In a large age gap pair, are there any factors that make you less suspicious / negative about the older person?

[Anonymous]

Examples:

- A 31 year old playboy/playgirl dating a 19 year old vs. a 31 individual who never partied and has had no relationships or maybe one boy/girlfriend.

- Her / him encouraging the younger person to have their parents, siblings, and / or friends present and involved.

- The older partner not being pushy about sex.

[Sharkstealth]

My parents were a 6 year age gap and were virgins when they met. Died still together with no other partners. Father died first and mother never got with another. Its very common for men to die first because in old fashioned values they work much harder and eat bad because unhealthy diet contributes to muscle gain.

Many couples with old fashioned values that I have known are average of 10 year gap and stayed together until death. 12 year would fall in to that average. Couples no longer stay together now.

[BeetleBro2000]

Yes. A large age gap pair where both people are well into adulthood (like 50 and 30) is the best sign that nothing manipulative is going on. When one of the people is a fully settled adult and the other is just on the cusp of adulthood (like your example), that is the biggest sign that the relationship is not good. They are in 2 completely different mindsets and levels of maturity. There is no way for a 31 year old to be on the same level mentally as a teenager. There just isn't. They still have so much to figure out about themself and life.

If there's a big age gap, once both people are over 25 then it's probably fine. Before then it's suspicious. When one is a teenager, it's a huge red flag. Those are the biggest factors.

[Smashingdoozy]

No. There is absolutely no reason why a 31 year old should persue someone who is 19. The power dynamic is the issue. At 31 you should know better and remember how young and impressionable you were at 19, how little life experience you had.

Basically I put it this way. If you had a little sister/ brother who is 19, would you be comfortable with them dating someone in their 30s? Or would that worry you? Weird you out?

[Asker]

I agree! Going after someone that young is really off and VERY seldom has a positive - or even genuine - motivation.

I'm thinking more so about the younger person being the initiator and pursuer. Still not a good setup for a relationship, but it's not as suspicious.

[Smashingdoozy]

It doesn't matter. The older person knows better not to get involved with someone that young.

[Asker]

Fair enough. Both are consenting adults and can do as they wish. Might not be a good choice, but it's theirs to make.

Thanks for answering.

[inhua]

the power dynamic is in favor of the younger women. she can falsely accuse him of rape and abuse and society will believe her

[Smashingdoozy]

@inhua that isn't a power dynamic and is so unlikely to happen.

[inhua]

it is a power dynamic because she has more options than he has and more people are inclined to believe her than him if the relationship doesn't go well. people who have more options tend to have more power

he will be held to a much higher standard than she will and society will enforce that he treats her like a goddess and any slight hiccups such as not buying her expensive things or allowing her to flirt in front of other men will have everyone calling him abusive, oppressive or controlling

[Smashingdoozy]

@inhua so you've never been in a relationship and you believe everything you read online?

[inhua]

who said anything about my relationship status? no one. it's irrelevant to the topic

you don't need to read online to see your power dynamic argument fall apart when there's plenty of examples that debunk power dynamics between men and women that favor the man

Mackenzie Bezos becomes the richest woman alive after divorcing her "powerful" rich ex-husband Jeff Bezos. where's the power dynamic in favor of the man?

Johnny Depp is 23 years older than Amber Heard and more "powerful" than her yet Amber was the one abusing Johnny. where's the power dynamic in favor of the man?

then there's Meghan Markle, a D-list actress stringing along Prince Harry, an actual prince by the way and making him bend to her will. where's the power dynamic in favor of the man?

it's easy to believe men have all the power in the world but when you're comparing women to the standards they hold men to, of course they don't measure up. some short women have no problem dating extremely tall strong men to the point, she looks like a literal child next to him but yeah it's the man's fault, he goes after all

but if you really want to compare women to the same standards they hold for men, women have no issue going for men who are better than them in some ways or many ways whether taller, stronger, wealthier, smarter, better looking etc. men take the best option they can and it has nothing to do with her supposed "inferiority"

[Smashingdoozy]

@inhua way to miss the point. The age is the issue In this scenario. I don't give a fuck what people do with rich peoples money. Fuck the rich.

[inhua]

I understand the point perfectly fine. there's no correlation or causation between age and power

[Smashingdoozy]

@inhua yes there is. It's maturity. Brain development

[inhua]

maturity and brain development has nothing to do with power. physical strength, wealth, status etc. maybe. but age? no, that's just in your head. everyone has a degree of power and whether they keep it or give it away is up to them. going by your logic elder abuse doesn't exist because elderly folks should have the most power out of everyone

I've already shown enough examples of "powerful" men who have little to no power over their less "powerful" spouses

[Smashingdoozy]

@inhua it absolutely does. Someone under 25 doesn't have a fully developed brain, they make decisions on a whim without thinking about the consequences. Someone over that age is capable of making rational decisions and thinking their decisions through thoroughly. And no my logic does not mean that elderly people can't be abused. I never said anything about abuse.

[inhua]

there's no such thing as a fully developed brain. our brains continue evolving until the day we die unless you believe the knowledge you've accumulated thus far is capped and will never improve

assuming it's even true that the brain doesn't full develop until 25, should a 22 year old murderer be excused because their brain isn't fully developed? how about a couple where both partners are 20? should they not be allowed to be in a relationship because neither of their brains are fully developed either?

this whole power dynamic myth is nothing more than a backdoor excuse should the relationship go sour and a reason to escape accountability by demonizing the older partner. never once do you hear younger men talk about this power dynamic with older women because frankly it doesn't exist in their head

power dynamics are only perpetuated by people who are obsessed with power

[Smashingdoozy]

@inhua there's a difference between development and knowledge expansion 🙃 of course you will forever learn new things that is entirely different to your brain literally forming the neuro pathways it needs to form.

Assuming it's true? It is true. Maybe you should try that knowledge expansion.

No, people shouldn't be excused for murder. It's fucking murder. No two people who are 20 can absolutely date because they BOTH have underdeveloped brains.

The brain being underdeveloped is just a factor in why dating someone significantly younger than you is wrong.

You don't hear about it because society congratulates young men for being with older women , the same way they congratulate older men being with younger women. It is a toxic cycle. Sue me for wanting to break it and protect not only impressionable women but impressionable men.

[inhua]

[ your brain literally forming the neuro pathways it needs to form ]

which has nothing to do with maturity or power for that matter. this mythical power dynamic is all conjecture. people don't just suddenly become more "powerful" because their brain develops

at least you acknowledge that age and underdeveloped brains is not an excuse for murder. would you extend that to a 17 year old?

both having "underdeveloped brain" is an even bigger reason why they shouldn't date

if you truly believe in this arbitrary number of 25 years old, all your opinions prior to you turning 25 should be invalid but of course, you wouldn't believe that

society does not congratulate older men with younger women. they shame those couples with also sorts of insults until they break up much like interracial relationships between black men and white women getting shamed until they break up. lesbian relationships also break up quite often too

if you're truly trying to protect "impressionable" women and men why not protect them from the dangers of left-wing liberal ideologies? why not protect them from the lies spewed out by social media and pop culture? why not protect them from bullies and peer pressure who justify their bullying by slandering the bullied?

but instead you want to "protect" someone on the basis of another person you see as being dangerous being not due to his actions or behaviors but because of a superficial factor like age

[Smashingdoozy]

@inhua www.urmc.rochester.edu/.../content.aspx

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3621648/

[inhua]

slate.com/.../...ment-25-year-old-mature-myth.html

www.iflscience.com/does-the-brain-really-mature-at-the-age-of-25-68979

[Smashingdoozy]

@inhua none of these deny what I have been saying. Like I said it's a factor in why dating someone much younger is an issue. My opinion. It like never works.

[inhua]

they rarely work because there's people like you chirping in their ears calling her naive and being groomed and calling him predatory and a groomer

no couple wants to live life with outsiders constantly disapproving of their relationship. most relationships tend to break down anyway regardless of age, race or any other differences because people like are always wanting to insert your opinion on how others should live their life according to what you want them to do

[Anonymous]

I will never not feel suspicious of an old man dating young girls, and in this case a teenager

[Asker]

I wouldn't call 31 an old man, but I agree with you about the suspicion.

[HiveBee]

But why exactly? Because those girls are wanting most an older man.

I know lots of women don't lie to me.

I know girls who were wanting to be with men over 30 since they were 15.

Those girls knew what awaits them after 30. A man who knows his way aroind a woman in the bedroom.

And that's why many young girls want an older men. He knows what he's doing and also, maturity is a turn on for women.

It's no wonder young guys are not dating lately. They are struggling big time.

Because young girls want older guys.

Young girls are talking about being choked in having their hair pulled in the bedroom.

Guys don't realize that's a thing until much later in life.

Until girlfriend after girlfriend tries to get you to play rape her and you never understand why the fuck girls want you to abuse them.

Then after 30 something clicks and you get it.

Females are freaks.

It's the girls who are the ones who know what they are doing. They are sexually mature at very young ages. Boys do not automatically become kink freaks like girls do.

A 30 year old man is equivalent to a 15 year old girl these days. Young girls are freaks wirh fetishes and really sick dark ones at that.

Boys are just obsessed with women and to stick his dick in one. It doesn't go further than that.

I even read a real piece of literature from a real academic feminist claiming that a large percentage of rapes committed by men, are merely men "over complying" with what they perceive as what women desire in the bedroom.

That being force and dominance and all this.

This is why men are lost with women because we know you want us to "play rape" you but we can't for the life of us figure out why the fuck you want to be abused in the bedroom.

y'all seem to think as men we have a natural fetush to dominate and overpower women.

Nope. We don't. That's all you.

[Riribichri]

At 31 u have hit the wall. No one wants a guy older than 30

[Radiate143]

@HiveBee yep. On point.

[Anonymous]

Not really because women are sexually attracted to maturity. Men are sexually attracted to young women.

We are returning to our animal nature's slowly over time.

I predict this will cause a majority of men to become incels. When that happens I see two courses:

The human race becomes like the Bonobo ape. All members are homosexual. Male female copulation is rare and ONLY done by a very small amount of the male bonobos. The females choose who reproduces. It is less bonobo males than males reproduce for chimpanzees in their patriarchal social structure

All men will have no choice but to be gay as the majority will never reproduce.

Either that, or the beta male majority takes the female reproductive power by force and redistribute sex amongst all men again.

[Giddyup]

I could barely get part the first paragraph of this post because it is so wild. Point being 31 is not mature... not even close!!!

[inhua]

the funny thing is so many women tell men to stop "complaining" about not having a girlfriend but the moment a man does get a girlfriend and she happens to be younger, then all of a sudden, these hypocritical women want to start complaining too

[BoopBoopBeep]

No, because I don't care either way what their ages are if everyone is legal. You do you. I'll do me. I don't care about gossipy childishness.

[strateguy632]

if guy older like charlie chaplin 65 and lady 24 is fine cool but a 65 age lady with young guy creepier.

[OddBeMe]

Honestly no. It’s hard to not see that older person as wanting young flesh. Woman cougar or male.

[Astarlessnightsky]

Doesn't matter as long as both are happy.