So, I never had such a close relationship before or enganged in sex until I met my boyfriend like one year ago. I was (and still am) extremely insecure, I put on my bad girl facade and just acted like if I wasn't a total a virgin, had sex with him and all that, there was some blood on the codom so he asked me a little uneasy if it was my first time, which i denied and said it was due to my period recently ending.
Its been one year and I make up Stories When he asks me of previous interactions, he knows I am bisexual and wanted to know how it had been like with a girl so I lied about scissoring When he asked.
I feel so pathetic for not having previous experience, I was scared of intimacy for so long. I don't want to tell him the truth because I would look like a liar (Indeed I am, in this case), and also because I am scared of typical manly behaviour of bragging about being a girls first, I don't want to be an achievement to anyone.
Its so stupid and changes nothing in our relationship I suppose but I think about it every now and then and wonder if I should be honest, still it is so difficult as it breaks my whole shield of goth-dominating-serious woman.
Our relationship is perfect, but I am a character, I can never be myself.
