Women are very ruthless when it comes to divorce and she's possibly planned this all out, divorce nearly always works in women's favour with child custody, alimony, child support, half the assets and possession of the family home.

My advice is to get back with her for a while if you can and prepare the ground for the for inevitable divorce.

Simple things can make all the difference such as reducing your earnings or quiting your job to avoid paying alimony or paying less alimony. If you really want go be cold make sure she earns more than you so she has to pay you alimony. You pay even end up getting some of her pension.

It's the same with child custody. Women often use the kids as a weapon or as a financial resource by keeping as much custody as they can and keeping their kid's fathers away from them to ensure as much child support as they can get and to make it easy to slide a step dad into his place. Maybe reduce hours at work or quit so you are the primary care giver for the kids, this may get you full child custody or more custody meaning less or no child support and she may even have to pay you child support. Like alimony you working less while encouraging her to get that promotion or take that high paying job works in your favour.

Liquidate any saving, bonds, stocks or shares into cash and store it in a safe at your parents or trusted family member's place. Start dipping in to your joint accounts and slowly empty it. Run up credit card debts in both your names. Fathers and brothers generally understand but tell them not to tell their wives. Move any personal property of value or sell such as a motor bike etc on to your family's property. Even put your car in their name.

Don't leave the family home and don't leave the kids.

Record any abusive behaviour. Always be reasonable and never lose your temper. Higher a top divorce lawyer a year or 2 before you divorce, start planning for the divorce.

What happens to a lot of guys in divorce is that they they get completely Blitzkrieg in every aspect. Wife is cheating and has found another man, betrayal of a person that's supposed to be your best friend, loss of access to their kids, loss of the family home, forced to pay child support for kids he never sees, forced to finacially support the lifestyle of a woman who betrayed him, loss of the family home, ex blackening his name around town to friends and family and so on, maybe she's mad false allegations to the police. So with the shock and hurt of it all many men find themselves powerless and railroaded into a situation they don't want to be in. Your current wife may never love you and will certainly hate you but she will definitely respect you and not see you as a big joke anymore.

[Anonymous]

10 years is a long term commitment and she's shown terrible judgement.

You could threaten the guy with telling his wife and maybe you should tell her anyway. You may decide that would be breaking that's family also.

As for her, is it only this one guy. Does she have some form of mental addiction or fixation? Therapy? Could you trust her to stay away from him and others?

Unless you can see a way forward with her, I can't see how your relationship can continue.

But that doesn't mean she does not have a relationship with her kids. Just that you deserve more than she is capable of giving.

[sheikalana]

Ugh this is a tough one especially with kids involved. You’re right for not telling anything to the kids. I don’t know what kind of prenup you guys had or even if you had one. If divorcing her means giving her a certain percentage of your belongings and money I’d say don’t divorce her cuz she doesn’t deserve anything from you apart from child support. But if you never agreed in sharing your stuff with her in case of divorce then divorce her immediately. Make sure you care for the kids cuz they’re the ones who need you the most. Good luck.

[pervertedjester]

Just based off what you've found out, I'd walk away. Kids or no kids your Mental health comes first, you can't be a good dad with all that stress and distrust on your shoulders.

[Avicenna]

Yeah, file for divorce right away. Talk to the best divorce lawyers in town before choosing one so they can't represent her.

[Drumlin2001]

Get a DNA test for kids. Speak to a lawyer and find out the best time to get divorced which would give her as little as possible.
If you want to be petty you could contact the man's wife, let her know.

[Daniel216]

I been thinking seriously about that and I know where the guy lives. His deserves to know of the sneaking mess he has been doing with my wife.

[Billlewis]

Do you think there's any possibility of working things out with her? Since you've been with her for so long, maybe it's worth trying to salvage your relationship with her.

[Daniel216]

You can’t not with her. She is in love with her guy best friend and she doesn’t care if it means messing up her guy best friend marriage. It’s sick.

[Cheerfull009]

Very sad, you have been cheated for 18 years, you could not satisfy her in bed , she goes to other person for sexual satisfaction, 😀😃

[Daniel216]

She’s banging that dude long before I met here. She has been keeping him in her back pocket for a decade. It doesn’t if the sex is trash from or not. She is delusional and chase after a married man who does want here.

[DarkLegacy]

Yes you should but you need to find a way so she does not get a penny.

[HelpfulWoman]

yeah, that's a divorce quick.